will i ever grow up =.=

came back from Japan
and this feeling of unease and loss always seem to linger around me ><
bittersweet? nostalgic?
in 2 weeks in Japan, i cried like thrice ...i think
just because of the overwhelming of that pure fantasy world of Ghibli, and the sadness of having to say goodbye

when watching Mei and koubus-neko, somehow i just cant help feeling lost in the innocent and fantastical immagination of a faraway childhood that i cant return
and that i can no more touch that world
that i need to grow up
it's sadddening beyond words...

and i cant stop crying thinking of having to leave Hiroshima, having to leave Japan after few days
even though always know that there's always a time you have to say good-bye
and things at that time just wont return no matter how you wish for it
things just have to come and be gone
but it's still better, being able to taste the sweetness of encounter ...rite? even though the greater the encounter is the vaster the emptiness spread in time of saying good-bye

and Japan
it's dazzling as always
it never fails to amaze and touch my soul

maybe i have the confidence to say that i can withstand the harshness i may overcome having to work and live there
would prefer to live in small town rather than Tokyo thou ^^
even though it reduces my chance of running across Ohchan haha

...how far have i fall for Japan i think i cant just estimate haha

or maybe theis feeling is just the effect of having a wonderful dream and suddenly being thrown back to reality

maybe i take in too much and expect too much so, more prone to disappointment
ahhhhhhh~ wanna go somewhere really cold to spend Christmas away T_T
since i'm nt able to spend it in Japan T_T

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
need some arashi to refresh!

kimi wo nosete

to december, the month i've always loved ~

today is another rainy day in Singapore
the idea of going out on rainy days is always bothering me =.=' with all the dirts, water, wet clothes @_@ whatever irritation you name it

but somehow today's walk wasnt all that bad i guess... my clothes did get wet and my hair did tangle but probably walking leisurely listening to music calmed me down...or rather made me temporarily forget the intimidating boredom of singapore

and it reminded me of Ohchan again ...how he loves to walk and how he's a ame no otoko <3 ~

haha and since i didnt bring ipod (on which i'd always listen to Arashi's playlist), i used handphone instead
even though handphone playlist is quite updated but there're quite lots of songs of different taste, from piano to Jpop LOL
it's nice once in a while, like i was walking back on my memories of days that i was into such and such piece of music ~

as expected lots of Ghibli's music still dazes me with its innocent, beauty and tranquility...

like this piece from Laputa... i really really love it
and walking alone under the rain, with such melody and image dancing around in your head, somehow i just want to let my tear drop
coz the piece is just too beautiful to be true... too pure to come to exist...

yes it's just my world of wonder, my fantasy...
i wonder if he feels the same listening to it XD haha (by "he" it only refers to one person in my mind now LOL ...omg XD)

Carrying You (Laputa) - Joe Hisaishi

spitz... and the nite

Spitz is always my favourite band <3
love Masamune san's warm and treble voice...it's so in tune with the lyrics. or so i feel ~
and somehow whenever i listen to Spitz, the night feels a bit colder and windier =.='
or it's just my imagination
maybe it fits with the image of a self-struggling to comprehend the world and follow the dream
or it's just a world full of wonders whenever any image of life being framed and captured
the way the tender words flows is saddeningly beautiful
it strikes me deep at times when i need to seriously consider my life
ended up shedding tears without any particular reason
maybe it's the frustration of myself being lazy and useless, indulged in ppls' sweetness
and satisfied w my stupidity and limitation!

なにか終わりまだ始まり。。。そっか。。。
何も始められないよ、このままだったら
もっと自分たいして厳しくならなっきゃダメなのよ！
人にもっと優しく親切になって欲しい！
何を始めたら、ちゃんとやるしかないよ！
興味を持っていれば、絶対手に入れるまで、外れない！頑張ろうって本気でやるぞ！

somehow ended up teaching myself the determination of Ohchan haha ...maa~ whatever, even if the motivation starts like that

大ちゃんの誕生日だよ！～<3

It's Ohchan's birthday today XD
haha i cant imagine i can be any further ridiculous haha
this is too much even for fan girl...but since i cant meet him, i cant wish him any Happy birthday directly, let's me just share the joy by myself then ><

and since this is all i can do for my beloved idol <3

coz deep down in my heart, i know that thanks to Ohchan and arashi, i've beeen trying to live better... even thou it's just small thing bt everything starts small rite ^^

Ohchan, wish you all the best ~
and just stay adorable that way ~
ずっと見守ってあげるよ～

and here's my lousy attempt of making fan vid for Ohchan <3
[wish i could make sth more decent....i'll try nxt year :D]




credits all the vid to arashi lj community

exam is near...and -_-'

