Full Moon
The Black Ghosts

When the thorn bush turns white that's when I'll come home
I am going out to see what I can sow
And I don't know where I'll go
And I don't know what I'll see
But I'll try not to bring it back home with me

Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me
As you watch me wander, curse the powers that be
Cause all I want is here and now but its already been and gone
Our intentions always last that bit too long

Far far away, no voices sounding, no one around me and
you're still there
Far far away, no choices passing, no time confounds me and you're still there

In the full moons light I listen to the stream
And in between the silence hear you calling me
But I don't know where I am and I don't trust who I've been
And If I come home how will I ever leave

------------------------
feeling as lost as whoever in the song above
wth i'm doing here =.=
i should've just returned to VN ...since i havent been able to do anything so far ...except for spending money like crazy =.=
and my mom calls me more often saying that she misses my voice
damn i should've just gone home ...instead of wandering here w/o doing anything at all

Full Moon - The Black Ghosts

涙そうそう。。。

just watch that movie today... it's exactly the romantic type that i would definitely fall head over heels with if it was the me 2 or 3 years ago =.=
haha
but it happens that the me now does not seem to like it that much, though cant say that it's rubbish or nonsense
well, a side of it is still cute and make my eyes a bit wet... still it passes by as another commercial movie, without much thoughts or impression ...
maybe it's the result from my exposure to art movie and the likes for this semester... hopefully it can be considered to improve my taste for arts LOL... which is another nonsense again =.=

that is to say for Japanese/ Asian films i guess...

and for Western movies, lately i've been indulging myself in the lousiness of Asian-felt romance and a somehow cool plot from Twilight....
well, maybe it's not as good as how i could describe it to be, but it somehow makes me look back at sth i've been trying to negatively refused... which is the so-called Western culture/ pop culture
i cant deny that i am craving for the fantasical types of romance in Twilight... searching for sth like that to read/ watch even in manga/ anime

it's just so my type i guess haha
i like fantsy stuff, i love surreal things, i adore the world of imagination... i just am although it's not so very good at the age of mine =.=

who cares anw... if i cannot indulge myself in my thoughts, what else do i have left?

haha actually what i intended to write is not whatever i've just put down at all
and i just got lost in the topic =.= even though it's not what i meant to convey =.=

yare yare =.=

sigh....
pple always accompany my image with a big smile ... or so i thought
well, it's just that in every single wish i may have received in any occasions that is suitable to receive cards from frens... the one and always sentence they will write is sth like..."keep that big smile of yours shining" =.=

haha well maybe coz it's alr made to be my habits to smile whatever it is before everyone
it's just so etched in my mind that other than smiles, i dunno if i can show any other hints of emotion before pple...
well i do admire myself for being such a pro in pretentious skills though
for smiles are probably my strongest weapon to cover all the truth of my disgusting and ugly thoughts

anw.... in the end let's just give that big smile again
since it's so loved by pple ^D^

Nada Sou Sou - RImi Natsukawa

君を乗せて。。。けどあの君は誰かなああ～～

君を乗せて

あの地平線　輝くのは
どこかに君を　隠しているから
たくさんの灯(ﾋ)が　懐かしいのは
あのどれか一つに　君がいるから

さあ出掛けよう　一切れのパン
ナイフ　ランプ鞄に　詰め込んで

父さんが残した　熱い想い
母さんがくれた　あのまなざし

地球は回る　君を隠して
輝く瞳　きらめく灯火(ﾄﾓｼﾋﾞ)
地球は回る　君をのせて
いつかきっと出逢う　僕らをのせて

父さんが残した　熱い想い
母さんがくれた　あのまなざし

地球は回る　君を隠して
輝く瞳　きらめく灯火(ﾄﾓｼﾋﾞ)
地球は回る　君をのせて
いつかきっと出逢う　僕らをのせて

The reason the horizon shines
is that somewhere it's hiding you.

The reason I long for the many lights
is that you are there in one of them.

So, I set out, with a slice of bread,
a knife, a lamp, stuffed in a bag.

Father left me his burning desire.
Mother gave me her eyes.

The earth turns, hiding you.
Shining eyes, twinkling lights.

The earth turns, carrying you,
carrying us both who'll surely meet.

Father left me his burning desire.
Mother gave me her eyes.

The earth turns, hiding you.
Shining eyes, twinkling lights.

The earth turns, carrying you,
carrying us both who'll surely meet.

---> ost from Laputa, cast in the sky
the melody that i'm so in love with... the paradoxical feelings that its colors fill me with

それはいいのか？いけないのか？笑

is it bitter if the one once brought you the most fabulous and memorable birthday now even forgot ur birthday ?

haha it's an old story alr but still it's somehow　funny and strange ...rite?

