upon my endless wondering 2...

i amm at loss how to compose this entry
the reason is just simple as i once again failed to put my thoughts down =.='
with no beginning and no end, it makes people who actually tried to read my writing tired as well... i guess

just my old same nostalgia and endless wonder of this world
staying children is always the best as the need to look composed and withold yourself is at its lowest
whereas as an adult, selfishness does not have much of its space and the composed look is highly required...
or at least that's my perception
this is not to say that you have to try acting cool or fake
it's just that the more one grows up, the more he/she should think for others and tries to place themselves in others' position before judging anything or acting selfishly ...
and in the process of doing so, everyone accidentally builds up around them too many walls and hides themselves within those
thus i really think the connection between people and people should really be treasured since it was not easy at all for one to pass those invisible and incredibly high wall to approach other's true self

and being able to open up to anybody outside that wall is, in many ways another challenge itself
there's just too much doubts and anxiety and expectation to risk
first and foremost, in that distance between people and people, it requires more than mere sympathy and curiosity to try to reach out for each other
then, much of time and efforts and will is needed to overcome the difference or reach a compromise
and then much more efforts to maintain and prolong that relationship

just the thought of it tired me out completely
not to mention the situation that each individual is in, the opinion from the crowd which sounds quite irrelevant but does matter to certain level

yes people are difficult
relationship is tiring and frustrating
bt people cant help being involved in it and reach out for it
that's yet another irony of life

my point is certainly not about this irony of life or how realationship in any form btw human and human is difficult
i simply just am at that crossroad to make the decision... again
whether to reach out or just stay behind that wall, which is for all its reasons, safe and socially acceptable

and as usual my indecisiveness does not help while these inherent internal conflicts again collided a bit too harsh

and as usual i might just run away from it all and let my coward self wait for everything to unfold on its own
despite all the regret i may have afterwards
despite the me trying to affirm that it is not the righteous behavior -.-'

these days
amongst all of my floating nameless worry and my aching dreams
life is hard to deal with as of it now
and i do not have any wish to further its complication





i just want to be lost in my wonderland

rough translation

so i'm doing a rough translation for Matsu Takako's song Sakura Fuwari
like i said, her song is cute and old-fashioned
bt i love it that way :D
and yet i wanna flee too, to some unknown places far far away
away from Singapore pls T_T
it's too small i couldnt think of any place to go and emo there =.='
sigh
my heart is gonna burst missing Japan
so it'll be soon 1year since i last set foot there
it was early winter when the sky was still brilliantly blue and the yellow ichiyo were fluttering under the freezing wind
and the heart-wrenching beauty of the golden setting sun at yoyogi park
it was all tranquil and peaceful yet melancholically solitary

the Japan my heart has embraced always contains each and every tiny corner of all the emotions that i manage to work up
sigh
ahhhhhhh i dont wanna sit here and recalling all of these! T_T


anw...the translation


サクラ・フワリ 作詞: 松たか子
作曲: 武部聡志

どこか どこか もっと遠くへ
行きたいそんな気がして
君に触れた指先ふわり
春は舞い降りてくる

言いたい事の その半分さえも
伝えられず 過ごした昨日
なのに不思議ね ふとこんな気持ちに
気付いてしまう とても好きだった

思い出作り重ねてゆく 今日があるのなら
いつか又来る この場所に帰る日が きっとあるはずね

明日違う世界が見える？
裸の私のまま
一歩ふみだしたら夜空に
桜は降りそそぐよ

恋することも 自分だけで勝手に
難しく してたねきっと
あなたのことを あぁ前よりもっと
もっと深く解りたい なのに

私の心揺れているのよ 流れる景色に
素直でいたいだから急ごう はじめての街 今目指して

明日 明日 扉を開けて
新しい旅に出よう
そして汽車が走り出したら
夢だけを見つめてる

どこか どこか もっと遠くへ
行きたいそんな気がして
二人手にしたその切符に
桜は降り続くの

----------

I feel like going somewhere, somewhere far away...
My fingertip that you gently touched
And spring has just flutteringly descended...

without being able to convey even only half of what i want to say, yesterday passed
despite so, it's mysterious how all of a sudden,
i come to realize such emotion
i was really in love

the memories we made is gradually mounting up
if there is today , some time once again, there'll sure come a day when i return to this place

Tomorrow will i be able to see a different world?
with just the same old undisguised me
if i venture a step into the night sky
sakura will be pouring down

even when falling in love,
it's only me that egoistically makes everything difficult, defintely
though i really want to understand you more, and deeper than i've ever before

do you know my heart is wavering
at the flowing scenery?
cause i want to stay honest
let's hurry to the first town that i'm pointing at now

tomorrow, the tomorrow when i open the door
let's start a new journey
and then when the train starts to run
just focusing on this dream only

