Tuesday, 30 March 2010

仲良し(*・∀・)/♡\(・∀・*)だよ --> 可愛いからさ~




なんか大ちゃんの声で泣きたくなって来た >_<
感動されたよね
いや、ていうか胸に触られたかなあ~
なんとなく
まあファンだからさ XD

さっき大ちゃんの写真を見たら、先生が大ちゃんは十五歳しか見えないと言った(笑)
ハハハ
純粋な笑顔だった写真だからさ
まあ~以上です。
大ちゃんがすごいところが多くて、何度書いても、終わらないよね XD
(*^^)^*) ☆Chu!!

最後に願いが届けますように~
お願いします m-_-m


....edit -__-' haha
jst rmb sth very random
i think i know where all my random, irrelevance, and incoherence in composing bog comes from -__-"
definitely manga...deshou !!!
basically there's s this huge turn in narrative of manga at the beginning of 1980s ~1990s which renders manga plots to break down in meanings and shift it focus out of narrative
the scholar argued that readers since then no longer requires for a coherence or consistency of the narrative and the manga is created through a colletion of 'moe' elements (which can be roughly translated like elements that arouses/ excites readers)...blha blah blah
...maybe it's my manga consumption then -__-'
or i'm just really random to begin with +___* hahah

Saturday, 27 March 2010

heart ga kaeranai - on listening to spitz -__-


for some reasons i find myself extremely immersed in all of these theories, of wars, of how did it happen and what becomes of after it @_@
why?
i dont recall to have any slightest interest in wars since small
or maybe the 'idealist' in me somehow grows unconsciously @_@
WHATEVER LOL =.='
i found myself stunned and curious to the max sitting on any lecture on history of wars
first is the Japanese history of 20th century war and now is Geopolitics War and Peace @_@
pple like me wont make money dont they T_T
spending their time contemplating on the war and peace
hating politics and business ^:)^
sadddddd
it's hard to strike the balance see
and having a naive mind wont help
all and all i just feel that i should really go into teaching or sth like inspiring or evoking wandering minds LOL
what the hell is that?

and yeah i think i screwed up on the interview with JTB
for what reason ?
they asked me where i see myself in 5yrs time
and being all naive and honest, i told them i'd go into grad school and may be teaching LOL !!! (like hth i could come up w such answer T_T) urghhhhhh
whatever

sighhhhhhhh
haha ok that's just my problem w being random and spotaneous and maybe blurrrrr
it wont help me earn a decent job T_T
sigh

and i'm still praying for it T_T
aww plssssssssss you alr let me w too much disappointment see
so pls
ahhhhhh *talking not to human*
hmmm :|


and lotssss of my friends are on vacation! and i'm here writing on terrorism on friday night for project T_T
whatever ple

...on another random topic
i want to read more xxxholic plsssssss T_T
it's 2 wks for one chapter !!!
like wayyyyy too slow :|

sigh
oh and i think i'm alr whining abt it bt i jst found out that Ohchan listen to Kaela chan too after Kouhaku XXD
just that i also happened to take favour in Kaela chan after she went on Arashi show haha
see there's the same reference here rite LOL
WHATEVER i'm just imagining lOL

and i miss otousan okaasan still ):
haiz

@ pix: Ohchan @ Kouhaku XXD <3 :*


Friday, 26 March 2010


is it normal to feel hyper every morning !!!
LOL well i just wanna post this photo so... XXD
aahhhhhhhhhhhhh how adorable OMG
over the rainbow LOL

one more week and the DVD will be delivered XXXXD
i really really really cant wait for ittttttttttt
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
will rewatch all the concerts at that time too XXD
Ohchan your new drama is coming too ne~
ganbatte ne~
:* :X



ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Arashi my love my soul XXXD :X