ねえ,にいちゃん。。。いつまで？それはつらすぎるよ。。。

get over it...it's just a random day in the calendar and you're just a random person passing by, like an old acquantaince
who do u think u are anw? haha

just this very moment, really wanna flight back w mom n family
at least i will be in her big hug and forget about the world

the challenge just mounts up and the chances just erode away...
so in the end... the expectation still left hanging in midair...with no reason and possibility to be reached

tonight probably is a white night induling myself in the land of imagination
and tmr is my all-day-sleep-make-up so that i wont have to face pple and anymore disappointment possibe

anymore disappointment ... though i'm alr used to it

Kimi wo Nosete (carrying you) - INOUE Azumi

love this piece...coz it brings me peace and pain at the same time
like sth too beautiful and fragile to come to exist
and maybe it's just how i feel

the whatever title it might be ...

Tears are painful… I’m not talking about the mentality aspect here cause it’s possible to shed tears due to happiness….
Dunno if anyone notices but tears are really painful …physically, or at least, that’s what I feel.
When your empty self doesn’t seem to have much feelings remained, yet some stipulation induces your eyes system to make tears… the sharp and short pain inflicts around your eyes area, causing you to close your eyes to feel more comfortable… and there it go..

Sometimes I just freely go on with my understanding and interpretation about anything… like songs or music, or some short of hard to comprehend text… I’m good at adjusting them to fit my mood …i guess lol

So… I don’t really know if the song really matches whatever situation or exclaims whatever mood I am in now… I just assume that it is so lol

Shape of my heart

He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesnt play for the money he wins
He doesnt play for the respect
He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But thats not the shape of my heart

He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But thats not the shape of my heart
Thats not the shape, the shape of my heart

And if I told you that I loved you
Youd maybe think theres something wrong
Im not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one
Those who speak know nothing
And find out to their cost
Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who smile are lost

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But thats not the shape of my heart
Thats not the shape of my heart
-----------
Like a doll acting out her daily routine and hiding away her thoughts… since it’s no use pouring them out anw. Just make the burden heavier …

It’s stupid to be too nice n considerate sometimes … that’s why I’m saying that I don’t want to deal w insensitive and inconsiderate pple at all >.<

... no matter how hard i tried to look at it...the likeliness is really thin... or maybe not at all!
and it makes me wonder the night, burrying my thoughts in my playlist as if listening to the faint sound somewhere deep down...

and it's my little dark sweet secret
coz nobody ever knows
nobody really cares lol

lies and truth

currently watching a Japanese drama called Trick
It's about exposing all the tricks that frauds use to deceive pple... the lead character always believes that there's nothing like spiritual power in this world...

however, at the end of each espisode, all the victims of those fraudulents, ended up feeling more miserable since they dont have anything to rest their belief on anymore... completely hopeless in a sense since they only resort to depend on those fake spiritual because they alr have no thing to turn to...

it's bugging me as if the director is trying to say ... is it all good if we let pple taste the truth? or is it better to let them have some hope and live on their belief... although it's not true

... and what if there is really sth called spiritual power exist?
there's so many things we still cant explain about and comprehend of in this world...rite?

is ignorance truly...bliss?
knowing too much is digging ur grave?

normally i would laugh at such... but for some reason, when u think about it... it's not completely nonsense...

or maybe i'm just thinking too much =.=
anw the show is quite interesting ^^

ef ef ef ef ef ef ef ef ef ef ef ef ef ef ef ef ef

i love it i just love it XXD
Ef- a tale of melodies haha
it's so dramatic ...the kind of thing i dont like at all in drama or movie but i guess it's o since it's anime, sth kinda absolutely cant be real lol

and it's amazing that it's kind of touching and can tear me ...not like those movies that are supposed to be tear-jerker yet i failed to shed a single tear... only feel kinda fake and sarcastic =.=

anw, exam is over n i'm supposed to enjoy myself =.=...but still havent found any job to do >.< which is the sole purpose of staying here in this vacation =.=

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh

for some certain thing, sometimes u yearn for it, yet you're too proud to take any action to get it =.=
and for the other things that yearn for your attention, you coldly turn your back to them and ignore them
... just what is this world about haha... sometimes i found it really funny lol


聞こえますか。。。真実のメロヂ。。。

バカ見たい

wandering why ...
this uneasy feeling.
frustrating or sth?

as my status now "この星の果てはどこ。。。知ってる"
where's the end of this planet? i kinda wanna run there and hide away all my frustration,loneliness, upset, stupidity... buried myself there alone.

to a far far away place ... somewhere very very far away... wonder how i can go there?
no one will take me, so i have to try hard myself =.=

to the end of this planet
in a world no one can touch


nothing is absolute.... yet, why do those look so absolute to me now?

バカみたいね。。。
泣いてはいけないよ！
誰もたしけてくれないよ　
どうか。。。どうか！！！