oh my random day and beloved email ＼(o￣∇￣o)/

well i didnt finish anything AT ALL (from fangirl-ing to studying) as planned ytd T_T *___*
i was spending time thinking and writing email T_T ...just one email only *__* and after a hectic day of rushing from koto to movie to some stupid household maintaineance and chatting, i jst slept!!!
omg sleeping TOO MUCH! ^:)^
haha
or maybe it's the comfort i felt being able to talk w my mom and my sis eventhough i need to repeat again and again what i said coz of the bad reception T_T

or it's the joy receiving email from my host family? they are really so caring and they even listen to Arashi coz i love Arashi XD omg how sweet~ (they dont even care to know who is arashi before lol)
i've been thinking of writing to them since CNY bt thanks to my laziness T_T i still havent and they alr wrote to me <3
ahhhhhh i'm really blessed with meeting nice pple maybe <3
bt i'm sweet myself XD LOL whatever =.='
somehow i wanna send them some present T_T despite being broke LOL
if i'm able to send otousan sth snoopy haha LOL and okaasan maybe some book on yoga
ahh miss them ><
and Japan of course...soon sakura will bloom at spring comes ...
growing up in a tropical country makes me long for this kind of superficial (!!!) thing, like being able to feel the transition of the seasons, the fleeting beauty of each season and how each year comes and goes
...not like in a tropical country when all you ever know is eternal sunshine and heat and humidity T_T
well maybe it sounds perfect and exciting to some bt spare me T_T i got enough thanks

well on thinking of future plan, i think i should just carry out everything slowly ... find a decent career that i'd die for
continue Japanese w ALL MY MIGHT!!! T_T
then save up to go to grad school of Japanese studies one day
haha
well i wish i can inspire others the beauty (as well as the not-so-beauty) of Japan lol
things you're passionate abt :D
are u sure you're passionate abt it? really need to consider and reflect on it often haha... (i'm the type who get bored fast and get interest in things fast you see -___-')
the question is the patience to, the will to, the determination...maybe
hmmm... haha i dont even know what i intended to write in e beginning of the blog alr ^:)^ *__*

and i just re-watched probably the 10th time o.O my all time fav Spirited Away <3 ~ XXD LOL
omg i can guarantee you it comes to a point that i nearly memorize all the details alr but i still love it and feel touched deeply inside watching all my fav scenes XD
it's like a reunion with my old time friends... someone who eventhough you cant meet all the time now but they were alr parts of you haha
and Haku the dragon boy XD
and the romance btw them
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh pure and untained
it feels real but at the same time idealized to the max haha
well it's all still intact after all :D
my feelings for the anime...just like how i watched it the 1st time and feel touched deeply eventhough i didnt comprehend what the movie is abt at all (my 1st time watching, it was a pirated DVD that only has Chinese and Japanese and i had 0 knowledge of Japanese at that time =.= LOL) ...
so it make me somehow satisfied that i havent lost it ...the core of my existence isnt easy to change after all rite XXD

hehe well...stay true to your dream and your imagination XXXD


oh and arashi's new single is so kawaii XXD
the stop motion i love and Ohchan being bullied XD =p
and the songs encouraging as ever XXD

yay there's no time thinking! just do it do it with the sweetest you XD <3
ahhhhhhhhh i love you　Arashi
いつもすぐそばにあるよね～
誰も邪魔できないよね～　
すきです！大大大すきだよ～

ahhh i love you all my sweet family, friends, host family and Arashi and my fantasy world XXD :* :X :X :X LOL
should be back to the awaiting projectssssss *__*
i wont make it in time i think T_T




i think it'll be removed soon due to copyright bt i loveeeeeeeeeeee the song XXXD

are you ready 完璧なんてない
sweet sweet最大級のsoul
do it do it 単純なくらい
はじけろmoving now moving now ~

are you ready 災難だっても
sweet sweet そうlet's go no sign
do it do itすずしいくらい
前向けmoving now moving now ~~~

ahhhhhhhhhhh XXDDDD
i used to hate and ridicule all the English-mixed lyrics like this bt somehow i jst got used to it LOL listening to Japanese songs haha

@pix: serene and loved XXD Ohchan <3
（*＾＾）＾*） ☆Chu！！

...one more random thing
Japanese emoji XD
the one rite below is fishing xXXD Ohchan i give it to you LOL =.=
(*^_^;)_o/━━━━━━>ﾟ)))≫彡 ~ ~ ~

EXCITEMENT!!! XXXXXXXD

aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm so EXCITED!!! excited is an understatement XXXD
overwhelmed by the information inn the lecture
i should have chosen Japanese studies in the 1st place maybe haha XXXD

the lecture was on how Japanese government changes their policy to focus on animation industry recently instead of just video games
and which region to focus, which market to aim at may have sigificant implications behind
XXXD
it's jsut so inspiring, exciting and cool! on such boring topic but the lecturer's insights and analysis on all the datas, graphs, trends is just so amazingXXD

it's exactly like having Dr Tim's (my most fav lecturer in JS) lecture but on pop culture (my most fav topic) XXXD OMGGGGGGGGGGG

how she reads and see all the change in style and trend is just so smart XXXD of course she is a PhD anw bt PhD dont always give inspiring and exciting lecture you know XD

even the shift in content of Japanese anime (frm all the mecha type like Gundam, evangelion... to something more 'Japanese' spiritual like Bleach (shinigami), Naruto (ninja) XXXD indicates the focus of the trend to promote "japanese culture" rather than a "Japanese high-tech" of 1980s 1990s --> shift to cutural image

ahhhhhhhhhhhh
this is what and why i feel policy makers are really smart!!! necessary devils
haha

haha 3rd entry of the day LOL
i'm still very EXCITED!!!!
you really need to sit in the lecture to feel this andrenaline XXXD

so that's it

so much for excitement and anticipation
like bubbles
beautiful and dreamy
but fragile
and meant to break

so it burst
and there it goes my little dream
ahhhh feel like i can really cry a river ^:)^
even though it is predictable

