whatever

i learn not to expect too much of pple...
now i have to learn not to put too much hope and care on pple also
it's scary
once in a while, your life gets busy and there're too many things to deal with
temporarily you forgot about their hardships ... or rather you ignored it?
and then you just realized that they just passed their critical time and you did not try to even ask, let alone help
...
guilty you felt
and then what?
just seems that they do not think you really care and your care is not that necessary to begin with
so what?!
do we always have to speak out loud that we care about someone and we keep an eye on them from distance?
do we have to shout in their face that "ok, i'm worried about you all along?"
i dunno
to me, it's quite controversial
i sometimes need that kind of obvious way of caring...
but in return, i never show anyone that i really care...

ok, i'm contradicting myself
=.=

nvm
just that it's kinda hurtful when your care is somehow ignored and underestimated rite
meaning your existence has no meaning AT ALL ...

forget it
just my selfish and my excuse ok?
damn life
i should only pay attention to myself ... my self-centered self and forget about all others then
carefree and whatever...

is my door broken down already? coz i cant open it anyhow =.=
that's why...there's no way pple can know how to open it
may be it's already broken down..and cannot be repaired