listless as usual

nothing much for Christmas.
well i'm not Christian anw but i'd love it better if i can hang out w friends or simply stay in my bed reading my fav book and waiting for mom to call me for meals

well the thing is i dont like the place i'm staying here
so i kind of desperately need to go out anywhere every weekend...esp holidays +_+
esp the kinds of holidays and festival like this
or else i'll jst get homesick + irritation out of their insensitiveness =.=

and i failed to find someone accompanying me for today, which is of course upset me a lot but in a way, i can resolutely draw the line now hehe
it's all the more better like this :)

went to Changi just to find the feeling of fleeing somewhere far
and well the vast and empty terminal 3 sonehow is just right
not too crowded, not too happy and not too loud
it's just fine, quiet enough for me to read my book and lively enough to observe strangers and contemplating on my days

it feels nice to just blank your mind completely and let it float to some unapproachable sky haha

it calmed me down and somehow lessened my solitude

btw i'm reading Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy <3
it is just right for someone superficial as me haha


and i was assigned this task of re-designing my company's catalogue =.='
like wth rite o.O
well, i did have some ideas bt doing it is another altogether completely different matter =.='
well maybe i'll find back my passion for design haha

i seriously need to study Japanese =.=...it's deteriorating day by day T_T

sigh
somehow the thoughts of future's been hauting me these days
and the feeling of not beloging to anywhere's yet again circling my head
this kind of job leads me nowhere
it's jst seriously unstable and questionable... the aspect of being able to work for this company in Japan or even just remaining here for long

everytime i think about it, it only drowns my heart and kills my hope
what should i do...

and after these 3 years in Singapore i seriously have no idea where can i go +_+
will Japan be reacheable at that point of time ><

i hate my foolish naiveness which makes me simply believe everything
though pple often say it in a diplomatic manner than speak the truth of their thought =.=
and i cant recall how many times it upsets me this much discovering such +_+
still lessons are never learned +_+
urhgggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

nvm it's life and reality =.='

oh how i need Arashi and Ohchan XD
they never ever fail my expectation haha
well just let me be deceived by this fantasy alone will do

man that's how i dont like grown-ups

let's go to Never land and never grow up haha