... no problem dear, there're still chances T_T
=.='
頑張れ～

just float w the music and forget abt it

after reading too much copyright law +__+

「博士の愛した数式」

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0498505/

I watched the movie in my Japanese class XXD
it's a lovely story... i think it's adapted frm a best-seller in japan
anw there're lots of thoughts on the movie, which i have alr written down for my report in Japanese LOL =.=

things like
見えない真実は心で見られる
見えない世界が見える世界を支える

i love these lines XXD
haha
i love the prof's way of looking at numbers and finding the beauty, the relations between them XXD (well that's what i love to do all the time ...not w numbers though lol)
and it was so cute and admirable when you love sth so much to the point you can look at the world and explain it plainly by that thing... and even if you cant express yourself w words, you can find comfort and show your emotion through that one thing you're passionate abt XXD

...hmm somehow i found it very similar to how i can relate just abt anything to Ohchan and arashi +__+ [it sounds terribly wrong thou omg] haha
well, i couldnt care less XXXD

and i wanna watch Alice in the wonderland in 3D XXD
still rmb how i was so fascinated over the cartoon when i was small
the image of Alice lost in a forest of giant flowers and the rabbit and the cards queen XXD
still rmb i used to love that picture book my mom bought me so much
and how i always got lost in that dream land XD

i assume i'm just obsessed w fantasy since small then haha

on a random note, sometimes i'm lost in lies and truth
i'll take everything i see and observe as truth bt it's jst as deceiving as ever you see
well the only thing i can say abt it is the world is misleading and complicated
LOL
trying to be a smart ass lol 0.0

...anw i still have one more mid-term tmr T_T
and Japanese test was horribly difficult *__* mayb it's nt only me bt lots of my friends were assaulted by the paper T_T

i think probably the movie (above) and the return of my housemates calmed me down after lots of worries and frustration school 'blessed' me w =.=

sigh
and thinking of graduation got me all emo again =.=
i may nt look it bt since i get emotionally attached to things easily ... NUS is still a place to rmb n to emo over... for me haha
well it's only me though
weird as ever =.='




i cant get enough of this XXXD
Ohchan <3
ねねぇ、大チャンだけについていくよ
大チャンの姿が好きだもん～
大チャンのすべてが好きだけどハハ
かわいいからさ～　>D<
いつまでもずっと見守ってあげるよ～
<3

^:)^

hix
i dreamt of accidentally killing a horse
which happens to be my cousin's most favourite and loyal and wonderful pet
and that is the cousin that i love the most out of all the relatives @_@
Omg
=.='
what's that supposed to mean T_T
right before exam T_T
it was really horrible
when i realize that it's my fault when it dies in my dream
it's still so vivid now
nothing you can do to recouncile for such horrible mistake t_T
i couldnt look at my cousin annd utter any word
and i was so traumatized by the image of the pet itself @_@
omg
such a dream for the beginning of the week t_T

children ~ the world should be children-ized hahaha

http://www.tomiokoyamagallery.com/artists_en/nara_en/

his works is so kakkoii XXD
Nara Yoshimoto (奈良美智）
...at least for me!
brilliant　XD
reflects his view on children and how that view has changed over time
well thanks to Ohchan I've come to know more about him haha
He focused his works on depiction of children incorporated with his view on contemporary world and contemporary issues
hehe
i love children in the 1st place XXD
that's how his arts really attract me

then i love how his arts push the boundaries between high art and pop art
(if such defintion is valid in your view hehe)

and i love how his depiction of children change over time
a more gentle, dreamy and mystical looks XXD
can feel the andrenaline rising when looking at his arts haha


In some near future, I'll collect his books when i have money XXD
haha
and there's some common feature
he's not good expressing himself in words (conveniently think that it's similar to Ohchan and me LOL)
(and even his name's character has Ohchan's name's character LOL)

ところで、大ちゃん、最近の描いている絵を頑張ってね～
<3
i also want to learn drawing T_T

声

君の声を聞かせて～君の声だけ十分だよ～
大ちゃんの声はね、きれいで、心を癒させるよ

there's a time when i love this song lotsss
haha not that i dont like it now but it's just not as much as before
just feel like listening to it
haha

well... all i can think of listening to this song now is how Ohchan's voice can calm me down instantly LOL =.='

it's used to remind me of the anime before thou lol
even though i dont like the anime that much but the graphic is surely nice ~

@pix: my hp's wallpaper <3 LOL
kawaisugiru~ XXD

trying to be critically random =.='

have u ever cried watching suspense drama when sb sacrificing themselves for their partner? to protect others or to devote for their beliefs/ ideology?

i bet somehow the movie director know how to make us cry rite haha

well just a very random thought occured to me today while watching those kind of scences...

