helplessness and envious or whatever

i think there're many pple out there always longing towards their dream, anticipating, agonizing coz seeing no future to it...
yet somehow everytime thinking about my only dream now, i feel lonely as if it's just me, one and only with this dream that i dont know how to make it come true... everyone either has nothing like that to worry about or somehow on their way reaching their dreams als

possibilities are just possibilities and they're not even at my advantages since i'm living in another country...
seeing pple of my age drawing closer to what they want, i feel envious...
not that i dont want to see them happy ... it's just that it makes me feel so helpless coz i'm so far behind... i want to catch up n it's not easy to...
the gap is too big, in terms of everything i have

i wonder sometimes pple take me and my dream as a joke or sth not so important?
but just with that, i alr feel so helpless and suffocated as i cant find out a way for sure to achieve it

and yet, there're pple thinking that it's just some trivial stuff
well, for me it's like the question of myself.. my ability. what can i do when i find what i really want?

n yet i just suck as i am
to be more motivated! more passionate! more determined!
i tried to tell myself but i'm still working half-hearted

i jst want to drown my stupid self right here T_T

電話

電話
レミオロメン

藤巻亮太 作曲: 藤巻亮太

こんなに暑い日が続いてる
元気でいるかい?　心配さ
僕は相変わらずだよ

受話器越しになると照れるけど
そりゃ一緒がいい　当たり前さ
思うほど上手くいかないけど

遠く遠く　離れ離れ
電話切れない夜もある

闇深く心細く　それでも光射し
泣いたり笑ったりさ
別の街に暮らす君よ
寄り添ってやれないが
僕はここにいる

空梅雨の割には早い台風
そっちもそうだろ?嫌な天気さ
ちょっぴり寂しくもなるね

夜は　床もドアも壁も
抱えきれないほど広い

風強く　窓が揺れる
受話器でつながって
寝るまで話そうよ
別の街に暮らす君よ
わかっていてほしい
僕らはひとりじゃない

天気予報も　違うくらい
離れてしまったね
まだまだ　暑い日が
続くみたいだよ

晴れ渡り雨少なく
それでも潤って
泣いたり笑ったりさ
別の街に暮らす君よ
寄り添ってやれないが
僕はここにいる

ーーーー

懐かしいね～

あの日は遠くあったんだね

disappoinment is what i hate most

ok my video is not understandable...it seems
sigh
i know i'm a very beginner and all and maybe the story is too complicated to truly comprehend but at least you should get the basic idea... I thought but it turned out not so =.='

it's frustrating and disappointing at the same time ... sigh
and i spent nights doing it
who should i blame? no one
even though i tries hard, it doesnt mean that it would be appreciated by pple
it's just something normal
still
maybe my world is just for me to comprehend then