I feel like going somewhere, somewhere far away...
just the two of us with the tickets on our hands
and sakura keeps falling...

ramblings upon rainy dayssssss

T________T i lost my old ipod arghhhhh
no matter what, i like it quite a lot
despite the fact that it was pretty old, it is indeed pretty and was in good shape most of the time
and it had followed me for almost 4 years, a direct way to access to my own private heaven with fantasy and imagination
and now it is gone missing T_T
and i didnt even realize where and when i had dropped it T_T
oh dear i'm deeply sorry +_+

sigh
yeah i'm doing the most ridiculous thing, mourning for the ipod that i was contemplating so much on ditching it for a new one :|
so now i do have perfect account for ordering the new tiny ipod nano (i ttold you it really felt like fate that i had to own it somehow =.=)

and i found myself listening to Matsu Takako again
love her voice :D
and the way her songs were written is quite old-fashioned and cute in their own way
it's jsut really up to her image
btw, they're going tos how her horror movie Kokuhaku in Singapore (*_* which is totally contrary to her image haha)

so i'm back to the office with tons of mundane papers' works angain and my Japanese skills seem to deteriorate agaiiiiiiinnn @_@
sigh.

anyway still looking for a new place and people to join =.=
i'm lazy T_T
and my boss is ridiculous T___T
he forced us to wear the uniforrm (which has no appropriate size for me *_*) from now on at work
well in a better view, i dont need to care about working clothes that much anymore and will be able to focus on casual clothes haha *_*
whatever

yes, i am superficial +_+
and Ohchan's birthday is approaching <3 XXXD

haha my blog is really a collection of boring and monotonous notes of my passing youth T_T
ohhhh my youth is tripping away ... as i'll turn one yr older soon T_T
haizzzzz
dear, come december, my beloved month
i long for you with all my heart haha
i jst really have this particular affection towards december you see
self-assertive and self-centered
as usual +_+

half-hearted and whole-hearted

so that's the end of my trip to Thai
the four days passed without me being able to help much even though my boss kept repeating that i've been of much help to them =.='

and Bangkok ridiculously resembles my Saigon haha
maybe still more luxurious at some parts but basically i found it familiar and nostaligic to the point of weirdness since it's my 1st time there

maybe i'm just longing home

on another note, i just finished the latest chapter of Kimi ni todoke
...
it's sad to say bt i still find myself addicted to this shoujo manga
haiz... i'm supposed to past that age, admiring this type of cheeky and cute love in manga @_@
erm... i just cant really grow up maybe haha or is it that i'm nt allowed myself to completely grow haha

and i'm still neglecting on seriously learning Japanese T_T
damn me i'm been too easy with myself T_T

i'm definitely not that busy bt my time slips before i realized it

having too many hobbies are kind of troublesome sometimes +_+

anw this world is complicated and i dont know how many percent i could believe in others' words but for now let me take it for granted that it's 98% true when people around me talk to me +_+

so i've been talking quite a lot with my bigger boss in this trip (i've never really been able to talk with him =.=)
and listening to his story, i really feel that i might as well be able to fit completely well with this company and that i should stick to it and devote mmore +_+

somehow i just strongly felt that there's a connection somewhere in his whole working life's motto and my ridiculous ideals of the world =.='

nevetheless they did nt forget the chance to invoke on me some of their expectation casually +_+ which more or less is still pressure to me at certain extent +_+

i do feell more optimistic though, the relief that i might not be stuck in the mundane office work forever

and meeting the customers gave me more insights on how the industries is
there're certain parts where the person in charge is not even sure of what he's doing and they're more or less clueless and lost like me

this is just to say that it's really the responsibility and the morality when one does try to enlighten another party on certain aspects

and of course it's to build trust and reputation when it comes to sale
... anw i mean it's really the point that you need to believe strongly and wholeheartedly of the one you're trying to promote
...or at least to me that's how i perceive it

man maybe that's partly how i like the Japanese spirit
i need to live there no matter what ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh


i cant let time slip this fast
i relaly need to do something about my Japanese man +_+
haiz

suddenly i wanna feel the icy breeze brushing through a field of cosmos in a late afternoon under the setting sun
haiz
oh dreamers.
there're too many amazing and wondrous things of this world i havent been able to experience rite!
ok... this entry is just a breif report of my inconsequential and disconnected thoughts +_+
one thing for sure is that i must try harder to work on both my Japanese and my work

and i'm going to cut my hair again...sooon i think hehe :D