maybe i also long to experience that kind of feeling
maybe it's foolish to head on with all the ideology human constructed but maybe there's something else
something more meaningful than that
pple wont just throw their life away for sth foolish rite
somehow i wish to once experience that kind of feelings... leave behind anything and just charge forward to protect sth so dearest without any hestitation
... wonder i'm those kind of pple
i mean i'm chicken-hearted =.=...scared of pain, having no ideology and holding a saturated belief in the world and how it works...
so it'll be quite difficult for sb like me to hold firm belief in some ideology and sacrifice myself for it =.='
i may not have that kind of passion, devotion and bravery ...i thinkT_T

loser aint I =.=
hahaha

well it's not like i dont know that i'm being fed by the media w all those ideologies
i know very well that all of those dramas created for making pple having a positive way of looking at life, and unconciously follow all the ideologies that the media wants to impose on pple
still if it's for sth better, why not?
i mean if it's meant for promoting a more positive way of life, why dont let yourself critically absorbed it?

avoid what you dont like, criticize it, but take in what may help at the same time
what's wrong w that? even if it's all constructed by human will, if it may at any tiny bit help you to strive forward sth rather than living a useless life, then why not?

even if it makes you disgusted knowing how the media and the 'power' hand in hand use all sorts of dirty framing to maintain what they think is better for the nation, for the 'general good'
...in the end i guess the pple in power probably had some time in their youth thinking alike us, abt how corrupted the world is and came to conclusion that somehow it's inevitable and necessary or had been forced to use all the dirty methods for a 'general good' goal

...well is it really inevitable?
we cant live taking everything for granted but what's the point of living knowing how all of these work and still cant do anything abt it

i dont have the ambition to make ...a better world for human beings and stuff w such 'grand' and 'benevolent' purpose seriously

but it does make me frustrated from time to time choosing my own standing

in the end, can anything change at all =.='

hahaha

you can laugh at all these rambling childish thoughts
but rmb children do have a whole diff point of views which may question lots of things you've been taking for granted

well in the end, just dont judge pple coz they appear and act childish =.=
it takes all the curiosity, efforts and contemplation to make question and think childlike haha

... well i think today i just feel like bitching and being all conceited as if i know everything =.='

whatever
frustration from too much sleep and no work done maybe hahah
i'm still such a kid =.='

so just head on, go ahead baby XXXD haha
Oh-chan would've chosen to head on without thinking too haha <3

P.S.: oh forgot to say that i dont like men thinking that women shouldnt think too much and be too ambitious as women's place is family after all...
i dont deny that women should take care of the family and children but it doesnt mean that's their sole purpose and work in life =.=
and it doesnt mean that those domestic work can only be fulfilled by women

stop being so narrow-minded and selfish, men
haha i feel like i'm participating in some feminist movement LOL
well i'm not but pls just dont think that women = domestic housewives =.=

happy Lunar new year and lotsssssss of random thoughts @_@ ahha

well today is 1st of Lunar new year hehe
so better write sth brightful :D
Anw, Happy NEw Year to everyone ~~~ :X :*

btw i ran ...or rather jogged T_T last nite on New Year's Eve LOL
it's probably abt the most ridiculous thing ever you can think of out of anything to do on NY's Eve =.='
well it's just the spontaneous me haha
basically i have the idea of running after reading "WHat i talk abt when i talk abt running" by Murakami.
It may not sound very attracting, the title... but it's really intriguing to know how he links his marathon to his writing and stuff
i love his style haha =.=

back to my sstory... i only managed to run a short distance and still felt damn tired LOL ...loser T_T
i'm never athletic to begin with
but as running to resolute myself on my wishes for this year... it feels like achieving sth after i finished running haha

still feel very lousy that i couldnt run more than that but somehow it energizes me so much ... the thought that i might able to carry out any ideas of mine haha

well motivation and passion is all that matters XD
after completing my short distant run (or jog T_T) suddenly i thought of how i had spent my 1st year here in SIngapore.. how dark and depressing i used to be coz of it =.=' LOL

thanks to my beloved Arashi XD and maybe the inspiration i get from class(!) haha, i feel very positive now ... in one way or another LOL
maybe i'm just optimistic to begin w =p
cant rmb exactly what i was thinking ard that time, my 1st yr (and yahoo blog is down =.=, so i cant recall anything T_T) --> this is how blog, and photos are important to me as i have a very unreliable memory T_T
haha (well it's jsut like Ohchan XXXD) lol

you may not think like this but after some years, when you look back at those photos, then you can realized how much have you been through and what kind of memories you hold abt it
it's just ...fantastic
like walking through a secret path of your life... absorbing the happiness as well as bitterness of each and everything
so dont hestitate to take photos, or note down or store whatever you can
memories are parts of you anw <3