As days are drifting away and exam is drawing nearer by hours, i'm still in a very relaxed mood!!! =.='
noooooooooooo i'll definitely regret it later... =.='

and now my mind is wandering with the trip to Japan =.='
as you see, it'll be in the beginning of december :D
it'd probably be the change of season frm autumn to winter...or so i hope
still wish to be able to catch the deep red momiji's color ><
or else, some snow flakes would at least make me happier than just coldness you see ><
well i wish to embrace the beauty of the four seasons i've never experienced in my life ... how i wish to be able to live there for some years ...sigh

well i'm not the type who can speak my thoughts or emotion very clearly and in a logic manner...
and action speaks more than words...or so i thought
so if pple are not sensitive or observational enough to feel the change or the love in my tone of speech or action... there it goes, i'm cold and indifferent haha
...well i couldnt careless, it's just a matter of characteristic and way of life

still mayb it's easier if i live w pple who appreciate tiny things in life ... tiny things that i made an effort to do
coz i'm one of those who hate troublesome things =.=
and it's not like i'm not lazy haha

and i love whining so much i cant understand myself haha
mayb it's a way to let out my depression/ stress or worry =.='
still i love all e pple i can whine to <3
coz i wont just whine to any random person =.=

sigh
and after ranting this much, my thoughts again return to Ohchan =.='
is it really all i can think about T_T
what's abt work and other matter?!!! i couldnt care less !!! noooooooooooo
...the more i read abt him, the more i watch him, the more hopeless fan girl i become =.='
haha
*and i realized that all Ohno's fan girls are as hopelessly falling in love w him as me @.@
which is both understandable and frustrating!

anw i wish to be able to go to their concert soon T_T (they just performed at TOkyo disneyland last night! T_T)
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
and japan...
this obssession of mine ...where will it go to?
i think i probly reach the point where i come to accept everything bad abt Japan alr =.=' like how i feel like arguing w anybody badmouthing/ stereotyping abt japan w/o really understanding it!

urgggghhhhhhhh
these scribbles went too far alr!
i need to stop =.='
back to exam and endless reaading pls.... like i can T_T
and i want to make more Oh-chan's fan vid T_T
!!!!
i'm seriously a gone case T_T
drift wood ....... blah

@pix: blur Ohno is loved <3
eventhough it's nt my fav song in this single, somehow i want to listen to this song this morning ^^

side note: Oh-chan doesnt really eat pickled shallot XD ~ (well i cant eat it and i love e fact that he doesnt seem to really like it haha ~ ) -->?!!!! @_@'

and random fandom ... or whatever i feel lol

sometimes i'll be wondering what i'm doing and what i've been doing
where am i again in my life and in my dream
well just to remind me that my dream is still very far away from my reach and that i need to strive further...much more

sometimes it still struck me that things never seem the way it is...eventhough i seem to rmb this by heart but i still passed on lots of judgement ... please observe and be more understanding, less prejudice =.=

right now there're so many things passing by my brain that i alr forgot what i intended to note down in e 1st place .... my forever problem ><

talking abt fandom...
well whatever... but thanks tremendously to arashi's encouraging words in their song, i can gather the courage to be extremely optimistic XD... maa maybe they kinda fill up some empty spots in my heart and erase all the tiredness of the day

and Ohchan's voice would just ease out every problem
Ohchan has healing power ...everyone says so and i do think so <3 ~

and yes, at my age, Ohchan is already struggling and working hard w Arashi
at my age you know.... sigh
well the image i hold of Ohchan may be just another false statue that media built up but i want to believe that it's made up of 90% truth ~ well it is! haha
i have enough confident to say that i fall deep in love w my Ohchan haaha
gosh! =.=' and i somehow forgot the existence of men's attraction? do i hahaha

it's hopeless and painful to be a fangirl this way T_T

...been so long since my last endless nonsense ranting =.='
should i just go and brush up my fan vid for Ohchan's coming birthday ><

....Ohchan said he wants to be 30 soon since 29 feels like sth is missing =.=
haha he's passed the point of afraid of the mounting of age alr... mah...should i pass that point too?
deep down inside everyone knows my mental age...and it seems my Ohchan is not aging mentally at all XD ~ (another similar point?) hahah

see how crazy am i =.='
maa that's really enough and i'll stop now
last thing

i love this song partly coz of this sentence "目の前に見る君の瞳、真っ白いになる頭の中”
isnt it so cute ~




@pix: i cant resist screaming coz of it XD
kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa ~ <3

again and again?

you know i hate it when i feel like being lied to =.=
it's just like i'm nt significant enough to deserve the truth
the thing is sometimes i feel like being too sensitive abt these stuffs
like how i found myself all disappointed and cheated coz there's little thing here and there a bit different to what they show me =.=
and so the easy-disappointed me will just get all emo and stat to blame anything and anyone
that's just me and how i am
... and i'm extremely sensitive to pple closest to me =.=
that's a die-hard bad habit T_T
sigh......

so i'm scared of trusting anyone ...
and you know the result is the fan girl me who put all my love and trust and dream into my boys LOL

for them i can accept being lied to hahaha
of course it's my Arashi and my one and only Ohchan XD ~
maa sho ga nai yo, so re ha hahaha

there'll be some more days to Ohchan's birthday XD

and it's the song i'm kind of addicted to these days <3 ~
kawaii yo <3

random thoughts in a rainny morning

Emotionally immature people tend towards loneliness, they hold high opinions of themselves, they themselves stand out, and any problems that may occur are inevitably someone else's fault. It is evident that this is not the case with "I." Instead of attributing blame, he suffers in silence, and when introducing himself uses clichés such as 'dull,' 'average,' 'plain,' 'Capricorn, blood type A.' Yet, upon reading the argument with the "Boss'" private secretary, we realise again that life has been very tough on him. Just because he eats, for example animal cookies, doesn't mean he's childish.