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

(-___- ╬メ)

oh yeah here am i wasting my time again
the essay is still there unfinished *-__-
work is still piling and time is still tickling away
without me being efficient -__-#

everyone has their own life
no matter how many times i repeat this term to myself, i tend to forget it somehow *__*

well the whole point is i'm just irritated these days coz of these stupid never ending projects and essays and my inefficiency annoys me even more -__-#

whatever

despite my over-optimism everything now is of smoky grey color to me
will it get clearer or just become pitch black?
omg who knowsssssss

it's this time of the year that treating me well or not doesnt make any difference coz it'll just mark different level of annoyance in me
despite my effort of being nice T_T

whatever

i'm spoiled and selfish by nature

.....still praying earnestly for it
no matter how i try to reason on the bright side of it, i'll definitely be incurably dissapointed this time round ;__;

if i'm not so greedy and wish for too much, then things are probably much more simpler now -__-*
human always desires for things that they can hardly reach maybe hhaa
and the conquering process is not always pink and full of roses you see

ahhhhhhhhhhhh CHEERSSSSSSSSSSSSS >_<

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

(ノ_・、)


嵐の宿題くんが終わりなんです (T_T)



まああ~
涙が多すぎてから、いつまでも泣けよ
準備できたままのような感じー_-’
だからこのビデオを見るたび、泣くはすです、私が (ノ_・、)
嵐の最初の番組で、最も面白い番組で、愛されたよね
この番組を見たとったん、嵐が好きになっちゃったよ
だからすごく愛された番組だと思う
終わってしまうのは非常に残念だろう
。。。まああ出会うがあれば、別れもあるはずなんだ
嫌は嫌だけどね

まあどこかでまた同じスタッフさんと嵐で新た番組を作っていただいたいです!
。。。大ちゃんはすごく可愛かったよ
終わりのが嫌がっているね
寝ませんも言ったんね (’3‘*)
だから大ちゃんがすきなの~

はい、終わりましょう
このエントリのは嵐の宿題くんの記念日のため作ったンだよ
嵐大大大大大好きだ!!!~
(ノ_・、)
嵐の宿題のスタッフさん今まで素晴らしい番組を見せていただいてありがとうございました~

Sunday, 21 March 2010

saturday minus weekend feeling -__-'


yesterday was a rainy day
it should be a perfect day to be laze around, watching shows and sleeping =.=
i did watch show T_T
but you cant enjoy watching while having to analyzing it at the same time @_@
the whole 'watching' loses its 'enjoy' meaning
all are how this detail/ scene can tie down to that concept =.=
scutinizing where and how the theme/ concept is shown @_@
urghhhhhhh

that's why
after submitting that stupid analysis i reward myself with another anime downloaded the other day :D
hehe
it's called Summer Wars by Mamoru Hosoda, the director of The girl who leapt through time
XD
hehe Summer wars is a bit different, takes place in the context the virtual world is highly developed and closely linked to reality
through virtual manipulation, one can harm and toss the order of the real world
it's really an interesting story on virtual communication and offline relationship
a bizzare virtual with bumerous potential connecting chances as well as countless potential malwares waiting to be activated
the beginning of the anime gave me really strong impression of Takashi Murakami though
since it's almost identically alike Takashi's conceptual world
intriguing indeed XXDD
the graphic is nothing special except for that wondrous virtual world that mesmerized me so much LOL
and the soundtrack is nice :D
the trailer looks good too
heard the movie won some awards
looks like most of Mamoru Hosoda's works got awards -__-'
sugeeeeee na

...i'm making onigiri again -.-
since i have all the necessary ingredients and it's easy LOL
the thing that turns me off most from cooking is the cleaning afterwards -__-' plus the 'i-cant-finish-such-amount-but-it's-not-worht-making-little' part
so living together w my housemates temporarily makes that 2 aspects vanished
at least i wont have to touch the washing dishes part T_T hehe

[day-dreaming] abt cooking for Ohchan XXD LOL -__-'
anw i still needd to submit another 2 drafts for project T_T, one on Japanese dramas ad how it promotes ideology and the other is on some war movie and how geopolitics affects view of war in that movie -__-'
urghhhhhhhhhh so many thingssss T_T

well let's go do it enthusically [impossible !!!] -__-



this is the piece that i love in the soundtrack of SUmmer wars
...like ahhhhhhh and a strong wind blows past you in the middle of a vast green meadow XD

then this is trailer of SUmmer wars



bottom line: Ohchan is sooooooooooooooooooo cute XXXD :X :* <3
@pix: who's this blackish cutie LOL
hayaku bihadan ni nare yo LOL :X