-------------------

sigh
on a darker note =.=

sometimes human beings are truly scary
most of the times, i couldnt care less abt these kinds of thoughts as it's just a fact, so why bother?
but it strikes you hard when you realize that any tiny bits of your action could just be scrutinized under a magnified lense and being framed w all kind of stories possible @_@ ...and by any random pple that cant even recognize you when you change your style T_T

maybe i'm surrounding by my frens and family's sweetness most of the time to be aware that theses kinds of things still happen just as natural as breathing =.=

in the end it's human rite
human who makes thing spendidly wondeful and human who cruelly destroy just as about everything =.=

i still couldnt care less as there are of course pple who are too free to do these kinds of things =.='

well just let it be
you are who you are, not who pple think you are anw
so just believe in what you feel, what you truly experience ok haha

still i wanna believe in human general goodness =.='
hahaa

--------------------

lastly i wanna note down abt the latest movie i just saw ytd "The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus" (not sure if i get the correct spelling =.=') hahah

but i was expecting sth else
well it's nice anw
to see how they build up a world of imagination...your ideal fantasy coming true
wonderful isnt it?
BUT
as it's fantasy
it just cant never come true you know
reality is still there
and however happy the fantasy world is..it's still just imagination
it's not real experience, not real feelings, not real life

even if it might be momentarily heaven, but it cant stay like that for ever =.='

...well i just tried to read the movies through my understanding ><
and maybe a bit of criticism on commodities and commercial culture =.='

i cant say i didnt enjoy it
but at the same time it hurts to see the re-assertion that fantasy and imagination is not real
never can it be!
let your imagination nurture, live and fly
but dont indulge in it
dont take it as standard for everything or replace reality with it
coz it just wont bring you anything true ...in the end
or even worse, destroy you from within ><

well it just lets me down a bit since i was expecting to immerse in a world of fantasy =.='
haha

well at least giving you some food for thought :)

somehow i just have this vague feelings that just abt anything and everything i chose to do, it does have effect on certain aspect of me and my future =.='...
nonsense isnt it LOL

well it may or may not

anw.. i think it's too long of an entry T_T
so should end here =.=

if you ask me once again, i still choose to be Arts n Social Sciences students over others haha... may be =.='
i enjoy it so much and it inspires and empowers me to think this much....
though thinking might just be of no help at all =.='
but it will definitely keep me from scrutinizing other ppl's business LOL =.='


HAPPY NEW YEAR EVRYONE ~
*emiting peaceful and friendly vibes*
LOL
<3




Are you ready?完璧なんてない　
Sweet sweet 最大球のsoul ~
Do it do it 単純なくらい
はじけろmoving now moving now XXD ~

--> Are you ready? there's nothing like perfection
Sweet sweet with the best of your soul
Do it do it just very simply
Burt out　moving now moving now XXD ~~~

--> THAT'S THE SPIRIT RITE XXD
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i love my Arashi <333

oh i love Peanuts~ unrelated to watever the entry is LOL

this is what i got from some love fortune quiz LOL

"Bạn là mẫu người của sự nghiệp và những giấc mơ nhiều hơn là mẫu người của tình yêu, thật đấy. Bạn rất nhiều hoài bão và chúng quan trọng đến mức bạn làm bất kỳ điều gì. Tuy nhiên, không phải vì thế mà bạn coi nhẹ tình yêu. Đối với bạn, tình yêu rất quý giá, nhưng bạn h...ơi khó tìm được một người mà bạn coi là “hoàn hảo”. Đó là vì với những mối quan hệ và công việc rộng rãi, bạn ít khi hoàn toàn tin tưởng một người, và đây có thể coi là một nhược điểm nhỏ của bạn. Kể cả bạn bè cũng vậy, bạn bè rất quan trọng với bạn, nhưng bạn không kể “tất tần tật” chuyện gì cho mọi người nghe bao giờ. Điểm mà mọi người khâm phục nhất ở bạn là bạn suy nghĩ tốt, nhìn được cả ưu điểm và khuyết điểm của vấn đề. Quan tâm chính của bạn về tình yêu là hai người thật sự quan tâm nhau, thế là đủ, đúng không?"

--> basically it says I have too many dreams and ambition to fufill, love wont be the priority. Phrasing better, it's just difficult to find someone "perfectly" suits me LOL. It's all coz I dont trust pple easily and even with friends, I wont be sharing everything. But my good point is I can see things frm different aspects like 2 sides of a coin...

haha i find it amusing
i love doing these ridiculous quiz coz it's fun
but in one way or another, it's like seeking the re-inforcement of who I am and how i'm going to live my life haha... dont you think so? like you told yourself to believe this is how you're supposed to be unconsciously =.=

it might be the case after all

well anything
I dont mind chasing my dreams though, or seriously speaking I wont be able to live as myself without sth to be passionate/ exciting about

so let's be on the move
challenge yourself till life dries out your final drop of imagination
then i'll be able to calm down
hahahaa

and I still have Ohchan as my ideal anw
LOL


足りない君が足りない私の中に
離れない離れないあの笑顔
嘘みたい夢見たい君の存在
会いたい君に会いたい

It's not enough i cant get enough of you, inside of me
Cant let go, I can't let it go, that smile of your
Like a lie, like a dream, your existence to me
Miss you, i wanna meet you ~

--> that's how Ohchan is to me <3



and i'm addicted to the melody <3

coz I'd rather adore a projected image of someone 'ideal' to me than taste all the bitter disappointment of a defect human being =.='

i can tolerate imperfection well but most of the time, before i realize it, i alr lost the willing to uncover the better side of somebody =.='

that's a problem when you become observant T_T
well never ending story ~

so conclusion, i'm better off fangirl-ing over my Ohchan =.=' LOL

sometimes it comes down to the question of me ...do i care enough to notice pple's consideration and gentleness in the 1 st place

hohoh somehow it sounds like some controversial debate of social sciences LOL

well that's life and you're supposed to go explore and comprehend it for your own good :D

