eternity might as well come into exist hahaha

oh dear
another hyper morning =.='

one of the ideas of Plato's eternal and immutable matters i jst read in Sophie's world is so cute ...and well practical and sounds nerdy at the same time =.='
lol
eternal state like maths formulas never changes and universal ...or so did Plato think
haha i mean i never take maths into consideration in my universe and stated solemnly myself that nothing lasts forever =.='
well bt thing does change rite, like there may be a day when some of our known formulas become a bit inexact ... or not true under certain condistion
maybe it's jst that we havent found out yet XXXD
universe is always amazing and full of surprise
lol

ok i started to sound like a nerd =.='
anw i jst want so note down that there really may be a chance that something tangible or intagible may remain unchanging no matter waht
just like the constant in maths XD

hah whatever
see nowadays i can get hyper over nothing like this
maybe it's jsut the so-called inability to adjust to the boring working life and workplace relationships @@
or whatever you name it
oh and ytd i was forced to write a business email in VNese .... =.='
it was really when the horror began @_@
i mean never before in my life that i had to write business email or formal email in VNese @_@
do i even really write email in VNese? *dots*
all the words sound strange and weird to me and all my sentence structures messed up miserably @_@
oh dear my VNese degraded and it like forever since i last wrote anything in full and correct-spelled VNese qand formal styleO_O
felt like i aged 10 more yrs after writing such @_@
and damn it i typed damn slow in VNese as well =.=
and it was such a nightmare having to be addressed by 'em' by all the ojisan @_@
urghhhhhhhhhhhhh
and having to call them by 'anh' *literally gagged mentally*
ewwww
and i hate those ojisan's attitude, acting like they're the best of the world and looking down on pple, esp female ^_$*%*@_%*_#@
it's reallly like *WTF*

anw that's it
i shouldnt be so bitchy in the morning rite
haha
*keep my bitchy mode hidden*

and Ohchan is still very adorable *melting* XXXD

i want to get "Dear snow" single XXD
and gosh they have like 3 singles and 1 album since april till now :|
...almost like a single per month @_@
oh my pocket ^:)^

ok that's it for today

anyone wanna get hyper as me? you can just try "troublemaker" by Arashi XXXXD
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

on another random wednesday

oh people i'm again bored to death T_T

a fish cant return to being a fish
one of the lines in this song =.='
how sad is that
sighhhhhh



literally i have nothing to actually put in this entry
just the urge to shout out that I'M BORED T_T

even though the book is such a treat
even though my roomate came home last nite to entertain me w our gossip story
even though i got to watch loads of Ohchan last nite
even though tmr is the pay day
sigh
so the question is why do i even feel bored T_T
arghhhhhhhhhhh
spoiled i'm jst spoiled man =.='
and my fren is going to Japan... like againnnnnnnnnnn @_@
ok now i'm a bit jealous as well
=.=
i miss my student life T_T
and miss all my inspiring lectures
and our endless fandom talk
and my demanding Japanese essays T_T
whateverrrrrrrrrrr

oh and i wanted to put this song called seishun ikinokori game by Spitz bt i couldnt find any streaming version of it.... so sakana is here instead

anw let's jst read the lyrics in attribute to Seishun ikinokori game (literally means the game of surviving youth)

本当の淋しがり屋は 金棒で壊しまくってる
まちがって悪魔と踊る よろこんで命もけずる

荒れ荒れのハートに染み込む 他人の幸せの粒が
明日には変わるはずさ 気のせいでいいよ 今は

※生き残れ 星降る夜に 約束通り必ず会おうよ
花吹雪 身体に浴びて 笑えるくらい 瞳輝かせて※

勝ち目の無いバカなゲームと 適当に風に流してた
青春の意味など知らぬ ネズミのように ただ

△生き残れ 見知らぬ街で ふくらむ気持ち 丸々たくして
紙ヒコーキ 恋する季節百億世代続いた糸を切る

welcome to the world o.O

haiz
maybe i'm just being suspicious, which is quite abnormal for someone who more than often believes in everything pple said like me =.='
but
it's just hard to tell which is real and which is just for sake of business and socialization =.='
esp when it comes to working and the world of adults
i'm completely clueless
=.='

the other day my boss told me he wanted me to try liaising and selling products to Vietnam market =.='
i was like wth T_T
never expect myself to do sth business-like like that -.-
bt then and again i'm bored to death stuck at the office w mundane and tedious job
so i might as well just give it a try rite

on second thought, i dont know where this would lead me to and if it's anywhere near my dream =.='

damn it life is hard to deal w as of it now
i'm jst lost. sigh.
In this adult's world, pple's words are just hard to believe =.='
what can i do?
i should just not take any words easily? i should jst refuse to believe in human's goodness? i should just deny my phylosophy and motto and forget abt my ideoogy?
should i just lose myself in the process then T_T

anw like i said, it seems that my boss really hopes that i would be able to take over VN market @_@
sigh
dont expect of me too much
i hate to do anything under pressure and i dont like to disappoint anyone at all
like how i dont like to be disappointed at pple at all

it should not be the way how the world works rite

i'm not really emo now, jst confused and lost =.='
sigh

the book 'Sophie's world' does entertain me though
in a very intriguing way haha
though i'm nt that interested in phylosophy and i kind of know more or less all of these through my phylosophy course in VN university bt it's still genuinely pleasant to read :D

