on friday note

it's been ages since my last post haha
maybe i've come to term with the adult world and stop wondering about the nonsense and coldness of the world...have i?

i have nothing in particular to pin down in this post...which is the most terrifying things cause it would mean emptiness and oblivion

it would mean my surrender and acceptance to the adult world (;-;)
...
selfish
yeah maybe i can start to ramble on it
human are selfish, to some extent
or maybe i have never met someone sefless yet

...but what is so wrong with it?
maybe selfishness induces one to snatch away and destroy others' happiness
it is hard to all stay happy and peaceful...?

well, the sad truth is that i am one of extreme selfishness
if there is some meter measuring human selfishness, mine must have been almost at the absolute level haha
which... as mentioned, could be a trigger to my evil and greedy heart
sigh

feel like listening to "the pleasure of the heart" from The piano now

it time for a change? to get rid of my wicked heart?
though i feel extremely calm and prepared, it is hard not to waiver and yield into the lure of temptation

in the end we tend to choose the comforting things right?

hmm
anw, it is the beginning of the weekend, so i should not be emo
emo, after all, does not suit me right?

:D

もののけ姫

悲しみと怒りにひそむまことの心
教えるは森の精、もののけ達だけ。。。

it's just absolutely beautiful and needless for translation
music does a wonderful task in conveying and transmitting the inevitable solitude of a prideful human's soul
which makes it all the more exquisite


needless to say how it attracts me

maybe i just let that etherealness in Kawabata's beautiful words captivates me too abundantly
let's burn the week ahead in the bitchy bitter eyes +_+

well ultimately, human is born and extinct... alone

melody

it's like a lullaby to gently sing the farewell to your sweetheart
maybe that is why the lyrics are mixed with so many English phrases
...just to ease the depth and intensity of the words in their own language
or they just need to be there to tenderly comfort the sorrow in their very way

love it got many reasons

rain comes and vanishes with trances of thoughts and images
pieces of memories, infinite wish or surrealistic dreams

all blends to each other only to shatter to pieces
it takes my mind to some mystic forgotten land in minutes
..but soon enough reality would encroach and rob us away from the land of melancholy

time rolls by forces us to grow up
just as i cant ignore the call of my heart, i cant forget my responsibility to family and society either
it is what i decide to carry through no matter what
so here i am, facing the big winding road with greyish sky and grumbling thunder above
it's dark and frightening
but after all, it's all just some hindrance that pushes us forward
so face it, take it and live with it

sigh........
yes i have to grow up and be a big sister NOW

a few day more to September

this song is called "Masshiro" which means Pure white in Japanese...

for some reason the melodies and lyrics has a mysterious power that draws me in irresistibly and effortlessly ..

the meaning of lyrics can be googled :)



when the sound and scent still lingers..

august - of guilt and conscience =.='

"There were times when he wanted to shout out his guilt at the top of his voice. But then her terrible self-sacrifice would be in vain. Would it really be an act of courage to nullify that for the sake of quieting his conscience? Or did true courage demand rather that he silently endure his present existence as a virtual prisoner? It was too complex an evaluation for him"...

from Spring Snow by Mishima Yukio

crime and guilt and all the convention that attaches with such notion rooted its origin with human society and their so-called constructed morality and righteouness.

and all the human growing up in such society would try to conform desperately to these constructed moral codes obediently.... until one day they come to realize the vantage point, the controversy of such notion when they themselves stuck in their own abyss of their self-defined guilt and shame

it is ironic, however, that the courage to live against society and their convention yet again build another dilemma as one need to take into consideration whether their own conscience has trampled on others' social life, or socially-accepted life...


my oh my, wonder why do i look at society so cynically and indifferently =.='

.... in the chaos of packing and moving...still *_*
and my working life passed the mark of one year +_+

of nothing and everything

さようならの夏　　

光る海に かすむ船は
さよならの汽笛 のこします
ゆるい坂を おりてゆけば
夏色の風に あえるかしら
わたしの愛 それはメロディー
たかく ひくく 歌うの
わたしの愛 それはカモメ
たかく ひくく 飛ぶの
夕陽のなか 呼んでみたら
やさしいあなたに 逢えるかしら

散歩道に ゆれる木々は
さよならの影を おとします
古いチャペル 風見の鶏(とり)
夏色の街は みえるかしら
きのうの愛 それは涙
やがて かわき 消えるの
あしたの愛 それはルフラン
おわりのない言葉
夕陽のなか めぐり逢えば
あなたはわたしを 抱くかしら

---




as i forbid myself to contemplate on the issue, i have no idea how to pick up the exact word to draw the effect needed to describe such emotion

hopeless is hopeless
the foresee end is to come and takes with it all, sweeps even the tiniest dust away with its irresistible force
and then even the memory of the physical body will fade
everything becomes nothingness in the flow of time and space
...
夕陽のなか めぐり逢えば
あなたはわたしを 抱くかしら