P.S.: just realize today is 12th
somehow i tend to think abt weird stuff on the 12th LOL
12 is the nicest number XXD

できたできた！！！

haha i'm done uploading the koto piece that i really really really love <3>< (i suck T_T) anw, pls enjoy it

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=298634691143&ref=mf


http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=298702826143&ref=mf

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=298765701143&ref=mf

music + book = swinging ur mood like violin strings

when you wanna write just write ...
reading "hard-boiled egg wonderland and the end of the world" thou not supposed to
anw it miraculously turns on my world of imagination ...
dreamers wont get to anywhere will they





and it goes on with the melodies~
my once upon a time


me and the wonderland haha

and i stilll believe that there's subtle connection in everything and anything
there's no coincidence, they're all inevitable
look closely and listen to decode
oh how i love fantasy and digging up the depths of images haha

Tet is coming

it'll be the 4th yr i wont be at home for Tet
not that i'd been spending Tet properly and prosperously here in Singapore =.=' (it's just that air tix is more ex in Tet and i dont wanna skip certain class =.=')

well it's not abt not being able to go home that makes me emo all a sudden at the thought of Tet
somehow i learn to get used to it anw

moreover i dont really 'feel' Tet here in Singapore in the 1st place though there's still CNY
probably coz there's no house-cleaning, new clothes or preparation for Tet the way my family always do in VN
the feeling is not there, so there aint anything to expect

just that these last few years, it wasnt only me who had to stay... and this yr it'll be only me who wont go back
and then there's work to do for projects and tests =.=' which adds all the more reason to be emo -.-'

well as there wont be anything i can help abt it ...maybe just spend Tet my way then =.='
fangirling over Arashi maybe ahah
and making fanvideo XD
and hopefully have some time to read "Hard-boiled egg wonderland and the end of the world"
then contemplating abt the self in relation to the world LOL =.='
that's the plan =.='
for now
or maybe just wandering somewhere and try to better my photography skills =.='

plenty things to do on your own rite
at least at this thing i'm kind of similar to Ohchan haha

awww my fav dish is running out on me soon T_T
....cant eat it anw since it makes my ear bleeding all over again



@pix: before 2010 yr of tiger ha ha ha

phu` phie^'m =.= whatever

i cant get it out of my head XD
Kaela's music is just madly cute with a bit of mischief and rebellion? (maybe lol) <3 haha
somehow for female singers, no female celebrities to be exact, my preference would be those who are deviously cute haha
like Kotana Izumi (thou she's just an anime character in Lucky star but she's just so adorable with her mischievous sarcasm XD) or like chibi Maruko chan (another anime character =.=') haha or Aoi Yuu (not exactly mischievous but she has the feel of someone who'll dare to break social norms like appearing in the crowd wearing colorful strange clothes lol)...maybe it's all my projected image =.='
nonetheless Kaela is cute and i love her funky style hehe
... oh yeah and they all exude the image of someone independent and a bit unconvention and cool hehe

...accidentally went across one of my old assignment during my 1st yr
rmb i was still very passionate abt CNM at that time... like that's it what i've been looking for.... that kind of feeling =.='

shit wonder if just 2 more yrs and i'll be thinking the same abt Japanese studies T_T
hopefully not T_T
maybe i've become a tiny bit more mature T_T
sigh

and now i'm supposed to apply for Uniqlo... which means 2 essays abt why Uniqlo and my recent achievement =.='
achievement?! o.O
if seriously think abt it i dont think i have one T_T ><
howwwwwwwww...
hmmm maybe those videos for the NM3208? =.='
at least i can ramble on my time spending to learn AE T_T
sigh

and i know this is a fact that nobody can comment on but [i think i've become more and more superficial day by day =.='...
(and due to such fact... somehow "superficial" or "phu` phie^'m" in VNese is associated with a nicer connotation ...for me @_@)
well if better phrasing, it can be " strive towards beauty" ...rite =.=' (feeling myself becoming speechless at my own thought =.=' .....)
whatever T_T
[vividly rmb how Howl in Howl's moving castle in the sky said there's no point living if u're nt beautiful LOL!!!] ...i'm nt to such extreme (thankfully =.=')
still lots of time has been spent on coloring nails (!!!) =.='
T_T
let's me generalize that it's just how a girl is =.=' !!!

literally give up on my "phu` phie^'m =.=']

ok get back to work...
tmr my housemates will be leaving for Tet T_T
and i'll be home alone T_T
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

@pix: my ass in 1st yr...
such long time ago T_T



。。。note for myself: dont jump to conclusion and stop assuming things ...
procrastinating is really bad T_T
and i'll be home alond starting frm thu
sighhhhhhhhhhhh

....it's nt the 1st time pple ask me why do i love Japan so much =.=
i cant just explain it simply =.=' and somehow it sounds very awkward explaining why you're crazy n obssessed abt sth =.='
and yeah it's jst my nature to just not be able to ignore whatever i love ...
sigh

weekend summary and random contemplation =.='

going to bed ard 10 to 11
waking generally 4hrs ~5hrs after that
it's how i spend my days =.=
dunno it's healthier than sleeping late or not haha but well it works for now haha

koto practice starts again XXD
now is 春の日
well as usual i'm the slowest and always fails at playing the piece ><
... but i enjoy playing it and enjoy meeting the pple in the club
isnt that all that matters?
i mean guys often aim to master sth they do rather than enjoying it.... or maybe it's just my generalization haha
although it's ll be great if you can master sth you like
but if you dont have the talent for it ...what to do? giving up? >< noooo that's too wasted
i mean arts is a concept that moves and evolves over time rite? nowadays it depends on pple's take on what arts is also....so maybe...just hypothetically speaking but maybe one beautiful day, whatever you do becomes arts and recognized by pple? LOL

well i dont think of such amazing thing to enjoy doing "my arts" but why dont just do what we want? life is so short so dont limit yourself in the constraint of social norms... it's all human-made anw hahah

but at least we should have the motivation to strieve for sth better rite haha...