In Presents from the dead
by Kato Koiti
translated by Graham Chave
source: http://www.horagai.com/www/txt/xharuki1.htm

It's just some random text i came by when searching for some article by Murakami
...well maybe it explains one of the reasons why i love Murakami Haruki
the jazzy slow and mundane picture of life
everything looks normal yet different
pple occupied w mundane thoughts of how to make a living yet deep down inside, something is always moving, transforming, screaming
emptiness or whatever fleeting thoughts they hold

When people act and live normally, it does nt mean that they just live on without having to contemplating on life and meanings
It works the same way when pple look immature yet alr having spent through all sorts of experience
you dont need to act depressed or sound depressed to actually be depressed
that's what i always hold to myself and somehow strive forward hahah

dunnno if what i said really makes sense at all
bt somehow i do feel the loss and emptiness in Murakami's novel

mayb i'm one of those pple standing in front of the crossroads of life without any orientation
only one thing in my mind now. at least ^^
that is to experience the life in Japan
and sth much more childish, being able to attend my beloved idol's concert XD
Ohchan ni aitai kara ~
sore dake
ima ha

and season is changing soon
it'll be winter soon ...
and Japan ~~~

listening to this song to feel my longing for tasting the seasons....
sakura petals never fail to grasp me



@pic: Ohchan ...anna ni kawaii XD <3

大ちゃんの記念日

大ちゃん今日はジャーにズに入った記念日だよね！
おめでとう！～
あんなに変わったんだよね！今の智はね。。。大好きだよ！～
嵐のおかげかな。。。。まあ色々なことじゃない　
とにかく智が好きだから、ずっと見守ってあげるよ！～
会いたいけどね＞＜どうやってか教えてちょうだい
まあいいわ！大好きだから仕方がないXD
大ちゃんの新しい曲だ！すげぞ！イントロすごく好きだよ！XD
楽しみ

moved

just to note down that i've moved to a new house hehe
not officially but it's gonna be so soon anw
and the fact i somehow taste the feeling of being home, peaceful, warm, cozy and being all honest to my nature somehow pleases me
since it's not easy to be able to get this kind of feeling in Singapore, somewhere away frm my sweet family
only one problem is that i enjoiy it too much and somehow all my motivation to study this sem has far bygone T_T
all left now is the ultimate optimisim which i dont know why it comes about O_O orz
and the ultimate sense of idulging myself in arashi shows!!! OTZ
i'm gonna cry bitter tear soon at this rate T_T
noooooooooooooooooooooooo
pls ><
better be back seriously studying ;-;
Arashi~
give me strenght and determination pls T_T
on a lighter note: おおちゃん　大好きだ！
ちゃんと大ちゃんに付いて行くよ！必ず智をみ見守ってあげるからね！～<3

＠image from naver Ohnoholic

arashi my arashi ~ <3

i think i alr said it some time ago but lately i've been very sentimental over arashi ahhaa
crying almost everyday listening to them LOL
not coz of sadness but coz of the thought having to keep fighting and going ahead ...not alone but w Arashi by my side
ok i'm jst this stupid fan girl w wild imagination or whatever u name it but it really touches me thinking that somewhere on this earth, there're pple who i can rely on spiritually in such an absolute way haha
coz i know they also need pple like us to cheer on them, support them
it's sth mutual, so the feelings are returned... or so i feel
and they've been fighting hard all these years for our support too
so there's no reason i cant be crazy over those cute boys XD LOL
but it's really down to the point that thanks to them, i feel less insecure, less lonely and braver, working harder to my goal

frm the deepest i thank them :)
arashi is lovedddddddddddddddd XD
Oh chan is loveddddddddddddddd ...or even beyond love haha 好きすぎるだなあ～

and i'll continue to sing you're my soul soul tsuyoku shite kureru kara ~
arashi daisuki da!
Ohchan dai dai dai dai dai suki da! datte kawaii mon XD

my arashi - you're my soul soul 強くしてくれるから！

my life revolves around my Arashi omg T_T
watched their concert report news made me all crazy and craving for being able to be there >< T_T
Oh-chan no namida wo mitara, mou gaman dekinai yo
naku yo ><
mou oboetenai, nando kiitemo naku yo 5x10 ha ne ><
Oh-chan~~~~
sugoku kawaii
arashi ha minna ni kansha shite, yoku wakaru
minna mo arashi ni kansha shiteru yo
Oh-chan ha ne, tada watashi mitai, tomadoinagara, guzen ni arashi ni awasete, shiawase mitsuketa mitai na kanji haha
dakara Ohchan daisuki!
arashi mo daisuki!
arashi no uta no okage de, mainichi mainichi gabarimasu T_T
arshi ga ouen su ru kara
you're my soul soul itsu mo sugu soba ni aru kara!
tsuyoku shite kureru kara!~

yosh isshokenmei ganbarima~su!
やる気出せばね！
大ちゃん言葉にはできなくて、大好きだよ！

A.Ra.Shi.mp3 - Arashi

...ranting

dont have much time ...but what's wrong w pop culture and main stream?
is it coz of this period when everyone desires to be different and unique that pop culture and main stream sounds like cheapsteak =.='

haha that's always my point!
I dont see why pple who like main stream or pop culture cannot be different, special or unique...it's not like their they dont have their taste in arts and have to be lead by the media...

i mean everyone has their own reference and it somehow collides with lots of other pple
that's all
i still dont see why pop culture should be looked down on

to me, it's even much interesting and cool for pple who are able to look at main stream and normal, trivial things with a different eyes and perspective... i mean like pop culture coz of their way of looking and perceiving it
isnt it much cooler than someone who just claim themselves being unique, anti- mainstream w/o nothing other than their desire to be noticed...to be the center of attention!
haha
funny
anw i'm not saying this all coz i'm a fan of pop culture and mainstream....
coz pple happened to say sth abt Arashi being popular and mainstream... i mean so what? they've been trying their best... so they deserve it perfectly
haha
anw... too busy these days T_T
and today their concert will start T_T
how i wanted to go t_T

natsukashii na to omottara

somehow feeling so nostalgic tonite haha
miss reading cards frm pple ...i really do ><
Well, it's not like i dont receive any but these days, cards i received are all from international friends haha
see, the more pple grow up, the more they forget to treat others a litte favour like sending a hand-written cards of a lovely messages....

