T_T i couldnt do anything thse past few nights @_@
back frm work and just slept :|
that's so horrible ><
while i'm supposed to study Japanese, update on fandom, and watch varieties T_T
the only thing i managed to do is taking bath and ironing my clothes for the next day :|
it feels extremely insufficient and useless and incomplete =.='
haizzzzz
but even with that much sleep, it's still damn tiring T_T and i can still sleep anywhere and everywhere T_T
how?!
i need to overcome this stupid crisis =.=' and get over the boredom and exhaustion all this mundane daily stuff stuffed me with T_T
ganbatte ~
haiz
btw i came across this book left at the shelf by my friend, called THe lost childhood and other essays by Graham Greene :D
and couldnt help getting all hyper after reading the 1st chapter on how books may influence a child future...
well it's true that to a child, a book or some other form of communicating medium felt like some almighty existance when jst abt everything and anything was perceived as absolute and precise...
well the world changes when pple grow up and things lost their absoluteness ><
...
after 24 yrs of living with the so-called 'neutral'theory...that everything and anything always has limit, that there's a point when sth would exhaust, that there's no 'absolute' ang 'forever'
somehow lately i want some 'absoluteness' being around me ...
this sounds stupid bt it's like having this illusion that this'completeness' might still linger somewhere around on earth, maybe very subtly or may be it's just a form of of perception ><
sigh
well why not, being such a superficial being? why cant i desire for sth perfect and wholesome? haha lol
the logic sounds nonsense but well whatever i colddnt care less
that's my perception and my thought anw...
that's why when someone asks me what's the meaning of my VNese name... instead of the fairy in the moon, i chose 'eternal autumn' now LOL
it's completely irrelevant bt then and again, you know my randomness =.=
coz eternal, everlasting, for ever are those words i categorized as words that dont belong to this world coz there's no manifestation of it ... or so i thought
so using something like this for the meaning of my name... is like i somehow wanna accept there's some form of existence of this 'wholeness' and 'absoluteness'
...well that's it =.='
haiz
and i hate rainy mornings now since walking to my workplace is so troublesome and dirty T_T
ok time for work T_T
i couldne get over live performance ... it's always so captivating and overwhelming ...
7 comments:
Please excuse me for intruding your blog again. But there's something I cannot leave without comment ! XDDD
That is ...
the completeness,
the perfection, ...
the fullest.
[Somehow I don't know how to express exactly what it is, but it's there... seems like there's no way but... gotta open my belly and bring out all the organs to prove it ... ]
The pureness,
The unpolluted entity.
The uniqueness,
[Argggggg]
Especially people get more and more easily pleased, forget to strive for the better, the best.
Yes, nothing last forever but the earth and sky (from the "forever" of Stratovarius). yet in other aspect, it exists,for a person's life span.
If it is so short ?
And they fill it up with things, events, or stuffs that don't really mean much in their lives ? I believe one person deserve the best value, the most beautiful things ... if they decide to choose it, if they dream hard enough, wish hard enough ... [burn, burn, burn]
[It's been a long time since I meet someone, asking for the "perfect", the "absolute" ... and that pours more oil into the burning flame inside me, really can't help myself, haha, sorry about that].
However, recently I've been asking myself : where does the beauty, the greatness hide ? only in something, someone looks good, looks nice ...? or it may live within very common things, ordinary persons around me ?
haha for me, it's universal truth that things dont last forever.
nothing is absolute and nothing is infinite.
there'd be a day the earth and the air came to an extinct as well.
so this 'absolute' i'm asking for is like a wishful belief ... maybe haha
well bt i wanna believe that maybe it's still there
anw, the perception of 'absolute' and 'forever' varies frm pple to plle so..
well and for the beauty and the greatness that lies in ordinary days...well there is
and of course one would find it miracle and amazing when they caught that tiny heart of the seemingly mundane and boring oridinaries...
bt sometimes human are just too weak and vulnerable in life and they get exhausted too often to realize the beauty containing within ordinaries...
again it's a question of human preception :)
Honestly speaking, I feel ... insecure when hearing one person say "That depends." - a powerful phrase. it gives those who use it a mystery shell, a layer of protection ... Don't know what exactly it is, but know that it is my enemy ! hahaha XDDD
Let say p is the probability that when one person believe in one's existence, and it is there. Then ... at the moment, you have already had 2p ==> higher chance ==> don't give up !!! hahaha
By the way, when a person does one same thing every single day ... if he/she doesn't get to love it soon, he/she would get to hate it someday. if that's the case, everyday is nightmare. @_@
----------------
It's weekend, my friend. Let's enjoy it to its fullest ! yay yay !