anw i forgot what i wanted to write about in this entry in the beginning =.='
a wandering and forgetful mind =.='

ok abt things i found intriguing or irritating lately...
like how sb can be so inconsiderate to ask a stranger is it becoz such and such that you're still not attached!!!
i mean it's really inappropriate to talk abt such private matters when you dont know each others =.=' in any context, esp to Asian!!!
the whole conversation is really "..." for me =.='
speechless haha

hmmm i dont like inconsiderate pple
i dont appreciate pple who go on bragging abt themselves also =.=' or just showing off that they're somehow superior.... =.='
even if they have the rights to (as in if they're really talented)...well-educated pple should know just only when they really need to show it

if one's "self" is too big, there's no way they'll try to reconcile w others
i mean they wont learn to accept that others are different eventhough others' values might as well be just as great as the ones one holds

and since there's no intention to accept the difference, they wont be willing to work/ cooperate w others which in the end reduces their chance to look at the world at another point of view

... and for me pple dont live their life alone
everyone lives their own life but they do need the factor "others" to exist =.='
so for me consideration is important
my point is i think i'll try my best to listen to others and place myself in their position to understand why they do such and such ... most of the time i still dont get why they did what they did LOL but at least i came to know there're other ways at looking at such thing haha

the problem with my way is sometimes after listening to pple, i cant chose my stand/ take on such problem
and it's very very troublesome when you need to write papers on controversial issues (e.g. war) =.='
coz i cant really chose my stand seeing that both are not wrong in one way or another ...

..... hmmm seems like i start jumping to other matters again T_T
ok whatever... the point is to try to listen to what others have to say -.-'
...i should stop now anw

too much rambling for a beginning of the week haha

btw i'm stuck with her music... nice back-ground music ~
but i like her style <3 ~ cute in a funky and mischievous way lol\

day....and dayssssssssssssssss

ho* ho* it's been a long day starting w a hectic morning rushing to prepare for resume for careeer fair.... in the end not use a single one T_T

since the start of this week i've been spending days with less than 4hrs of sleep T_T
which doesnt really mean anything except for shoulder pain (why i dunno) and panda eyes =.='

though sleeping is pervasively useless for me ...but in consideration for health, aging and beauty... i set the standard at 6hrs/day =.='

the very main reason going to career fair is because Uniqlo and Koei, the 2 Japanese corporate i'm interested in also come there
but in the end nothing gains T_T
well even now sitting here contemplating on choices i may have, i may not get recruited for the position in the 1st place =.='
chez such cliche thing to do =.='...

and today Japanese pop culture lecture is really cool
about Japanese fashion and the concept behind....
i'm still very in love with creating things and always overwhelmingly touched by those amazing creative work... (the superficial side of me)...
yet somehow i come to think what all of these academically critical thinking i've been learning will become of when i actually start working in a non-academic-related career....

wouldnt it be a waste?
thinking about teaching...it may turn out to be good if you can inspire students....like those lecturers stipulated my curiosity
but at least need to go to grad school and become a geek in order to teach in uni rite LOL
.... well the thing is i dont have the privilege to since i'm nt academically good enough to get a scholarship and not financially strong enough to go on my own ...

if i work to earn money, then i'll definitely lose interest in teaching by the time i gather enough money to go to grad school =.=' i think
not to mention how old i will be at that time =.='
i dont mind staying single for the rest of my life...but i want a mama-boy son (for whatever ridiculous reason it may be) o.O

how come all of my thoughts somehow contradict each other ><
sigh.

... back to the all-time favourite question....how t_T

make up your mind you dreamer!
urghhhhh frustrated rite T_T

maybe just head on n see what life will have in store for you then... ><
...
rmb... not to regret at any choice you've made!!!!

this piece is really beatiful <3~
it's like descending the depth of my soul....when i listen to it =.=' (does my soul really have any depth to begin w @_@ lol)
well or at least listening to the call of my fantasy world
sigh



p.s. Ohchan miss you lots T_T

on pple born under saggitarius =.='

Traditional
Sagittarius Traits


Optimistic and freedom-loving
Jovial and good-humored
Honest and straightforward
Intellectual and philosophical


On the dark side....

Blindly optimistic and careless
Irresponsible and superficial
Tactless and restless

----> hmmm..... this is so true >< LOL





Sagittarius About Your Sign...

Sagittarians have a positive outlook on life, are full of enterprise, energy, versatility, adventurousness and eagerness to extend experience beyond the physically familiar. They enjoy travelling and exploration, the more so because their minds are constantly open to new dimensions of thought. They are basically ambitious and optimistic, and continue to be so even when their hopes are dashed. Their strongly idealistic natures can also suffer many disappointments without being affected. They are honorable, honest, trustworthy, truthful, generous and sincere, with a passion for justice. They are usually on the side of the underdog in society they will fight for any cause they believe to be just, and are prepared to be rebellious. They balance loyalty with independence.