I often received them...cards, letter all hand-written, sometimes random presents, messages...
well if you know me well, you'll know which period i'm referring to haha
and it's not even on any special occasion, it's just some little fun things to do ...pple like him do know how to invoke on others.
to the point i came to expect some presents every occasion i could think of haha
sometimes, it doesnt need to be sth much
maybe just took me around to some favourite places haha
how i used to love it
well i'll love it still if anyone i dont hate do this kind of things to me now
but mayb it's not that feeling anymore
and i hate it when pple ask me what i want, then give it to me on birthday =.='
wth... i mean why dont pple just think on their own what's suitable for the person they want to give present to!
it's fine if it's family but for friends, i'd love it when they dont need to ask and still find out what i like ... it doesnt even necessarily be what i like, just what what they think i'll like is good enough

in all i just love that little surprise haha
like a little treat of the day
well, it's all long gone since i came to Singapore...
that's why i hate this place, it made me all materialistic and superficial haha
well, whatever
the one goood thing is i came to love Japan and Arashi and Oh-chan XD
at least i'll be thankful for this XD
well in all, to forget the nostalgic feelings, i'm gonna burried myself watching Oh-chan again
Oh-chan dai suki !
XD

btw i read Komatta toki again haha
and i still love it heaps XD
well somehow Takara is acting like Oh-chan sometimes LOL
anw i think i kind of know what reference when i look at guys now... it's gotta be someone like Oh-chan deshou ?!
well that sucks coz no one will ever be as cute as him XD
my one and only sami chan haha
dai dai dai dai dai dai dai dai suki da!!!!

嵐の5 ｘ１０～もう泣いたよ＞＜

嵐の新曲はいいよね
気持ちは必ず伝えたと思うよ
泣いたわ
ほんとうに嵐が大好き！
大ちゃんも大好き＜３
何度でも言ってたけど本当にだいすき
中途半端じゃないよ
ねえ、コンサートが見たいの。。。
行けないけど
この夢はきっと叶うのかな
嵐に会いたいよ
大ちゃんに会いたいよね
今は仕方がないから、頑張らなきゃ～
頑張ってます！
大ちゃんに会えるために！ハハハ

母ちゃん

back in singapore =.='
haha
and yet another blog entry
nothing special
just my bitter tears at the thoughts of dreams and family
as u see i'm a bit of mama girl...if there's such term
anw i als missed being indulged by mom =.='
it's coz of studying and staying so far away frm home for so long that i somehow forgot mom's warmth and now that i somehow get acquainted to that comfortable family mood, i have to be back here all alone again
it wont bother me so much after a while...as in after getting used to be alone again
but yeah...as i'm saying i'm such a mama girl
to realize being alone and have to manage everything on my own somehow makes me miss mom so much

and when thinking about mom's sacrifaction for me tears jst wont stop
it's always ur mom, loving u unconditionally and faithfully
the me now cant do anything for mom except for trying my best to walk on my own foot
love mom <3

well that's how i understand how Oh-chan is such a mama boy
we think alike =p lol

Eien to Isshun - レミオロメン

夏の終わりに思うこと

haiz
summer is nearly coming to an end...in one week time and i'll start school and all its nonsense all over again T_T
anw it's been a fruitful summer...in one wmentallay or another
i mean i did travel to the beach, finished some novels, watches almost all Arashi's video and totally immersed in Arashi's fandom LOL
...the thing that anything related to work and study is totally abandonned T_T
realizing i'm on the verge of forgetting all about Japanese @_@!!!
it's horible T_T
need to review...wondering what'll happen to Japanese when i graduate T_T

anw that's the summary of my long yet short summer
mentally still hanging at the border of adult and kids...or at least i feel so =.=

well, as in going into details...what could i say?
went to the beach after some year havent been there haha
not the same beach but yah it's the feeling of the sea i mean
it's somehow not the same anymore...
i wonder how would it be like if i board on a ship going off coach alone or just w someone closed, not together w loads of pple in a tour or sth... i mean sth much more private
i bet the feeling would be tremendously different! much more enjoyable, memorable and wondrous haha
最高だと思うよ！
but as this time i'm going w my sis, in a tour w many unknown pple... and i only manage to play on the beach coz of the stupid period...
feel like cant really taste the sea
i want to experience the sea that Oh-chan experiences haha
XD
well fangirl again but really, the sea at night 4 yrs ago was much more intriguing, spetacular and amazing
its vastness, its salty smell, its crazy wind, its sounds, its darkness
everything mixed and mingled btw good and bad, wild and gentle, mystery and soothing
cant described exactly but yup it's the feeling i've been longing to taste once more

...or maybe the accompany is different...probably a bit
or probably the night sea is just intriguing and enthralling you w waves of emotions and thoughts
haha

oh well still have loads of chance
let's try to do my best this next sem
study and work!
for money and for Japan lol
towards the ultimate goal! here i go!!!
ganbatte! ganbatte!
Oh-chan daisuki XD
lol