Thursday, 18 March 2010

onigiri XXXD and Abe no Seimei LOL XXD


today is one of my hyper day again XXXD LOL
and while waiting the rice to be cooked to make onigiri (yes i'm making onigiri♪ XXD...my very 1st time though hehe XD) want to type down about the lecture again XXD LOL
well it's Japanese popular culture if you wonder what lecture is that XD
today is Religion haha
well one of the topics that i hate to touch
HOWEVER
it is how religion is represented in Japanese popular culture, which is another story XXXD since i really love it haha
well the thing is how Japanese anime and pop culture integrated religious elements into their products that is exciting
and today the lecture focused on how Onmyoudou (sth like the way of Yin and Yang) is being presented
XXXD
that explains how i'm so hyper and excited!!! coz Onmyoudou in anime always links to super natural and fantasy XXXD
totally my type XXXD
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i think my classmate who sat beside me saw my eyes sparkling (manga type of sparkling) LOL XXD
wonder if she got scared LOL

anw
well it's abt how this novel about Onmyouji actually creates this whole 'onmyouji fad' and draws so much attention on this historical figure (who i always thought to be a legendary character =.=) called Abe no Seimei XXD (if u're familiar w onmyouji anime, you definitely heard abt this name before XXD)

so thanks to the fad, Abe no Seimei is presented like a bishounen in manga/anime to applea to the mass
and there're lots of imagination and representation based on his character
which of course affects readers of their understanding of how Abe no Seimei originally was and how Onmyoudou was

so there's concern of how popular image can affect media consumers of their view of certain religion/ historical figure through various mediums

and depends on the creator, their purpose, the agenda behind them that images of certain religion is built
maybe for satire, for criticism, for appealling to the younger generation...

the thing is how far these 'makeover' can be tolerant
it may become very serious when political agenda underlines the representation for certain purpose

see that's how powerful media can be
and how ridiculous ubiquitous politics can be, appearing in every and anything =.=
necessary evil huh haha

anw
i finish making onigiri XXXD
well let's say it's quite successful XD <3
just that i dont have budget to buy mentaico (spicy cod roe) and make mentaico onigiri (Ohchan's fav)
well in the near future then hehe XXD


last bt not least
i love OHCHAN XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXD
<3 :*
LOL
why am i so hyper? =.='

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

might as well jst float somewhere


i've been re-reading the email for nnnnnnnnnnn time =.=

mahhhhhh
mayb i'm tooo free
or mayb i just wanna feel the frail connection that hopefully manages to withstand for a few more months

sigh
if one wishes hard enough, would there wish come true?
wishing alone is nt enough ... that is certainly
for that wish to come true, be ready to sacrifice
even if the price having to pay is costly =.=
...seems like i start talking in xxxholic-manner alr @_@ lol
the after-effect

i know
i'm acting all selfish and spoiled =.= unreasonably and deliberately like always
and it definitely hurts
bt somehow it's jst my tendency to act spoiled and more than often vent all my nameless irritation on my family =.='
yes i'm the worst
worstest ever

so

so

so

i should really need to study hard now =.=
what kind of reasoning is that? haha

in e end i'm just a spoiled sprat not wanting to grow up huh




brain-dead after more than 24hrs w/o sleep =.=

Sunday, 14 March 2010

xxxholic i'm definitely xxxholic-HOLIC XXD


hahaha just read xxxholic XXXD
it is and it'll always be my most fav XXD
no matter how many manga i've read, only xxxholic is and genuinely my way of thinking hahaha
=.='
it's somehow problematic to say manga teaches you to think rite
but xxxholic is that special to me <3
...well not only xxxholic but yeah it contributes the most part LOL
i used to love x1999... until i read xxxholic haha
and tsubasa reservoir chronicle
TRC however is more like a chronicle of Clamp's works
so everytime i see a character of a another series re-appearing in TRC, it's like...ahhh so nostalgia XD
she/ he's used to be that character XXD
haha
that's TRC


but xxxholic is different
it seems slow and boring at first
but it's my whole world of fantasy
mixing together with my theory of balance, of neutrality, of nothing to be exactly right and wrong, of fantasy and dreams and connection, of coincidence and inevitability
ahhhhhhhhhhhh i get excited just by talking abt it haha
i laughed w it, cried w it, found myself deeply touched in a world of dreams and fantasy mixing up with reality

and it's gentle, admist of the bizzare scenes and happenings in the manga
it's gentle yet determinedly strong at needed time haha

