自分でしないと。。。

i'm just feeling helpless in every aspects...
got tons of projects and assignments to do yet dunno how to start with
everything's in a mess
even setting up a free domain bothers me w my 0 knowledge of computing and the like
and well, you cant ask anyone for help for these kinda of things
just count on your own strength for god shake =.=

i'm slow and blur and stupid and easily affected by whatever stupid things ... i know that very well myself
so even just very small subtle rejection is enough ...
it's not easy for freaks like me to go around asking for help in the 1st place

well whatever, i alr know it
you're just on your own. no more.no less.

listening to koto's pieces to munch my own emo =.=

time after time....

there's this Japanese song that i really love a lot ...well i know that i just love lots of songs n things but i always hold a kinda special feelings for this particular song "Time after time - 花舞う街で” by Mai Kuraki.

It's just an ending theme from Conan but i think it's like one of the very first Jpop song that i really love and became addicted to...
and the more i listen to it the more i love it... even after studying Japanese to get to understand partly the song myself, not just through translation...i still love it <3
it's just so beautiful...to visualize the lyrics in my head alone...[well i guess my imagination kinda works harder than any other part of my body lol]

the sakura petals falling...
the changing seasons...
the destined city that grows lonely ...
well i love that kind of fleeting beauty that cant be got hold of ...





TIME AFTER TIME
Mai Kuraki

もしも君に巡り逢えたら
二度と君の手を離さない
春の終わり告げる　花御堂
霞む花　一枚
蘇る　思い出の歌
この胸に　今も優しく

Time after time
君と出逢った奇跡
緩やかな風吹く街で
そっと手を繋ぎ　歩いた坂道
今も忘れない約束

風に君の声が聞こえる
薄氷冴返る　遠い記憶
傷付く怖さを知らず　誓った
いつかまたこの場所で
巡り逢おう　薄紅色の
季節が来る日に　笑顔で

Time after time
ひとり　花舞う街で
散らざるときは戻らないけれど
あの日と同じ　変わらない景色に
涙ひらり　待っていたよ

風舞う花びらが　水面を撫でるように
大切に想うほど　切なく．．．

人は皆孤独と言うけれど
探さずにはいられない　誰かを
儚く壊れやすいものばかり
追い求めてしまう

Time after time
君と色ずく街で
出逢えたら　もう約束はいらない
誰よりもずっと　傷付きやすい君の
そばにいたい今度は　きっと

If I had been able to meet you
I wouldn't have let go of you ever again
The hanamidou [1]
Tells of the end of spring
One petal from this misty flower...

And an old song floats back
Gently, even now, into my heart

Time after time
The miracle of meeting you
In a city where the wind whispered through
We walked a path through the hills hand in hand
And made an unforgettable promise

I can hear your voice in the wind
The thin ice freezes back over [2]
Long ago memories
Not knowing to be afraid of hurt, I swore
That someday, we'd meet again

Here, in a season of pale crimson
With smiles on our faces

Time after time
Alone in the city of whirling blossoms
Can't return to when things were fine [3]
In this very same place, just like on that day
With my face strewn with tears, I waited for you

Those petals fly in the whirling wind
As if stroking the water's surface
In my anguish, I treasure each and every one...

Everyone says that they're lonely
That they have to keep searching
For someone
But all they end up chasing after
Are the fleeting and fragile

Time after time
If I could have met you in the city of changing hues
I wouldn't need any more promises
More than anyone else
You are so easy to hurt
I want to be with you--this time, forever.


....time after time...i still find myself lost in it
sigh. how i long to feel that changing seasons scene

月明かり - can be translated as 'moonlight'

there's only one expectation i cannot just turn my back to ....
no matter what, i dont ever want in a slightest way disappoint my mom, regarding my academic stuff =.=
and what have i done so far?
this very question i've been constantly asking myself and the answer is just too frustrating and disappointing to think of =.=

can i ever reach that faraway dream =.=

i'm still nobody to everybody
i'm at no where in my life

月明かり

青い　青い　空に　月の光をともす
甘く　淡く　重い　そんなものに捉われて

この月明かりの下　ひとり知れず
君の名前だけを呼んでいた
いつまでも未来を探してた
この光の中に…

いつも　いつも　そばで　信じてゆくチ力ラが
遠く　脆い　ものを　動かしてる気がしてた

この月明かりの下　ひとり知れず
君の名前だけを呼んでいた
静かな愛情を信じてた
この光の中に…

なにも掴めないような夜には
君を想わない時はない
There isn't a day I don't think about it
迷う心が　君に届くように

この月明かりの下で　私の名前を呼んで
たしかに逢いにゆくよ　どこでも
君のそばに

この月明かり　瞬きひとつせず
静かに私を見つめていた
君の未来を探してた
この光の中に…

I light the light of the moon in the blue, blue sky
I’m captured by such sweet, faint, and heavy things

Underneath this moonlight, without anyone knowing
I was only calling out your name
I searched for the future forever
Within this light…

Always, always, by my side, I felt the power that I believe in
Is moving distant and fragile things

Underneath this moonlight, without anyone knowing
I was only calling out your name
I believed in a quiet love
Within this light…

On a night when it seems like I can’t grasp anything
There isn’t a moment when I don’t think about you
There isn’t a day I don’t think about it
So that my lost heart will reach you

Underneath this moonlight, call my name
I’ll definitely go meet you, at any place
To your side

Without giving a single flicker, this moonlight
Was quietly gazing upon me
I searched for a future with you
Within this light…

Tsukiakari - Rie Fu