and i was alone for the whole week coz my roomate didnt return home =.='
well it comes to the point i take it as everyday matter and stop bothering abt it alr @@
bt still once in a while when you do really need sb to jst ramble on and on to release the stress on your mind, it's still better to have her ard =.=

and my mom told me she's busy to the point she has no time to talk w me
how sad is that
i mean on one hand it makes me sad that i'm nt her 1st priority
on the other hand it further saddens me as she still has to work so hard even though she's getting old nowaday -.-

and all i can do is sitting here rambling on and on w/o being able to help her since i still had this huge debt w NUS T_T
how i wish it would jst disappear one morning and i have no business w this boring country =.='
well nt that i want to return VN yet @@
see, i conflict myself in every single aspects =.='
maybe i should jst stay children and stop comtemplating abt the world and human and anything at all =.= hahaa
that's perfect.

listening to Robinson and forget abt all of this T_T
and why is it that i still have no time doing anything after work @_@
sigh

self-assertion lol

just realized i've wasted too much time getting all emo =.='
and sleeping @_@
haha
i just really have to deal w it, face it, stop whining and accept the fact that i need to be a grownup now =.='
and i need to spend my time efficiently on studying Japanese and watching arashi =.='
which has been neglected the past week due to my low morale mode =.='

it's no good losing sign of your dreams rite
however superficial and illogical it may sound, it's still what i'm aiming for and it's definitely worth my precious time and efforts. that's it
no more useless wonders and doubts
it's the way i've chosen anw and i should just have to stand up for it and keep pushing through till the end right!
ganbatte~~~
haha
suddenly everything seems to look brighter for nxt week haha
maybe
even if it's not, i have to make it look brighter and more promising anw =p
ganbatte ~~~

september wonder

sometimes it strucks me if what i'm chasing really means anything
when i couldnt be near pple to whom my existence matters
a painful realization that i might in the end have to step on every single principle of my naive ideology to keep going on and pursuing this dream

like a catastrophe sweeping through, leaving behind a me in a lost paradise, puzzled and confused all over again

still i dont ever want to let go of this tiny world of mine, of naive beliefs in miracle and wonders and justice -

i'm born reluctant to everything that i have no interest in ... so please dont make me suffer frm this lack of inspiration any longer
intrigue me please ><

meeting and talking w friends only gives me a short-term peace of mind
and soon, reality remains that i still need to drag myself to work and to the world of responsibility and grown-ups
i'm no longer a kid, i'm telling myself over and over again bt i couldnt shake the desire of being spoiled and pampered =.='

well the earth turns and time flows
so i wont be able to stand still and ask for a pause rite
but
in a tiny dusty corner of my brain, eternal autumn comes and remains
as still and wholesome as the absolute solitude of an existence

jst being random

there is time when i desperately wanna be at the end of the world... just alone and detached to every single connection and responsibility
like a coward running away and hide in the comforting darkness of solitude
like nothing else ever matters

yeah
for no particular reason
i jst wanna throw a tantrum and acting spoiled wtf =.='
and bitch at any tiniest thing ever crosses my way haha

it's nt like it really matters if i actually did so
the insignificant and trivial of existence =.='

singapore is such a boring place i cant even think of any place to just melt into and vanish for the time being
well whatever i can just sleep away and waste my life and dissolve into nothingness
like any other beings out there





in the depths of boredom and self-pitying haha

so that's the end of the week

erhm jsut backfrm work =.='
it sounds rather depressing staying at home surfing Internet alone on fri nite bt i guess it's still much better than whoever has to OT =.='

the day almost passed with a monotonous note if my boss and his assistant didnt return to the office.
They were flying back from Indonesia and came to the office straight after that @_@
really, workahollic men :-ss

haha
bt somehow their almost 2hrs existence in the office really turns me to hopeless optimist LOL
i mean i was tediously doing my mundane work in super low morale state
when they returned
and pop! i turned back into inexplicable good mood =.='
i guess jsut the existence of Japanese and the language around cheeers me up that much!
=.='
haha

see, that is fixation and obsession T_T
nothing can cure me from this anymore ><

well well
next week they'll be gone the whole week thought T_____T
how will i survive w the utter boredome then? =.='
sigh
ganbatte~

and i'll reg for Japanese class :D
i'll do my best pple ~
anw jst realize that my salary wont be anough to cover all the things that i wanna buy rite now, including the new ipod nano version ><
ahhhhhh dareka katte kure yo ><

morning morning =.=

i watched this anime a while ago and it didnt leave much impression on me except for the similar art to Honey clover and the intriguing idea about Japanese current social problems

bt the theme song is cute haha
for some reason i feel that i'm too old for this kind of song but oh well whatever
hahaha

there's a way to another land where you'll be there forever, falling to the ground with your gravity ~~~~~~

it's replaying and replaying in my head =.='
my problem is still this fixation i always hold on once i set my mind on liking sth =.='
either it'll just fade away after a while or it just becomes another frightening obsession +_+


and my boss, pls come back asap so that i can get my salary T_T
sigh
cant believe it that i wrote my acc number wrongly @_@
and when i told my best fren so, she was like.... i was the same for my 1st salary 3:-o
LOL
well anw still in the super low morale state
i need money or sth to motivate me +_+
urghhhhhhh