and it's sth i can just laugh off, forget to read for decades and whenever i return, it's just there, remaining intact and profound
exactly like my thoughts, my perception, my obsession, my view of world and things XXD
hehe

i havent read it since arashi fandom lol
that's quite long but it's partly coz the pace of publishing each chapter is slow anw
and so when i read it today
the whole 'xxxholic' world just moves again
after all this time being in hiatus
XXD

the recent chapter is abt meeting and parting... and the pondering poetic question of will there be a meeting without having to part
and coincidetally, w/o reading it, it is what on my thought recently... haha
maybe not coincidentally bt 'inevitably'
to have the xxxholic feel haha

i will buy the whole collection when i have money dear
hehe
watanuki XXD lol
the title alone makes me totally fall for it
xxxholic XXXD <3

P.S.
Ohchan i still love you XXD hahaha


Friday, 12 March 2010

on how annoying/ridiculous things are hopelessly annoying/ridiculous =.='



today is somehow an adequately lucky day haha
just based solely on the fact that my IP class is canceled LOL
not that i hate it bt it's frm 6-9pm on friday nite =.=
so..cant help feel so blessed when the class is canceled XD
and i somehow managed to finish the class response on Vietnam war =.=' (hopefully decent enough =.=)

the problem with me is whenever i finish sth... as long as it's not toooooooooo bad, i immediately feel happy ^:)^
not coz of achievement
rather it's the feeling of being released from some invisible worry haha =.='
^:)^

anw the other lecture was Geopolitics War and Peace
recently i found it very interesting lol
maybe coz it's more relevant to me now since the topic now is on the Cold war geopolitical code and how it affected Southeast Asia XD
it's reallly realllly intriguing! as you learn a lot of facts that seem very irrelevant actually all are connected and make a lot of sense to me
as i grown up in that very place

i think the lecturer definitely felt a bit of angry when he explained to us what happened and how a lot of the information was covered or 'framed' nicely =.='

Today lecture was on the war in Cambodia and what may be the cause for the genocide happened there

Very shortly,
US in 1960s was afraid of a dominoes effect that may take place in Southeast Asia if it falls into communism
So around 1973 when US started to see its defeat in South VN, South VN became the next 'domino'. US governemnt also feared that other Indochine like Laos and Cambodia may become the 'next domino' to fall into communism
so Cambodia was bombed intensely
and for what reason ? bombing an agrarian country and most of the bombing was targeted in the rural, or with no clear target at all

and the bombing certainly left tremendous impact on the people there, the hatred, the indignation they held

after Saigon failed (in US view), US government started to build military base in Cambodia to prevent communism from VN
but Cambodia itself has a lot of internal conflicts after the devastating bombing campaign of America

Khmer rouge started to form as opposing grp to the Cambodia government that is supported by US
Khmer rouge was actually very clever as they realized children can be manipulated very well...as long as you teach them to shoot and kill, they wont argue or hestitate to kill :|

(i feel really disgusted at this part @_@)

they gathered a lot of children from those families that were bombed in the rural and since all of them felt indignant towards US

Khmer rouge used certain ideologies of Cambodian to tell their soldiers to kill, to revenge
(the idea of revenge of Cambodian is truly scary... it's nt an eye for an eye but it's an eye for a body, an eye for the whole family ^:)^ *__* so that no one will ever avenge *__*)
so that's partly how the genocide came about
and for Khmer rouge, their initial target were pple living in the urban area as urban pple were associated with being closed to US, to evil, capitalism =.='
so Cambodian killed each other and killing happened even within the family as the children were taught to disregard whatever connection with their parents and love the leader only =.=

damn it they used children!!! that's the part that i felt so angry and disgusted
so cruel and filthy
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
well coz personally i love children and how innocent, pure and imaginative they are
and seeing how they were used to kill(!!!) not on anime but in real life ^:)^ and kill their parents!!!!
it's just horrendous and abhorrent!
the worst