＠pic: Oh-chan daisuki <3~

recently

long time no blogging haha
i'm coming back to VN soon for ultimate vacation XD
well jst random rambling as usual coz of the thought of capturing the moment lingering around me
The me recently...well, nothing special
i'm gaining weight...[AGAIN!]
and i'm not improving in koto =.=' [if u dont wanna say i suck badly ><]
still full-fledged-ly in love w Oh-chan LOL
somehow feel that i'm like a crybaby these days =.='
why?
it's really a mystery even for me -.-'
coz i'm living happpily w Arashi and Ohno on my minds 24/7 everyday... but somehow when it comes to movie or sth a tiny bit touching, i'll cry like a baby w/o restraining?! O_O
that sucks... well it's fine when i'm like that and alone...but ytd i was watching the damn movie in the cinema and i would say it's not sth very touching or very emotional and i still find myself crying like hell next to my fren @_@
damn it! that's embarassing ...deshou T_T [not to mention the fact that i'm e oldest amongst all of them T_T]!!!!
wth has happened to me @_@
T_T
kamisama, setsumei shite kureru no T_T

recently i'm reading some novel, one by Yoshimoto and the other my Murakami, yes Murakami Haruki :D
it's not really a novel, more corecctly it's like his own perception of writing and running
i found the title interesting the moment i saw it "what i talk about when i talk about running" ^^
i love these kinds of curiosity-raising things :D

well ppl may find it boring, what;s there to talk about running anw? but it somehow becomes really interesting to me ^^
like how all the frustration about the self, about youth, confidence, individuality, perspectives comes mixing in a smooth and not so faked way
i love that style of Murakami, slow and seemingly uneventful but thought-provoking ^_^
well it's worth comtemplating ont hings like that once in a while
but looking back to reality, while everyone's concerned is money and life, mine seems to be so trivial and nonsensical T_T
it appears as i'm jst some snobbish kid, only love to freely enjoy life w/o thinking or contemplating on future =.='
well, fyi i do! jst that everytime i do, it makes me tremendously depressed and distanced and blurred
in all to be me again, i make myself to not be aware of such the least possible haha
i've always been that kind of selfish person

well i can just blame all on the world adn the time i live, in which the self is highly concerned and treasured =.='
haha
whatever
it seems that things are out of the way again
ok i whould stop now in order not to wandering again :D
see u soon if there's ever any reader of my blog LOL
well like i care haha

oh, btw, jst to share this song
it's really damn cute to me...somehow :D

10 Love Situation - Arashi -



@pix: me [right] n my fren w new hair =.='
damn ex and not very satisfied coz it's e same style i had T_T

random on random

haha i'm all mero mero in love w my Oh-chan now omg
it's like i cant help watching him every single day and damn it he's jst deadly cute
XD
haha sagittaius born surely leaves deep impression on me ^_^
yay! Oh-chan XD
once in a while something abt study would come bothering me ><
but thanks to Oh-chan's aura i'm still living too happily w/o money, job or anything =.=' [it sounds dead wrong though :-s]
anw i even dont know why i'm typing this entry LOL
mayb just to say that 大ちゃんのこと今はハマッてる　XD
ずっと大好きね！大ちゃん～～～
somehow i can only imagine Oh-chan w NIno LOL Ohmiya <3~~~
hahah

thoughts when watching a tv show

feeling frustrated
when i'm here wandering around trying to push away reality...
what have i done for my dreams?
i'm still lost and unsure how exactly is the way to reach my dreams
stupid and inconfident
until when...
more than anything this helplessness and indecisiveness in me
while seeing others working hard for their dreams, i'm here at nowhere in my life
work harder!

random

sometimes i think i have a strange attachment to seasons and the inherently fleeting character of time....
even though i never really experienced the seasons i hold perception of until this point of time
maybe that's why it's so appealing and attractive to me
sigh...

i admit that i have lots of strange fetish and interest... in one way or another
sometimes it a bit bothers me how sick and strange they are though =.= lol

well it's summer vacation now and i have a bit of time on my hand but ...
the matter is not always what i decided no matter how i look at it, no matter how optimistic i may be
still there're things you know that it's just for encouraging and lifting your mood
...
there're things i want to say more but nvm
somehow it jsut sounds very ridiculous to me at the moment
i dont even know why i composed this entry =.='
for seasons? i didnt even talk about it that much
as usual, i'm wandering from topics to topics and not making myself clear enough in the end

sigh
wandering minds LOL

in the end, i jsut think that maybe i'll be exceptionally good in conversation w people born under sagittarius
wonder why?
haha
there're just lots of strange patterns alike and maybe i read too much of those horoscopes and let them sink onto my mind subconciously

i love this song =]
maybe coz of seasons..and Ohno haha

興味は... ＞D＜

急にちょっとお知らせが必要な感じするので、お話しよう　＾＿＾
最初は。。。大野ちゃんがすきになってXXXD
大好きって、こんな感じは錦戸亮ちゃんしかないの
本気だよ！
だからこれから大ちゃんと亮ちゃんはトップです　LOL
大ちゃんがすきになって、嵐も好きにちゃうよ
初めてグループも好きにちゃったよ
本当に！

