what does matter in the end

sometimes it makes me wonder
is it just another motel to stop by?
or would it be a bit like what i expected?
a place where i can call "home"?

once in a while, there you are, in your lonely mess surrounded by your cynical thoughts
it is not anything unusual when you live alone but....

anw, have i forgotten my self-promise?
to not expect too much from anything or attach to anyone?
coz attachment and kindness may all end up with a bad wound anw

it's safe...or it's lonely
it's boring...or it's painful
it's just a way of self-interpretation anw
so what does matter?

and brother...i learned not to swallow and kept to my heart every single words from you
would you just let me down like any other people?
you're the last person i expected to do such thing to me
it's terrible and i just dont want to experience that kind of thing once again

are you serious when you said such thing? or are they just words of comfort?
if so, i prefer harsh words you know
anw i just marked it as another casual word with low chances of happening
to tell the truth, i may turn it down at the very last moment...
freaking changeable to begin with
...
but you did spoke to me after such long time huh
still....coz you need my help hahaha


in the end... what does really matter in my freakin' life now...