=.=

anw return to the genocide
VN army actually fought those Khmer rouge
partly coz there was dscrimination and lots of Viet-Khmer were killed, then fight on the border of VN and the disrespectful attitude of Khmer towards VN

and when VNese actually brought the downfall of Khmer rouge, there was a government back by VNese established in Cambodia
which was harshly criticized by international community
partly of the ill intention
and mainly coz of the geopolitical code at the time when VN was still perceived as a threat of communism

and do you know why Cambodia genocide received so much attention and coverage from the press? it's all thanks to US's media that 'framed' the genocide and VNese soldiers (coz at the same time in East Timor, another genocide also happened but it's hardly known of) =.=

and it was ridiculous when US, one of the very 'cause' of this whole Khmer rouge thing actually returned and supported them when the VN army withdrew frm Cambodia (probably use them as a buffer against communism ?!!!)

and the Khmer rouge still survived and excercised their violence rampantly =.=' till 1990s and became constant threat to UN representatives as they kidnaped and killed lots of foreigners =.='

.....
well last lecture i felt that VN was extremely unlucky to choose everything a bit wrongly =.=

but after this lecture, seems like VN is still much much more lucky than Cambodia

it is really horrible for such a small country in the span of 30 yrs to suffer that much
=.=

thanks a lot to geopolitical code of Cold war =.=!!!
some imaginary concepts that costs lives of civilian and destruction =.=

well i have nothing to say abt politics and religion but i genuinely do not want to touch it =.='
again... necessary evil =.=

seems like this lecture intensifies my hatred to the thing i alr hate...however neutral i wanna remain ...

wondering how those children may feel when they grow up and understand about the thing they did to their family ... or maybe they still remained feeling and understanding nothing at all ...

haiz
such a long and wordy post ^:)^
amazed at myself for actually typing them out
...

word for today: 2 options now T_T war ? orr children ?
ahha

=.='
that's it
now should be time for IP projects @-@

btw the link below is McNamara on Vn war
quite interesting actually

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3899087292142493432&hl=en&emb=1#docid=-8653788864462752804

Thursday, 11 March 2010

haze -.-

shortly

Kamikaze girls is recommended
interesting take on Japanese pop culture and the participation of youth
amusing movie indeed XD esp for those who love Japanese pop culture

War movies are all about framing and extremely controversial in that sense
Geopolitics is interesting indeed haha
and poor the prof when some student emailed ask him "How am I supposed to feel touched when watching that video?" --> ... it it were me --> how the hell do I know if you're some cold hearted smart ass who couldnt feel moved T_T =.=

and i think i know clearly why btw Japanese studies and CNM, japanese studies is sooooo much more appealing =.='
not just the lecture, it's the people also =.=
whatever

that's it for today T_T

http://yamakaze067.vox.com/library/photo/6a011015f527fc860b0123de06e2c8860c.html
Ohchan's role XD
kawaiii <3 :*



その手は嘘じゃないから

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

yurase ima wo ~


well this is the song for the weather forecast session on Zoomin (Japanese morning news)
Otousan also listens to it every morning XXD
haha
i like the song anw XXD
i mean Arashi's songs in general <3 LOL
upbeat, encouraging, positive :* :* :*
fit 'hyper' like me perfectly well XXD

揺らせ、今を

by 嵐

どうしようもないなって泣いた夜
ガラス越し町は輝いてた
止まらない時においてかれぬように
人ごみを見つめえてた

それぞれ流れて流されて
時々何も見えなくなっても
この目を開いてそらさないように
確かに光はある

向かい風に向かって growing up
大雨に打たれたっていいや
明日はきっと雨あがて
太陽待っているだろう

ぼろぼろだったあの日だって
キラリ光った夢がいつも
強く強くあるから

揺らせ、揺らせ、揺らせ もっと
どんな時も僕らは
今を、今を、今を ずっと
走り続けるだろう
ひとつひとつの意味を知るため
Going, going, going on 高く

ふわり、ふわり、ふわり 舞って
こんな時を生きてく
今を、今を、今を ずっと
感じてるそれだけ
過去も未来も全部輝く
一歩一歩踏みしめて
今始まる

よせてわかえす波のように
繰り返しながら変わって行く
そんな毎日に残した足跡
確かに進んでいる

いつの間にか時は動いた
もう何を言われたっていいや
あれからもっと強くなった
自分が待っているだろう

モノクロだった景色だって
きれいになって色取られて
僕の前にあるから

回れ、回れ、回れ もっと
どんな時も僕らは
夢を、夢を、夢を ずっと
探し続けるだろう
一人一人の声を重ねて
Going, going, going on 笑顔

ひらり、ひらり、ひらり 咲いて
こんな時を生きてく
夢を、夢を、夢を ずっと
感じてるそれだけ
君に見せたい物があるから
全部、全部詰め込んで
今行くから

君に風吹きますように
君に届けますように
君が笑うように
思い描いたとおり
物語また続いて行く
そしてまた時が出会えるよう
This is my life

揺らせ、揺らせ、揺らせ もっと
どんな時も僕らは
今を、今を、今を ずっと
走り続けるだろう
ひとつひとつの意味を知るため
Going, going, going on 高く