大ちゃんと嵐のビデオを見れば見るほど大好きにちゃうよ　＞D＜
最高なの
大ちゃんは趙かわいい！！！！今ね、私の中は大ちゃんのイメージしかいないの、男性なんって
ははは
亮ちゃんごめんね　＞＜
でも亮ちゃんはずっと好きだから、もう変わらないよ
確かに、今亮ちゃんだけわけではないの
大ちゃんと
二人でいいかなあ～　
序段ですよ
とりあえず大ちゃんかわいいいいいいいいいいいいいいいいいいいいい
かわいいすぎよXXD
28歳なのにめっちゃめっちゃチビみたいよ
ずっとそのまま欲しいけど　：D
大ちゃんに頑張ってね、仕事とか
あｈ二人は十一月に生まれたんの：D
大ちゃんの占いと私の同じなの　XD
へへ大ちゃん行こうぜ！！！XXD

写真を見よう！かわいくないXD

helplessness and envious or whatever

i think there're many pple out there always longing towards their dream, anticipating, agonizing coz seeing no future to it...
yet somehow everytime thinking about my only dream now, i feel lonely as if it's just me, one and only with this dream that i dont know how to make it come true... everyone either has nothing like that to worry about or somehow on their way reaching their dreams als

possibilities are just possibilities and they're not even at my advantages since i'm living in another country...
seeing pple of my age drawing closer to what they want, i feel envious...
not that i dont want to see them happy ... it's just that it makes me feel so helpless coz i'm so far behind... i want to catch up n it's not easy to...
the gap is too big, in terms of everything i have

i wonder sometimes pple take me and my dream as a joke or sth not so important?
but just with that, i alr feel so helpless and suffocated as i cant find out a way for sure to achieve it

and yet, there're pple thinking that it's just some trivial stuff
well, for me it's like the question of myself.. my ability. what can i do when i find what i really want?

n yet i just suck as i am
to be more motivated! more passionate! more determined!
i tried to tell myself but i'm still working half-hearted

i jst want to drown my stupid self right here T_T

電話

電話
レミオロメン

藤巻亮太 作曲: 藤巻亮太

こんなに暑い日が続いてる
元気でいるかい?　心配さ
僕は相変わらずだよ

受話器越しになると照れるけど
そりゃ一緒がいい　当たり前さ
思うほど上手くいかないけど

遠く遠く　離れ離れ
電話切れない夜もある

闇深く心細く　それでも光射し
泣いたり笑ったりさ
別の街に暮らす君よ
寄り添ってやれないが
僕はここにいる

空梅雨の割には早い台風
そっちもそうだろ?嫌な天気さ
ちょっぴり寂しくもなるね

夜は　床もドアも壁も
抱えきれないほど広い

風強く　窓が揺れる
受話器でつながって
寝るまで話そうよ
別の街に暮らす君よ
わかっていてほしい
僕らはひとりじゃない

天気予報も　違うくらい
離れてしまったね
まだまだ　暑い日が
続くみたいだよ

晴れ渡り雨少なく
それでも潤って
泣いたり笑ったりさ
別の街に暮らす君よ
寄り添ってやれないが
僕はここにいる

ーーーー

懐かしいね～

あの日は遠くあったんだね

disappoinment is what i hate most

ok my video is not understandable...it seems
sigh
i know i'm a very beginner and all and maybe the story is too complicated to truly comprehend but at least you should get the basic idea... I thought but it turned out not so =.='

it's frustrating and disappointing at the same time ... sigh
and i spent nights doing it
who should i blame? no one
even though i tries hard, it doesnt mean that it would be appreciated by pple
it's just something normal
still
maybe my world is just for me to comprehend then

空も飛べるはず

in time of frustration and disappointment, Spitz's songs cheer me up...not cheer up but lift up my mood... give me some motivation and encouragement or at least i feel so...


Sora mo Toberu Hazu
I can surely fly in the sky

Album / Collection: "Sora no Tobikata"
Lyrics/Composition: Masamune Kusano

幼い微熱を下げられないまま　神様の影を恐れて
隠したナイフが似合わない僕を　おどけた歌でなぐさめた
色褪せながら　ひび割れながら　輝くすべを求めて

＊君と出会った奇跡が　この胸にあふれてる
きっと今は自由に空も飛べるはず
夢を濡らした涙が　海原へ流れたら
ずっとそばで笑っていてほしい

切り札にしてた見えすいた嘘は　満月の夜にやぶいた
はかなく揺れる　髪のにおいで　深い眠りから覚めて

君と出会った奇跡が　この胸にあふれてる
きっと今は自由に空も飛べるはず
ゴミできらめく世界が　僕たちを拒んでも
ずっとそばで笑っていてほしい

＊くり返し


Unable to bring down the adolescent slight fever, I feared god's shadow
The hidden knife that doesn't suit me soothed me with a foolish song
Fading and breaking I longed for a way to shine
The miracle that I met you is overflowing in my heart
Right now, I can surely even fly freely in the sky
When the tears that soaked your dreams run to the sea
I want you to be laughing by my side forever
I ripped the obvious lie that I had kept as my trump on the night of the full moon
By the smell of your delicately waving hair I was woken from a deep sleep
The miracle that I met you is overflowing in my heart
Right now, I can surely even fly freely in the sky
Even if the world that glitters with garbage rejects us
I want you to be laughing by my side forever
The miracle that I met you is overflowing in my heart
Right now, I can surely even fly freely in the sky
When the tears that soaked your dreams run to the sea
I want you to be laughing by my side forever



