oh hello world =.=

haiz
this is to say there's no point to place so much expectation onto anyone/anything
in the end it's still me who is thrown to the bottomless disappointment
and i still hadnt get my lesson after countless encounter
stupid aint I?

1st it's nt their problem
2nd it's nt their concern
3rd they wont ever get what i mean by passion and courage to chase my dream +_+
and i hate the idea that pple judge me by faces and since i'm a girl, it all boils down to stereotype and Asian convention
arghhhhhh
needless to say how frustrating and disappointed it is!

and there i was thinking i might be able to get over that prejudice +_+
what a stupid and ignorant girl
sigh

fine i dont need those to understand this dilemma of mine anw
what's the point when it sounds all strange to their ears
i'm still jst a girl who's trying to struggle w my dreams
i just need to do it my way, on my own
maybe i'm destined to live alone and struggle with my self-construct dilemma lol =.=

and heere i'm listening to this again
...

+_+

for some reasons it's jst very tiring these days and the only thing i do when i reach home is sleep like dead +_+
wth +_+
and still that doesnt mean it makes me feel any better the next day +_+
urghhhhhhh
bt i'm going to get my pay this weekedn XD LOL
and i'm going to Thai soon ...not for travel thou T_T

and i need to find a place to move to as well
and there're many more things that i need to do +_+
give me more time plsss!
=.='
it's just too frustrating to waste all the time into sleeping rite T_T
such a shame

listened to Blame it on the moon by Katie Melua the other day on my handphone
it's been so long since i last listened to her haha

and i'm going to have koto perfomance soon :D
koto practice is damn demanding these days
the part i play this time is jst too tiring since it's nonstop +_+
haha bt at least it's sth i look forward to every week :D

and i havent talked w mom for ages +_+
so i need to call her this evening if i can get myself stay awake T_T
urghhh i'm sick of me T_T
i fall asleep even anywhere and anytime +_+ which is really horribleeeeeeeee
aaaaaaaaa

oh my endless wonder

haiz it's not the monday blue anymore since it's alr tuesday +_+
somehow the passionate and wrenching melody of koto wasnt able to satisfy this weird boredom =.='
i'm spoilt man
=.=

and now i long for the eternal blue of the sea or the redness of momiji -.-'
the cold and salty wind from the ocean and the inherent nostalgia and yearning in Spitz's songs =.='
it would be just a spendid combination, listening to Spitz on the beach under the night sky ...
ahhhhhhhhhhh it's like forever since i've been to the night sea
to the endless wonder and mystery of this world
......


i can never be satisfied with my life however better it may get 3:-o
too superficial to
haiz what to do +_+

something is just not there somehow right +_+
maybe i just need more arashi haha lol

GOLD...well though i dont like gold that much hah

oh i jst finished GOld XXXD
as expected of Amami it's splendidly done <3 ~
not a suspense type as Boss, not completely cold and indifference as in Jou no kyojitsu, it's a mixture of unwavering belief, of vehement vigoration, of intense discipline and hard-working, of love and devotion and trust... a story of ongoing struggle with life, gambling all one has to win the game.
A pretty good blend between the harshness of reality and the soft-hearted happy ending ever after.
in a word, i jsut love it XXXD
the will and devotion to head onwards, risking everything to feel that you're alive, to bring happinesss to those precious to you

yes life is a surviving game and you cant lose it!
even if the chosen way is full of hestitation and doubts, even if we lose sight of it once in a while, we just have to believe it with all our might and advance.
there's no other way out of it

oh dear it's practical and down-to-earth but somehow, the will to believe and to take a bet with all you have is just so... innocent
i mean it's the kind of bet that you fully understand all the effects and damages it may cause but still, you cant just shake it off and no matter how lost you might be, you will just return to that infinite resolution and forward

to me, that kind of feeling is innocent and certainly beatiful
to believe wholeheartedly and passionately regardless of all the wounds it may inflict

and here is wild flower, the theme song XD

on regressing or progressing

when i have nothing much to look forward to at weekend except for my koto practice
and no money to enjoy shopping alone
and no gathering or whatsoever hangout
and exactly no one to really talk to or just whining to

how sad =.=

there's just no motivation to pull me ahead at this moment =.=

even just some meaningless encouraging word or a pat on my head saying that i've been trying hard... is kind of surreal =.=

even though i already have to forget abt the excitement of being inspired in my lectures and bear with the monotonous tedious job
even though i have to struggle with all the technical terms of chemicals i've never touched in my life and force myself into using the business-like language and manner on daily basis - the exact kind of attitude that i always detest and despise

i wonder if i werent so spoiled to begin with, my never-ending complaints would ever stop... somehow =.='

what kind of future am i heading to, dear me =.='
it's just frustrating when no one actually tried to put themselves in your shoes and see with your eyes? or is it just another matter of reality that i should just get used to =.=
after all just dont expect too much to ever get disappointed ... i guess it's always true for dreamers like me =.='


and i'm listening to Seisshun ikinokori game by Spitz again

yeah
even if the whole world is just an ironical lie, i still have to forcefully believe in this reality somehow and stide forward =.='

i need to survive this living game on my own =.=

i should jst not get emo during weekend +__+
well i would probably sleep like dead when i reach home anw
sigh
...a matter of life

yellow...

it's lunch time again and i find myself immersing in Yellow by Cold play
i hardly listen to English songs these days rite...=.='

anw Yellow to me is utterly cute
simple and sweet =.='
yet intense to the point of foolishness
which makes it all naive and pure
...or so i feel :D

....
it's nt lunch time anymore and i'm still listening to Yellow
today was a mysteriously sleepy day =.='
for some reason my eyes couldnt open at all eventhough i finished 3 cups of coffee, which is too much for me for a day =.=
not to mention the fact that i;m nt that much of a coffee fan =.='

anw
yes i'm still listening to Yellow
..oh what a thing to do
haha

and my hibernating brain is mentally shouting "for you i bleed myself dry ..." :X
yeah that unconditional devotion
that absoluteness =.='
haiz
i hope tmr wont be so bored that i cant keep myself awake after that much of coffee =.=
sighhhhhh
and kanji is tough
i jst realized that i'm using broken Japanese and all my grammars is deteriorating ...badly T_T

seriously where am i in my chosen path?

uneventful day and the deadly sweetness

Arashi's new single Dear snow's PV is so emo =.='
well it's nt jst the fact that the color tone and the lighting is dark, all of them were wearing this super emo faces T_T
oh dear watching Ohchan looking emo makes me all sad and smitten =.='
yeah i know i have this ridiculous affection to him bt whatever XXD
and the melody of the song somehow is just perfectly in tune with the whole depressing picture... a sweet and heart-wrenching melody ... or so i feel =.='
like a dearest farewell from the eternal melancholy of autumn

and i'm still captivated by Monster and Ohchan's solo
like a sweet lullaby luring you into the unknown eternity of darkness
the absolute and wholesome of desire
and sure enough i'll be all willing to surrender to that sweet mesmerizing call lol

well nxt week my boredom and emo might start all over again since neither my boss nor his assistant or any Japanese would be ard +_+
and i need to memorize all the products and jargon to prepare for the coming business trip ><

sigh
needless to say bt certainly i'm all nervous abt this +_+
ganbatte ~~~

man until when will this endless floating life of mine would come to a halt =.='
haha
maybe untill the end of time where colorful sunshine met with silver moonlight @_@
lol