ふわり、ふわり、ふわり 舞って
こんな時を生きてく
今を、今を、今を ずっと
感じてるそれだけ
過去も未来も全部輝く
一歩一歩踏みしめて
今ここから


English:

On a night I couldn't help but cry
The city beyond the glass glittered
and I saw crowds try not to be left behind in this ceaseless time

Either following the flow or being washed away
Even if sometimes we can't see anything
Open your eyes and don't look away
There's certainly light there

Facing the headwinds and growing up
Don't care if I'm beaten by heavy rain
Tomorrow, the rain will definitely let up
And the sun will be waiting, right?

Although I was beat-up that day
A brightly shining dream will always
Strongly, strongly be there

Shake it, shake it, shake it more
No matter when, we'll always keep running through
this "now", "now", "now", right?
In order to understand the separate meanings,
Going, going, going on higher

Gently, gently, gently fluttering
Living in this moment
Always feeling only this "now", "now", "now"
The past and the future are all shining
Step by step, walking firmly
to begin "now"

Like waves that come close and then fall back
Changing while repeating
Those footsteps left behind every day
Are certainly moving forward

Before you knew it, the times had changed
Don't care what I'm told anymore
A "me" that's become stronger since then is waiting, right?

Even a once monochrome scenery
Can be painted to become beautiful
Since it's ahead of me

Turn, turn, turn more
No matter when, we'll always keep searching for
A dream, dream, dream, right?
The voices add one by one
Going, going, going on smile

Lightly, lightly, lightly blooming
Living in this moment
Always feeling only a dream, dream, dream
The things I want to show you
Everything, every little thing is crammed in
And going to you now

Hoping the wind blows to you
Hoping it reaches you
And hoping you laugh
Like I imagine
The story is continuing to go on
And then, we'll meet again by chance
This is my life

Shake it, shake it, shake it more
No matter when, we'll always keep running through
this "now", "now", "now", right?
In order to understand the separate meanings,
Going, going, going on higher

Gently, gently, gently fluttering
Living in this moment
Always feeling only this "now", "now", "now"
The past and the future are all shining
Step by step, walking firmly
From here and now




practising singing this song =.='
it's fast XXD which is good for practising speedy Japanese =.='

ytd i came across some fan-cam vid on youtube of Ohchan's old stage play
it was so touching and cute when he couldnt refrain crying at the ending coz the feeling of achievement
it was his very 1st stage play, very 1st individual challenge as Arashi member... must've been working very hard <3 at such young age
oh dear
all the more reasons for me to work harder!!!
:*

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

-so what? -so plenty [somehow i can draw connection to Ohchan orz]



i sleep too much T_T
i know that i sleep toooooooooo much T_T
my brain tells me dont bt i cant refrain physical self ORZ
i think i probly slept for 3/4 of sunday
wtf ^$#U)$@)
@_@ that's how i couldnt afford doing anything else T_T
even watching arashi's shows properly
like wth *_*
i hate doing things half-heartedly this way ^:)^
urghhhhhh
it'll be horrible frm now towards the end of March *__*
i can only see deadlines on my planner o.O
and nothing else =.=
no job
money
Japan
wtf

T_T
and in between all the naps on that lazy drowsy sunday i dreamt of riding a roller coaster
and it always scares the hell out of me when the roller coaster drops ...
though i would enjoy the feeling somehow after the whole thing is over
but the feeling of falling down, freely and effortlessly
scared the hell out of me
physically and mentally
hahaah
for falling is just way tooo easier
and it's sad when there's nothing trying to seize you back
somehow it's jst uneasy =.=
haiz
why i can rmb dreams and images so clear
much much clearer than whatever i'm supposed to rmb +__+
if only i can memorize kanji and everything else this much *__*

nvm
should return to the darling*** projects =.=

i think i should find some part-time T_T
thou i have no time for it T_T sighhhhhh

lastly i'm always serious when talking abt Ohchan =.='
believe me i genuinely wanna have a son like him :*
LOL
------------