Sagittarians are usually modest and are often religious, with a strong sense of morality, though they tend to overemphasize the ethical codes they follow and worship beliefs about God rather than God Himself. This means that, negatively, they regard rigid, unloving, intolerant adherence to ritual and conventional codes as more important than the truths they symbolize or embody. They sometimes pay lip service to religions and political parties in which they have ceased to believe because the outward forms satisfy them, yet they may not hesitate to switch allegiance in politics or change their system of belief if they see personal advantage to themselves in doing so.

They have both profound and widely ranging minds, equipped with foresight and good judgement, and they can be witty conversationalists. They love to initiate new projects (they make excellent researchers) and have an urge to understand conceptions that are new to them. they think rapidly, are intuitive and often original, but are better at adapting than inventing and are at their best when working with colleagues of other types of character that compliment their own. They are strong-willed and good at organizing, a combination that gives them the ability to bring any project they undertake to a successful conclusion. Their generosity can be balanced by their extreme care at handling their resources.

Sagittarians are ardent, sincere and straightforward in love, normally conventional and in control of their sexual natures. Yet if thwarted, they may easily allow their failure to embitter their whole lives or they may revenge themselves upon the opposite sex by becoming cynically promiscuous. They are more apt then the average to make an uncongenial alliance.
If their marriages are successful, they will be faithful spouses and indulgent parents; but their innate restlessness will inspire them to use even the most satisfying ménage as a base from which to set out on their travels. They need to fell free and are often faced with the choice of allowing their careers to take over their lives at the expense of the love of their spouse and family. Sagittarian women are the counterparts of their men; even if they have no career to rival their love, they find it difficult to express affection and may run the risk of being thought frigid.

In other personal relationships they are reliable, seldom betraying any trust given to them. They can, however, be impulsively angry and both male and female Sagittarians know how to be outspoken and exactly what expressions will hurt their adversaries most. On the other hand they are magnanimous in forgiving offenses and are responsible when looking after the elderly in the family.

Their gifts fit Sagittarians for a number of widely differing professions. They are natural teachers and philosophers with a talent for expounding the moral principles and laws which seem to explain the universe. This gift enables them to be successful churchmen on the one hand and scientists on the other. The law and politics also suit them, as does public service, social administration, public relations and advertising. Travel and exploration naturally appeal to such restless souls and, if their opportunities are limited, they may find something of travel and change of scene in the armed forces or through working as a travelling salesman. Others may make fine musicians and, in the days before automobiles, they were said to be successful at horse trading
and all activities, including sporting ones, concerning horses. This has been translated in modern terms into an interest in cars and aircraft - and again with emphasis on the sporting side racing, rallying etc. They are said to make good sports coaches, but their tastes in this direction may lead them into imprudent gambling, though the gambling instinct may be sublimated by carrying it out professionally as a bookmaker.

The vices to which Sagittarians are prone are anger they tend to flare up over trifles; impatience - they want to rush every new project through immediately and demand too much of colleagues who cannot work at the pace they require; and scorn of the inadequacies of others while expecting fulsome recognition of their own efforts. They may in one sense deserve recognition, because in completing a major project they will sacrifice their health and family relationships; in their family's eyes they may merit condemnation.

They can be exacting, domineering and inconsiderate in the work place; and boastful, vulgar and extravagant in their private lives. Their restlessness, if excessive, can jeopardize more than their own stability. some Sagittarians risk becoming playboys, wasting their lives away in frivolous pursuits. Others can develop a moralizing, religious fanaticism or else turn into hypocrites, their inner prudishness disguised by an outward appearance of joviality. Another side of the religiosity which is a danger in Sagittarians is superstition.
Possible Health Concerns...

Sagittarius governs the hips, thighs and sacral area; subjects suffer from ailments of the hips and thighs and are liable to sciatica and rheumatism. An alleged deficiency of silicon in their physiques can give them poor skin, nails and hair.

As they are often sportsmen indulging in dangerous pursuits, they are prone to accidents which arise from these. The ancient astrologers mention falls from horses and hurts from them and other four-footed beasts. The taking of risks in other sports is a danger to the modern Sagittarian, and he is also liable to accidents with fire and heat.

horoscopes

* LIKES Traveling
* getting to the heart of the matter
* Freedom
* Laws and meanings
* the general 'feel' of things

* DISLIKES Off the wall theories
* being tied down domestically
* Being constrained
* cooling your heels
* bothered with details

on horoscope =.=' since the year of tiger is approaching

THE TIGER

Tigers are rebels. They are both colorful and unpredictable. Their energy and love of life are stimulating.They love being the center of attention and never go unnoticed. Tigers are impatient and always look for action.They speak their minds when upset and have suspicious natures.

But in spite of their quick tempers, they are sincere, generous and very affectionate *('o`)b. They also possess a great sense of humor. Tigers like people, involvement,and dedication to humanitarian causes. They seek out adventures, and at certain points in their lives, they will be very rebellious. They must act out some of their ideals and lash out at the wrongs of society. Tigers are so daring that they acquire many admirers. Those who disapprove of what Tigers do still will secretly admire Tigers for their actions. --> hmmm if only it's true LOL

When Tigers are injured they need all-out sympathy. Logic does not appeal to them. They want to be comforted. They will listen sincerely to the advice you give, and then do exactly as they please. Since they have a lot of spunk, no matter how down and out they get,they never give up. They can always start over again. --> maybe it explains my foolishness haha

People born during the year of the Tiger have super egos. Tread lightly and don't hurt their feelings. They may never forgive you! Tigers are romantic, passionate, and playful. (LOL) They are also extremely jealous and possessive. If they do not learn to control their emotions, they could cause themselves much trouble.The lives of Tigers are full of emotional situations, but they love it that way. They love life and want to live it to the fullest.

