haiz
it should be time for me to seriously think about what to do with my life rite?
Man, it seems that i somehow made a wrong choice again... do i have enough of courage, patience and enthusiasm to go on with all the choices i've made...? or should i just drop these damn modules i've taken?
If i decided to go on, then what would happen? should i take up this risk and make a bet with my own conscience? or should i just be aware of my own restraints? what a crap!!!
I take Japanese 1 this semester which is quite tough for someone who does not know a single Japanese characters like me... just plainly out of my purely love with Japan haha
Well, the other modules are my 2 modules of my NM major and one of them is a level 3000 with no exam T_T (meaning 100% CA with loads of individual projects and stuff T_T ). It is indeed a quite interesting module and the lecturer is also nice....just that i have this doubt about my ability to earn good grade for this T_T
Moreover, the other NM module is the damn compulsory research module which is obviously a boring one. T_T i just have no choice dont i? what's more? this damn module also requires quite a lot of tough work...which is research-based!!! sounds bad enough for someone who hates those boring academic papers like me T_T
It does not end there....my wild mind leads me to another dangerous decision to take GEK1052 which is Community service and Social Action you know.... sounds boring but actually i do think a lot when taking up this module.
Well, I have to mention that it first attracts me with that no-exam merit it carries... well but actually it would take up loads of my time if i wanna get sth out of it (both in terms of grade and experience i mean). My my... Japanese 1 already takes up 7hrs/week just by going to class...not to mention about its damn heavy workload with homework and practice if you want to master it and get some good grade... and then there are 2 modules of my major which require no less efforts and time T_T... and now this one T_T
Sure it is tough for me...lazy kind of person.
You may question why the heck i choose this crazy GEM anyway? well, the answer is i just plain want to engage more into social kind of work... since i kinda feel unattached to this so-called Singapore..or even Vietnam society T_T. You know how it feels like? when i simply feel content after watching a good anime/movie/manga ...in general, fulfilling my own interest T_T. Moreover, i want to experience more, improve my interaction or interpersonal skills and the likes... yeah, more socially active and things T_T... and last but not least, earn sth for my resume T_T
It sounds tough T_T...can i really overcome my self? am i be able to? T_T
I just find myself not really ready to be mature and take up some responsibility of myself and society T_T
But i do wanna try somehow... hopefully it would turn out to be good T_T ...for someone who is just too lazy, selfish and irresponsible like myself T_T
And for ur information, the last module is JS2222 which is Japanese society and social institution T_T...sounds theoretical...again T_T (well, that's what you get when you become and Arts n Social Sciences major T_T). I just take it out of my ...purely love with Japan haha...maybe my curiosity and the likes ... my obsession when it comes to contemporary Japan T_T .... yeah and loads of reading waiting ahead. However, i just find myself being hyped after going to the 1st lecture...nothing but excitement and passion T_T...then how can i drop it? or how can i abandon it T_T
I'm done for =.=
If i dont drop any of these, well, a super busy semester is in store for me T_T
and the main point is can i really keep this passion when all the works increase and become more of a burden than an interest? and can i really gain some of the social attachment i want to feel or it's just another getting-the-work-done type of things T_T
confusion ... risks... and doubts T_T
that's all i have for now T_T
and with all of those wanna-be-mature feelings... can i still restore my interest and my own space to breathe? can i still have time to enjoy my selfish self?can i still restore my carefree way of living? or what would happen T_T
what should i do? T_T
just surrender or take up the risk T_T
there's a high chance of failing anyway T_T
haha just try? or just ignore? how and what to do?
well, i should end my ranting here and make up my mind =.=
i really have to find a resolution for my current state anw T_T
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