あの日のお父さんの目は忘れられない
ずっと私にじっと見ていた
いつかまた出会えるかなっ、その目が言ってたような感じがした
本当の娘が離れる時みたい

愛されたなあ~私が思ってた
私が本当に恵まれるな、二人と出会えることに

だから
だから出会うが良ければ良いほど、別れるのがその幸せさほど痛いよ
別れが必然のを知ってるけれども、いつも凹んでる
だから別れは嫌なんです!苦手なんです!
別れられない出会いがあるのかなぁ



P.S.: 嵐= storm
ナミ= wave
i love these words <3 :*
maybe 魚、海、青 can be in the list also XD

Sunday, 7 March 2010

sleepy morning

just wanna note down that i love the movie XD
Alice in the wonderland <3
it's just so cuteeeeeee like whatever remains in my memories of the wonderland in the picture book i had when i was in small
all the giant flowers, colorful mushrooms, smiling cat, tea table, card queen's golf, running rabbit with its clock XD
ahhhhhhhhh that's it that's it
and Johnny Depp was so cute in his role
hat maker that gets panicked easily ahhaa
and ANne Hathaway in her super exaggerated royal manner LOL
yeah that's it
well for a better understanding , go watch the moive yourself LOL
i;m always a fan of Alice in the wonderland anw bt the movie is cyte XXXD haha
i'm nt sure what i'm typing alr
literally
still sleepy head in morning =.=
btw ytd i played Haru no hi for koto
it's a nice piece :*
and i love it practising till your shoulders and hands die =.=
bt i'd love it more if sensei has the cd so i can memorize the melody
watched two documetaries on Vietnam war also
will write abt it soon when i feel more awake o.O

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeWsZ2b_pK4

Saturday, 6 March 2010

friday nite of no-life pple hahaha


Ohchan just dyes his hair XXXD
This color makes his skin look so dark though =.='
haha
anw it's too much for a friday nite!
after 6-9pm lecture, there's a long 'loved' email for how i have neglected and ignored my responsibility (!)
nice framing
thanks
it's really great adding up to all my frustration of mid-terms and piles of unfinished projects and irritation of having to post sth on forum

so there it goes again
well it's embarassed to waste your tears on things like this
extremely embarassed =.=
should train to restrain myself better

work harder work harder work harder
watch Arashi and ignore all those unpleasant stuffs

there's no time to feel disappointed
believe what you believe and do what you have to do!
dont lose sight of your passion and dont regret what you chose
that's it
simple

like the lyrics of troublemaker XD lol
ganbare ganbare ganbare~~~


Thursday, 4 March 2010

gender lecture hehe XD


haha i'm somehow always inspired to compose blog on thursday after Japanese studies lecture XXD
well since it's inspiring and thought-provoking as always XXD and on topic that i'm most interested XXD
today lecture is on gender and its portrait in media XD
another engaging lecture
so the topic should be gender for this entry *keep in mind keep in mind* ><

again she question the 'socially constructed gender' in contrast to the biological gender
the social gender is more or less the gender role assigned to us by social norms
so what does all this chaos causing by 'gender role' mean anw? SInce it's socially constructed, why cant we just ignore and forget abt it? why cant there be 2 gender in 1 physical body hahaa
that's whole lot of interesting question XD LOL
why?
bt it's hard to say since we grow up in society and have been educated with this hetereosexual mind and constantly reminded our 'assigned' role by society and people around us
so in one way or other, our mind and taste already is shaped in that certain path of thought

pple often say things like i'm very open to homosexual
really? are you open or you're just open for the sake of being an open-minded individual? in which case makes you all the more discriminated haha

if you're really dwelled on the question and seriously think about the constructed gender role and why it is so
that's when you may have a more open view towards homosexuality
still for me i wouldnt say i have anything against them bt the 'biological needs' part just somehow off =.=' LOL but well i read yaoi manga and shonen-ai lol

so in a way i accept such thing in manga bt just not in reality -.-'
well i'm saying i'm quite conservative in that sense =.='

back to the social gender role
it's very interesting that in Japan, male dressing up as female can sell and appear publicly and pervasively in media but not the other way, female dressing up as male
why?
isnt it interesting why is it that 'male entertainer' being accepted and not female?
in the end though we argue that there's challenge to the 'social gender role' in such and such to try to break the norm of being 'masculine' and 'feminine' bt it still pretty much reflects the patriarchical society of Japan in the very way of its process rire?