------------

in a way, it speaks my mind, voices my thoughts, my wish, my unspoken world
and still, covers everything nicely under all those colorful words and lively images
i really love that subtly charming style :D
haha

another random post coz of feeling lost and empty ...though i'm not supposed to =.=
yeah, pple can feel fed up with their life and all the responsibilities and expectations they have to live up to at some point of their life ...rite?
but i shouldn't... i'm not allowed myself to...
i have some dream to pursue dont i? until that wish is fulfilled.... until then...
or else i wont do
a half-hearted person wont be able to!
I'll carry on

illiteracy and its effect on pple =.='

sigh...
yeah at time like this, feeling helpless and stupid =.=
that is how the world goes on isnt it?
u cant ask for help frm pple unless u're their "sth" /"so"
and for pple with a big n stupid ego like me... just solve it myself =.='

the thing is the very beatiful (i feel) laptop that i've just bought... dunno how to set up properly @_@
dun have any software too
nvm...try ask around AGAIN, carrying my thick face >.<
will manage in the end somehow... hopefully o-O

だれより強くなりたい　＝。＝

Japanese

I'm taking Japanese now... it goes w/o saying i guess.
there's this assignment in which i have to write haiku which is a Japanese style poem
The rule is it must consists of 3 sentences of 5, 7 and 5 words respectively. In the poem, there must be a word describing a season and the poem should convey a strong emotion/ feeling.

so what i've come up with

梅雨の雨
神の涙か
独身のか。

--> roughly translated as

rain of rainy season
is it God's tears?
or tears of the loner?


anw... it's jsut that i kind of love haiku
how all the emotion is conveyed through one sensitivity and absorption of the fleeting seasons... it's jsut a world of quietness, solitude, nostalgia and details of the breath-taking season which is gonna pass by...again
as if knowing the eternal and absolute does not exist yet one always yearning for it unrequitedly
and it hurts knowing the impossibility and limitations

i just love haiku.... though i never really research a lot on it :D lol
i'l definitely read up on it soon :D

time

it's alr March now
time truly flies...
last summer in japan were still so fresh in my mind... yet another summer is coming
it's just depressing thinking of it all over again
i wonder if everything will just be out of reach in the end
does sth called fate really exist? it probably does...after all who knows
i can just fulfill my class and graduate, work for Singapore and go back to VN, marry and havae children
... then everything seems much more easier
still i alr want sth so badly that i just cant ignore it
just my spoiled nature... always want to have that particular thing once i start to wish for it
and yeah, it leaves me in the middle of nowhere now when everything is so unclear, unshaped, uncolored
where will future lie? how much more do i have to long for it?
...sakura is starting to bloom soon
and starting to fall soon

i wish to feel it ...with all my heart

自分でしないと。。。

i'm just feeling helpless in every aspects...
got tons of projects and assignments to do yet dunno how to start with
everything's in a mess
even setting up a free domain bothers me w my 0 knowledge of computing and the like
and well, you cant ask anyone for help for these kinda of things
just count on your own strength for god shake =.=

i'm slow and blur and stupid and easily affected by whatever stupid things ... i know that very well myself
so even just very small subtle rejection is enough ...
it's not easy for freaks like me to go around asking for help in the 1st place

well whatever, i alr know it
you're just on your own. no more.no less.

listening to koto's pieces to munch my own emo =.=

time after time....

there's this Japanese song that i really love a lot ...well i know that i just love lots of songs n things but i always hold a kinda special feelings for this particular song "Time after time - 花舞う街で” by Mai Kuraki.

It's just an ending theme from Conan but i think it's like one of the very first Jpop song that i really love and became addicted to...
and the more i listen to it the more i love it... even after studying Japanese to get to understand partly the song myself, not just through translation...i still love it <3
it's just so beautiful...to visualize the lyrics in my head alone...[well i guess my imagination kinda works harder than any other part of my body lol]

the sakura petals falling...
the changing seasons...
the destined city that grows lonely ...
well i love that kind of fleeting beauty that cant be got hold of ...





TIME AFTER TIME
Mai Kuraki

もしも君に巡り逢えたら
二度と君の手を離さない
春の終わり告げる　花御堂
霞む花　一枚
蘇る　思い出の歌
この胸に　今も優しく

Time after time
君と出逢った奇跡
緩やかな風吹く街で
そっと手を繋ぎ　歩いた坂道
今も忘れない約束

風に君の声が聞こえる
薄氷冴返る　遠い記憶
傷付く怖さを知らず　誓った
いつかまたこの場所で
巡り逢おう　薄紅色の
季節が来る日に　笑顔で

Time after time
ひとり　花舞う街で
散らざるときは戻らないけれど
あの日と同じ　変わらない景色に
涙ひらり　待っていたよ

風舞う花びらが　水面を撫でるように
大切に想うほど　切なく．．．

人は皆孤独と言うけれど
探さずにはいられない　誰かを
儚く壊れやすいものばかり
追い求めてしまう

Time after time
君と色ずく街で
出逢えたら　もう約束はいらない
誰よりもずっと　傷付きやすい君の
そばにいたい今度は　きっと

If I had been able to meet you
I wouldn't have let go of you ever again
The hanamidou [1]
Tells of the end of spring
One petal from this misty flower...

And an old song floats back
Gently, even now, into my heart

Time after time
The miracle of meeting you
In a city where the wind whispered through
We walked a path through the hills hand in hand
And made an unforgettable promise

I can hear your voice in the wind
The thin ice freezes back over [2]
Long ago memories
Not knowing to be afraid of hurt, I swore
That someday, we'd meet again

Here, in a season of pale crimson
With smiles on our faces

Time after time
Alone in the city of whirling blossoms
Can't return to when things were fine [3]
In this very same place, just like on that day
With my face strewn with tears, I waited for you

Those petals fly in the whirling wind
As if stroking the water's surface
In my anguish, I treasure each and every one...

