since when did i turn keen on composing blog o.O
...maybe this is the last semester of university , my last 4 months of student life?
and maybe everything the future beholds for me is so unclear and unstable
=.=
like how can i still earn a living, at the same time chasing my dream, embrace my passion =.=
you need to compromise rite? in life...
or maybe i'm just too rushed ?
but if i dont, the so-called youth would escape from me in no time (i'm a girl anw and i still want to have a son ><...so youth would probably end ard 30s T_T...some few more years)
i dont ever want to just commit to a life with salary, work and a little family
...not exactly boring but as in not now when i still have the energy and passion to do at least follow my dream
at least when i'm still able to
i dont want to be tied down here in this small space singapore
i dont want to become those office-working who always just find reason to get a medical certificate for a day off of work... i mean what's the point when you have to endure a boring and tiring career with no passion, no motivation, no purpose...burying your youthful energy in some random office for the sake of living...
well maybe i'm just good at speaking without actually being able to implement anything
...which is the very reason that makes me write lots and lots
well no one will care to read these rantings as usual though but i just need to scribble down sth so that there is a place to release these thoughts
...speaking of which i have a diary which i name mr.diary haha (sry a random story popped up again but it;s just my style of writing blog if u ever read any entry of mine =.=)
well it's like 2 yrs i havent touched mr.diary alr
mostly coz mr.diary is in some forgotten corner i cant rmb where
and maybe blog is more convenient
and my hand-writing is way too much for my eyes ><
well ti return to the unknown future again...
you know i'm living with other 4 girls now ...but when the contract of this apartment ends, we'll part our ways i think
who will i meet next? i really dont want to just part with pple ...
mayb coz i'm kind of easily getting emotionally-attached to things ? and i dont want to be forgotten in others' memories
yes i'm just spoilt and selfish and eccentric..i dont ever want anyone take my place on others' hearts
i mean whatever place it is, as a friend, a housemate, a kiddish girl or whatever it is
2yrs in VNese university and i became closed to a small grp of friends. i really like them but since i came to singapore, i became stranger, excluded to any of their activities... that's why i can feel and be aware of the space and time difference very very well. maybe. i became stranger w different point of view abt life, love, lots of things... and my name slowly disappeared from their blog entries, photos, everything... then there's a new title "acquaintance" attached to my name rather then "friend". and that's it. how your existence blurs and comes to a stop in other's life. no mention, no appearance, no words... no whatsoever. I cant just blame them coz it's really hard to keep up conversation w sb who dont know what is happening at that place. i cant be there for them and vice versa. it all becomes memory for good =.=
then now it's my housemates who often spoils me and yields to my wishes, tolerates my kiddish nature and hyperactive mode =.=
things and pple just need to come and go ...
and friends who used to be closed would also part w your life
everyone really has their own life and that's just life?
am i just too greedy T_T
am i just seeking too much attention?
coz everytime i get closed to anyone i like, i'm alr scared of a time when we need to part... coz things just change inevitably and irresistibly
in the end,let's embrace and treasure your presence... however hard, painful, lonely and tiring it is T_T
ganbare~ !!!!!
and that's why i cant believe love at the first time or distance love...or at least it wont work for me haha
there's a need of time and space... and pple can only get to know the real me through real-life interaction, not through these stupid silly ranting thoughts =.='
saaa~ what would become of future me T_T
douyatte ...
5 comments:
For those passion, youth, job... part, I'd like to comment some words if u don't mind : "I have, let's say, sixty years to live. Most of that time will be spent working. I've chosen the work I want to do. If I find no joy in it, then I'm only condemning myself to sixty years of torture. And I can find the joy only if I do my work in the best way possible to me. But the best is a matter of standards - and I set my own standards. I inherit nothing. I stand at the end of no tradition. I may, perhaps, stand at the beginning of one." - The fountainhead - Ayn Rand.
thanks for reading my lengthy entry and thanks for your words
well i have no ready set of standard for anything but there is things i need to fulfill. there is, at least, for me responsibility to meet.
it's not like i can decide on the spot that it's a job i like or not. there're many factors. and for me a job is not necessarily a career, which you need to stick to for your entire life.
and it's me who cant decide on whether to take a job which inspires me or a job just for a sake of living so that i can still have time to walk towards my dream
it's me who get confused coz i'm not confident enough and i cant see a way to a solution... mayb i'm just too rushed T_T greedy and childish =.=
Is there any difference between "jobs that inspire" and those simply for living. They both belong to "non-dream" category. [non-dream and dream].
Neither un-confidence nor absence of solution. there are solutions and they are safe, YET lead straight to heavens. Do you want to trade off yourself to yourself?
Courage is what you need.
for me there is difference.
i used to have some tempt job which is just for the sake of earning some pocket money. and there were days when i woke up, and just finding some reason to get a day off. that's the kind of job, for me, is just for the sake of money and nothing else.
there is job which inpires you in a way that makes you always think about it, strive to excel it,... that's something more passionate than just a means of living...i guess
haha and i have my rules and criteria. there're things i wont do no matter what. it's not just a question of courage. the world is not just black and white like that.
XD Everything would be simple if it is only black or white, perfection or nothing, you or the rest of the world.
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