wing of words - what's the meaning of it ?

it's been on my mind for quite a whilet
what lies between a human and a human?
space, relationship, hatred, love, respect, comfort, support, trust, admiration... and countless unamed feelings and unspoken words
or something much greater yet much simpler
just as light as a mere existence or as huge as a co-existence

why do i even think of this question in the 1st place
...the overflowing unspoken words and unamed feelings that i'm too familiar with?

coz i want to believe that words is just the pretty colorful sugar coat human used to disguise their feelings after all
coz there are many things that speak more than words
but it seems that words are perhaps the tiny beginning...perhaps the stipulating factor to draw one's attention
nothing would start when words left unspoken
maybe
since human is too complicated of a being
compress themselves in their bounded space and society with nameless norms and rules
to the point the will unveil others' or even their own thoughts is forgotten or simply ignored...
words may be the tiny clue to approach these untouched realm of another being ...

and yet i've left too many unspoken words floating around and it is not easy for one to embrace the meaning of some formless feelings without a single clue
unless there is effort
but the fact that human is too busy to make effort to read the wordless cue is the hurtful reality
words
after all i do need to master the skill of words then
without words nothing starts and nothing ends
it's too pitiful!
at least form it
say it properly
step by step

at least to the important people around you
from now on

--------------------------------------
and it's been sometime since i tasted this feeling
bitter and greyish
grey, not blue you see
no problem i believe somehow things will resolve
since i'm trying my best
since my parents are on my side
since i need to and have to grow up fully
since otousan and okaasan are cheering on me

ganbatte!
donna tsurai koto demo, isshoukenmei ganbareba, umaku naru yo
kitto




Dear my friend
by Arashi

入り口も無いのに　出口を探していたのは青い空　Oh yeah
見上げたら　二つの雲が重なってはまた離れてくAll right

本当は誰もが知ってるはずさ　ひとりきりの不安を
白い靴はもう汚れているけど
この先どんな未来にたどり着くのだろう

踏み出す一歩が　かけがえのないものに変わる
つまずいたって(いつだって)駆け出したくて(今だって)立ち上がれるんだよ
普通の景色がいとおしくなるほど眩しくて
この先ずっと(照れくさくて)変わらずもっと(信じたくて)
伝えたい　Dear My Friend

道の無い道を歩いてゆくのさ　だって明日が来るOh yeah
悔しさの涙も虹に変わるよ　いつか雨は止むAll right

本当の意味なら消えないはずさ　この地球(ほし)に生まれて
巡る季節はまた過ぎてくから
この先何年経ったって忘れない今を

つながってるなら　たぐり寄せることがあれば
思い返して(誰だって)笑い飛ばして(そうやって)上を向けるんだよ
旅路にバッグはない　留まらないまま行くから
言葉じゃなくて(ただちょっと)ふざけ合って(今そっと)
伝えたい　Dear My Friend

踏み出す一歩が　かけがえのないものに変わる
つまずいたって(いつだって)駆け出したくて(今だって)立ち上がれるんだよ
普通の景色がいとおしくなるほど眩しくて
この先ずっと(照れくさくて)変わらずもっと(信じたくて)
伝えたい　Dear My Friend

伝えたい　Dear My Friend

伝えたい　Dear My Friend

Though there's no entrance, the thing that I search for an exit from is the blue sky, oh yeah
When I look up, two clouds overlap, and move apart again, all right

The truth is that everyone should know the uneasiness of being alone
My white shoes have already gotten dirty, but
Up ahead, what sort of future will I arrive in?

A single step forward turns into something irreplaceable
Stumbling (always), breaking into a run (right now), I can stand up
The everyday scenery is so radiant, that I've grown to love it
What's up ahead will be forever (awkward) unchanging, and I want to (believe in it more)
Tell me, dear my friend

I walk down a road that isn't a road, so tomorrow will come, oh yeah
Tears of regret will change into a rainbow, and some day the rain will stop, all right

If the meaning is true, then it shouldn't disappear; we're born on this planet
So the changing seasons pass by
No matter how many years pass, I won't forget this moment

We're connected, if we pull close to each other
Changing our minds (everyone does), laughing (like that), I can look upward
I have no bag for this journey, because I go on without stopping
There are no words for it (just a little bit), fooling around together (now, quietly)
Tell me, dear my friend

A single step forward turns into something irreplaceable
Stumbling (always), breaking into a run (right now), I can stand up
The everyday scenery is so radiant, that I've grown to love it
What's up ahead will be forever (awkward) unchanging, and I want to (believe in it more)
Tell me, dear my friend

Tell me, dear my friend

Tell me, dear my friend

...

watching honey n clover
suddenly i realize that i havent been treasuring my precious thing asa i thought
stupid rite

maa

hmmmmmm it's just that i'm kind of feeling lost once in a while in this craze of job searching =.='
it'll be ok if i have money to withstand myself for a few months but the thing is i dont have money to sustain my horrible spending habits =.=
on top of that, many happenings right now kind of confuse me
and the new accomodation also worries me =.=
i dunno if the house owner will be to my liking =.=
and the situation may get worse
and job searching is damn tiring =.=
sometimes i lose the will to do anything @_@ at all -.-
and it's damn frustrating being that way
it makes me feel worthless and pathetic and discouraged

haiz
nvm i just need to look out for more
Ohchan dou shou?
chotto mayotteirun dakedo
maa tonikaku ganbatteimasu >__<

Y.M.