hahaha
and i love Japanese variety showsss XXD
it's jsut too entertaining and amusing haha
and thought-provoking once you critically watch it XD

as always i'm overwhelmed with the flow of thoughts and ideas and questions XXD

still i need to go back and do the stupid project on how Facebook is a innovative Internet application T_T arghhhhh

and the weather is really ^$*@%*$)_@
been consumed extravagantly tissue ^:)^
well tissue translates into money you know T_T
and using too much tissue = scratching your nose ^:)^
and in light of such irritation causing by nose allergy, i recommend all the people not to touch cigarette
or else your child would suffer like me T_T
at least think of other pple before you try to pick up cigarette =.=
well i still dont get why thinking can be associated with smoking =.='
there're plenty ways of thinking without smoking rite =.=
basically i just cant stand cigarette and smoker o_O

well living a normal life is complicated itself see @_@
with all the trivial worries and irritation =.=

today one of my friend told me that he doesnt want to think of anything as 'boring' or 'plain'
well i think he wants to say that he has no discrimination against anything, good or bad
as in open to everything and accept them wholeheartedly and work and live for it to the fullest
makes me think abt career again
there's a time that i think anything that you've been assigned to do, maybe it's boring but you'll find sth interesting out of it along the way
so i thought i wouldnt be bothered w any type of job
bt still it's again another ideal =.=
i have low toleration for stuff that i dont like in the 1st place
basing on how i choose modules to learn and how i dropped the mod or jsut ignored it if it's nt to my liking
i dont think i can stand the job that is monotonous and mundane =.='
well i may try really hard bt would somehow give up. =.=
haiz
oh i'm far away frm the topic of today *__* lol
...
wish that all the things i need to do is done =.=' LOL

and i'm going to watch ALice in the wonder land 3D SOOONNNNNNN XXD
:***

and Oh chan is just so adorable <3 ~ XXD
ahhhhhhh i can die in your sweetness :* :X <3




it's this performance that i cant get you out of my head XXD <3
Ohchannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

complaintsssssssssss *____*


i cant believe it !!!
there are pple who have too much time on hand to go and correct my typo =.='
OMG =.='
and whatever i wrote wasnt even meant to be public *_*
maybe i can ask them help me editting my paper if they have so much time =.='

sigh.
see, my friends who took Jlpt2 all got their results alr. they all passed
and i still havent got mine
and chances are that i wont make it coz i didnt manage time very well and screwed up the paper T_T

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh T_T
then all the projects are pouring down on my head *__*
not to mention the ridiculous weather of singapore blessed me with allergy, fever and headache T_T
wth ^:)^
well partly it's my fault for being such a lame procrastinator
still there're too many thingssssssssss to do ><
and i still havent secured any job
oh and all the financial worry is coming into the picture as well t_T
i dont wanna think abt it but reality is w/o money there're just lots of things you cant do T_T

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
and wth i feel so sleepy these days T_T
which reduces the time that should be used for projects T_T
screw you, loser! just go to hell alr *__*

... i'm nt really sure if the host family received my email alr...last time otousan didnt figure out that it was my email and ignored it for a whole month *_* haha

and my friends will be going to Japan this march
ahhhhhhhhh sakura T__T
sighhhhhhh

need to return to my piling projectsss now T_T

anw this fanvid is really nice :D
i love Haku in Spirited away...well another ideal romance of my taste XXD
it's mutual support you see, Haku helps CHihiro but CHihiro also rescues him
and they are kind of 'destined' to meet each other in that fantasy setting
...a reunion after their past encounter
XXXD ahhhhhhhh i jst love it
and the image of the white dragon XXXD is soo kakkoii XXD <3
oh my fantasy realm :*

...and i ordered Arashi concert tour 5x10 DVD(of course i've been waiting for it monthsssssssss)...which adds up to the poverty picture i'm being drawn to =.='
haizzzzzzzzzz



@pix: oh just becoz Ohchan's cute sleeping :*