Let's watch anime, read manga, and cook some good stuff ! XDDDD
of course you'll feel insecure coz it means that there're things beyond your knowledge and possibility that you havent taken into consideration :D
well i dont know abt layer of protection thou haha
i mean it's a way of avoiding going into too detailed but there're just too many uncertainties to conclude sth absolute
so it's not just an expression bt it does differ frm people to people and you cant just generalize
haha
like i said it all depends on people, so maybe he/she doesnt find it as pleasant everyday bt there's still a possibility that he/she may notice how such mundane work helps her/him in a way
if it's just not more than a nightmare, then why continue with it ane suffer?
there's got to be a reason when human chose to endure certain thing for the sake of other things that they love ...
or so i thought hehe
Of course there always exists uncertainty. As the world we're living in, every step we make, there are so many uncertain or even unknown behaviors or events may affect the final result.
"What if ... ?" questions is substituted by "Assume ...". That's the way all mathematicians introduces their theorem. [for example, on the way to work, there is a chance that u r late, that may be caused by many factors, yet their probabilities of happening is not considerable, that's why u keep going. Simply by decide to go, u have already made some assumptions.]
There is much effort and attempt to generalize and categorize things happen everyday. Insurance companies decide whether or not they accept an applicant whose information is taken, processed and categorized [be a potential customer or not]. Same goes for super market (the position they arrange items by analyzing customer's receipt) ... or medical treatment (decide whether one patient should be operated ?)... Which means, absoluteness does not guarantee 100 per cent; it is 85%, 90%, 95% ... people keep trying, of course, to get as close as 100% as possible (One primitive motivation I think is that they believe it is obtainable ^^ so do you ?)
I don't know how much different that is between "accept" and "suffer" to you. One thing I strongly believe, if I don't get to love things I do, I may do it well, but not best XDDD cuz I wouldn't even waste time finding how to do better. It sounds wield and stupid, yet why they bother me, when I like, or even love the job, but co-workers, working environment gets in the way ... Hahaha, it doesn't really matter to me, though. [Maybe I live on the mountain for so long. hahaha.] As long as the ultimate goal remains there XD
Why people spend their precious time (a lot or even a little) on those they don't like rather than those they love ? on other people whom they may never meet second time ? Sigh, I don't understand them at all. [and never try to ?!!]
XDDDDDDD
Agree on the assumption part
and well you're drawing your assumption from your experience, and my opinion is frm my perspective,both are quite subjective in a way haha
so i cant say that everything i thought can be everything that happen to you and vice versa. that's one point
and even for the attitude towards things you like or not like are also different from people to people. You can still do the things you dont like well bt others may just give up.
What i mean is there needs to be compromise and sacrification for certain part as you cant expect life and things are all about what you want/like.
even in the meaning of 'like/love' i mean when i said i like the job, it consists of not only the job itself but also the working enviroment, the colleague,... just as when i like sth, i'll have to try and accept all the goods and bads of it. i cant just like the best part and ignore the defect part. that's my perception of 'like'.
but it's definitely different from your 'like' and others' 'like'
rite :D
well people may 'waste' time on things/ pple they never meet on your perception but in their perception it's sth else and it may not be entirely useless on how outsiders may look on it.
well people are complicated sometimes hhaa
Haha,
I Don't really understand the abstraction of various "like" at all. That's fine, cuz I don't really care, honestly. :D
You're right ! Things always come with an equivalent price, whether implicitly or explicitly, absolutely agree XDDDD
By the way, what I mean when phrasing "wasting time" is people try to be good, be nice under other's eyes. Forget who they are, what they like, indeed, ... [Cuz I didn't understand my friend at all, he easily got angry when another guy passed by and stared at him, or "changed" into a surprisingly nice guy when a lady tagging along, hahaha. That's not that bad, but ... what for ? ] ...
well people are complicated sometimes hhaa
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