They think danger means something physical, getting scratched and a little blood running and the newspaper making a big fuss. Well, that hasnt got anything to do with it. Real danger is nothing more than just living. Of course, living is merely the chaos of existence, but more than that it's a crazy mixed-up business of dismantling existence instant by instant to the point where the original chaos is restored, and taking strength from the uncertainty and the fear that chaos brings to recreate existence instant by instant. You wont find another job as dangerous as that. There isnt any fear in existence itself, or any uncertainty, but living creates it. And society is basically meaningless, a Roman mixed bath. And school, school is just society in miniature: that's why we're always being ordered around A bunch of blind men tell us what to do, tear our unlimited ability to shreds.

'But how about the sea' Noboru persisted. 'How about a ship? Last night I'm sure I caught the meaning of the internal order of life you talked about.'

from The sailor who fell from grace with the sea by Yukimo Mishima


haha cant you believe it's a piece of conversation amongst 13 yrs old boys?
maybe the genius one...but anw maybe at that time, growing up in a society like Japan requires one asking themselves the meaning of living that constantly at such young age

i just really like this book
not just the elegant beauty of images of ordinary daily life
but also the love that becomes obssession he has for the sea and its greatness
his ideology of life, of love, of mandomhood
all is fantastic!
the pure yet inherently disturbing ideology of a being
something i found very human and extreme
maybe that's why it feels 'Japanese' in a sense XD

haha
oh the sea, the ocean!!! awesome!!!
:X

it's just annoying

once in a while i would become really paranoid
irritated by anything and everything
maybe i;m kind of in that mood now
as in nothing goes wrong but i just somehow find faults with everything
like just now when i read abt human weakness and stuff
abt how they only want to die coz what they seek is not genuinely in this world

this kind of conclusion annoys me most out of everything else
maybe partly coz i'm the type who never really experiences depression in the 1st place
or i'm just really optimistic by nature
nevertheless i cant comprehend if someone resolutes themselves on dying coz what they seek never really exists
i only call it irresponsible and selfish
if you wanna die that badly, choose some other brilliant way
just kill yourself out of depression is kind of pathetic dont u think
i'm just really annoyed and angry by that types of thoughts

is it true that there's nothing else in this world that means sth to you?
what abt whoever gave birth to your existence?
why do you think other pple have to strive so hard in this sucky cruel world to survive? and yet a normal being without any defects, howeve sucked up life may turn out to you, can you just leave it and die? coz you cant find the thing that you want?

excuse me it just proves that you're no more than a self-centered child seeking attention of pple yet you dont want to get hurt or take responsibility of your life

isnt the cruelty of life, the dissapointment and depression and pain that you experienced makes you treasure your happiness and the meaning of success?

well maybe i'm just really idealistic and dumbass coz i've been doting on since young but yes i hate that kind of attitude towards life

there're pple who want to live so badly and struggling every minute with disease to live on for a few more seconds for their daughter's wedding, yet there're stupid pple who own their whole resourceful living time just want to throw it away?

i really irritates the helll out of me
yet you call yourself educated and identifying yourself as some sensitive beings?
it's no more than jsut cowardness

phhhhhhh..... =.='
dunno what gets into me but i'm just really annoyed reading those lines
if you want to die so badly, dont wait until your 20s sth and wasted all the money and effort of your parents and society

and the fact that those lines area made public irritates me even more
like wth it's nt any kind of heroic thoughts or sth, what are u trying to promote? tsk

=.=
ok get back to my life
decide that i should shape up myself T_T and got to earn some money
hehe
Ohchan hontou ni kawaii ne :D
and i just finished another fan vid for my dear Ohchan ahha <3
:X

hikikomori + full time dramas

i've become official hikikomori and full time dramas killer =.=
wth
i've been watching drama at the speed 1 or 2 series per day @_@
if not drama, it's manga =.=
like there's nothing else to do in the world @_@
as in i'm just really reluctant to do anything else except for entertaining myself, reasoning it as taking a rest after exam =.=
haiz
coward aint i

anw i intended to write abt Orthos no inu, the drama with Ryo chan ><
bt somehow i lost the will to talk abt it alr
anw it's just kind of irritating coz Takki's acting is just boring and Ryo chan's also
but he still looks cute once in a while LOL
Ohchan is much much adorable thou hahah
omg =,=
and the drama is no where to compare with Maou to me
as in the plot is just inconvincing to me and that i cant relate to any of the character, which loses the whole point of a heavy drama... i thought it's supposed to make viewers think and touches them, bt unfortunately it fails for me
so...

well maybe i'm being biased in the end LOL

ちょっと話

一つのことがわかってる
私は甘えられてここまできたんだ
それは実感分かっています
だから弱い人間だ
でも人生は残酷でしょう
多分成功できるのは他の人の幸せを奪わなっきゃいけないと思ってたんだ

でも私はそういう生き方はしたくない
馬鹿でもくだらないことでもそういう考え方は持ちたくない
生きられるのは多分わがままで自分のことを優先しないと自分に不公平になることかもしれない
それでも私は私のなりに生きたいだから

まあ、それはリーダーシップがないていうことね

でも諦めないよ、私が信じてること