Optimistic, Tigers always bounce back for new and fresh challenges. Tigers are very generous with rewards when you have pleased them. Being delightful hosts, Tigers go all-out to see that you have a good time. They are intense individuals, especially when upset and angry, but Tigers are famous for their ability in influencing others and swaying crowds.


---------------------------------------



The Tiger is said to be lucky vivid, lively and engaging. Another attribute of the Tiger is his incredible bravery, evidenced in his willingness to engage in battle or his undying courage. Maybe he’s so brave because he is so lucky. But the Chinese say a Tiger having a Tiger in the house is the very best protection against the evils of fire, burglary.

Years of the Tiger

Tiger Years are third in the cycle and recur every twelfth year. The Chinese New Year does not fall on a specific date, so it is essential to check the calendar to find the exact date on which each Tiger year actually begins.

THE SIGN OF THE TIGER

Tigers do not find worth in power or money. (hopefully ><) They will be completely honest about how they feel and expect the same of you. On the other hand, they seek approval from peers and family. Generally, because of their charming personalities Tigers are well liked. Often, failing at a given task or being unproductive in his personal or professional life can cause a Tiger to experience a depression --> ....=.='
. Criticism from loved ones can also generate this type of Tiger reaction. Still, like all felines, Tigers always land on their feet, ready for their next act in life, pursuing it with unyielding energy and hunting it infallibly.



Tigers are also incorrigibly competitive - they simply cannot pass up a challenge, especially when honor is at stake, or they are protecting those they love. Tigers are unpredictable and it would be unwise to underestimate their reactions. They may appear cool, but they have the Big Cat's instincts to pounce at a moment's warning. Natural leaders, they have a strong sense of their own dignity, and if they find themselves in the ranks, they can be stubborn and obstinate. In positions of power they can be difficult though stimulating bosses. Tigers are intelligent, alert, and farsighted. They have their fingers on the pulse. Good strategists and tacticians, they often have a hidden agenda. As long as they do not risk their luck too often, and keep their restless nature under control, their tactics usually pay off in life.

---> wish i can be like that T_T


THE FIRE TIGER 1926 AND 1986

Eccentric and dramatic, (man, this is so true T_T) Fire Tigers are aglow with passion and verve. They are outgoing, expressive and look on the bright side of things. They have the Tiger’s natural ability to lead others and are able to excite others simply with their own gift of enthusiasm. They can be funny and have great senses of humor. Tigers are powerful speakers and have the ability to command and persuade crowds through speech. Their own seemingly endless supply of energy can make them appear a bit dramatic, and it may make them more sensitive to cautious or down-to-earth approaches in others.

THE TIGER LOVE PARTNER

Tigers love excitement and need someone who can keep up with all they want to do and see. His partner must also be able to stand the mood swings, the ups and downs, the good with the bad. Chinese horoscopes are very specific about which partnerships have the potential to be successful in love and in business. Yet, though destiny can point us ion the right direction, we must still make all efforts to maintain loving relationships. Following is a brief description of how a Tiger will affect a relationship with other Animal signs.

SAGITTARIAN TIGER

These Tigers have a great appetite for life and thrust themselves into everyday of their lives. They are mostly extroverts who enjoy being out and about in strange places. They also like to be spontaneous and often jump to conclusions before weighing the consequences.

-----> that's why i'm just over-optimistic most of the time and extremely hyper 80% of the day o.O LOL


well according to horoscope...tperfect partner should be hourse or dog =.='
so far ....dont know anyone born under hourse or dog year =.=' (except for otousan ><) sighhhhhhhhh

i'll be single till the end of time t_T lol

@pix: is it cute XXD i drew it for my host family hehe <3 ~

海の沿いにいたいなぁ。。。

there're days when things are just off...
and somehow everything just piles up your frustration
to some point where it seems to touch the surface of limits
...breaks free
temper? anger? frustration? a desire to destroy something
anything
anyone
yourself includes

burying in loud music, the temptation to sleep away all the weariness arises
but it just wont end
that easily
thought alr used to this quietness
.....
watched some movie adapted from Murakami Haruki's Tony Takitani in the span of 45mins in class
eventhough in just a short time but it managed to capture one's attention of the stillness of space, the quietness of pple's thoughts, the mounting unbearable tranquility that intertwined with loneliness

uneventful, slow, still, concentrated, suffocated

or at least that's how one can look at it

sounds' existence seems to come to a halt
voice turns whisper
thoughts vanished into air
quietness remains
empty and cold as ever
even the color carries the cold temparature

well, whatever
maybe it's the movie and the inefficience of the day pulls one down to the bottom of selfishness

wishing to be spoiled again by the ultimate shelter mom

夢のため食うため生きるため
愛する人の傍にいるため
眩しい西日が傾いてきて
切ない想いが胸を占める
愛された分まで強くなれ
言い聞かせながら旅は続く

大丈夫だよ！もうなれたんじゃん