Everyone says that they're lonely
That they have to keep searching
For someone
But all they end up chasing after
Are the fleeting and fragile

Time after time
If I could have met you in the city of changing hues
I wouldn't need any more promises
More than anyone else
You are so easy to hurt
I want to be with you--this time, forever.


....time after time...i still find myself lost in it
sigh. how i long to feel that changing seasons scene

月明かり - can be translated as 'moonlight'

there's only one expectation i cannot just turn my back to ....
no matter what, i dont ever want in a slightest way disappoint my mom, regarding my academic stuff =.=
and what have i done so far?
this very question i've been constantly asking myself and the answer is just too frustrating and disappointing to think of =.=

can i ever reach that faraway dream =.=

i'm still nobody to everybody
i'm at no where in my life

月明かり

青い　青い　空に　月の光をともす
甘く　淡く　重い　そんなものに捉われて

この月明かりの下　ひとり知れず
君の名前だけを呼んでいた
いつまでも未来を探してた
この光の中に…

いつも　いつも　そばで　信じてゆくチ力ラが
遠く　脆い　ものを　動かしてる気がしてた

この月明かりの下　ひとり知れず
君の名前だけを呼んでいた
静かな愛情を信じてた
この光の中に…

なにも掴めないような夜には
君を想わない時はない
There isn't a day I don't think about it
迷う心が　君に届くように

この月明かりの下で　私の名前を呼んで
たしかに逢いにゆくよ　どこでも
君のそばに

この月明かり　瞬きひとつせず
静かに私を見つめていた
君の未来を探してた
この光の中に…

I light the light of the moon in the blue, blue sky
I’m captured by such sweet, faint, and heavy things

Underneath this moonlight, without anyone knowing
I was only calling out your name
I searched for the future forever
Within this light…

Always, always, by my side, I felt the power that I believe in
Is moving distant and fragile things

Underneath this moonlight, without anyone knowing
I was only calling out your name
I believed in a quiet love
Within this light…

On a night when it seems like I can’t grasp anything
There isn’t a moment when I don’t think about you
There isn’t a day I don’t think about it
So that my lost heart will reach you

Underneath this moonlight, call my name
I’ll definitely go meet you, at any place
To your side

Without giving a single flicker, this moonlight
Was quietly gazing upon me
I searched for a future with you
Within this light…

Tsukiakari - Rie Fu

personality test :D

I did this test like ...almost 2 yrs ago ... or so I thought
The result then was also dreamer... but I rmb that the other part is not really the same and that at that time, i didnt feel that the result was correct abt me ...

and now i just feel completely satisfied w this one haha
well, not satisfied... just somehow feel that it really is what i perceive
probably since i'm more matured and less confused ... hopefully lol
=.=

anw, it's abt that
it's quite fun though... redoing it
... now it's time for assignments =.=
how i hate them T_T

kind of into this song right now
dunno why... probably coz the lyrics reminds me of sth i always long for haha

Panorama - Gakuen Heaven

Code Geass - after effect

just an old story and some stupid feelings but it still lingers ...even now
still anything that relates to such ideology, such ideal relationship that i've built for my own all this time remains with such power to trigger every single pieces of emotion that hide somewhere deep inside... and it always leaves me w memories and tearful eyes

after all, it's just such a perfect imagination and ideology ...so perfect that i can only find its reflection in the unreal world...

wonder when i can really get rid of all of this? maybe i should just grow up n get more experience from the reality so that such ideal would no longer overshadow everything in front of me... so that it would slowly enter the never ending flow of time...leaves no traces on me

but then does it mean that all memories would also fade away by then?

human is contradictory themselves, always
just like how u hate to be deceived yet you would lie to the others
like how u hate to be hurt yet you cant help hurting others
like how u want to forget sth but when it's truly gone, you'll be in pain and panic

in the end, there's so resolution i can come up with
coz i'm just afraid to sacrifice anything? coz i have no specific goal and no determination to do it by whatever means i gain?
n using excuse n reasons all the time? what's good for all of them?
isnt it better to just throw away sth in order to achieve sth more precious?
but what is it that i most treasure? that...i even dont know

nothing will start and nothing will end...wont it?

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

Even just with that single droplet
I just might be able to protect the flower
It's your smiling face, and with that alone
I can even reach out my hands
If you gather up those trembling voices
You just might be able to start a wind
Light the fleeting glow known as your life
And move your feet forward

La la la la la la la la lan
Let's meet again someday
La la la la la la la la lan
As long as we're still alive

What are my overflowing thoughts
That overcome time yet get caught by it?
Where are those people now?
Who keep kindness in corners of their eyes

There's a new seat next to me
We'll meet again for the sake of the future
Let's try living through the day known as today
For as long as we can without façades
It's sad and painful for people
Nevertheless, their roads continue endlessly

La la la la la la la la lan
Let's meet again someday
La la la la la la la la lan
As long as we're still alive

La la la la la la la la lan
That which the wind carries
La la la la la la la la lan
Is a melody that opens up tomorrow

La la la la la la la la lan
Let's meet again someday
La la la la la la la la lan
As long as we're still alive

La la la la la la la la lan
That which the wind carries
La la la la la la la la lan
Is a melody that opens up tomorrow