oh monday

in the acceptable time and space, the key is to expect nothing.
then whatever seems so crucially important would become frivolous
at least you have put a command to your mind to ignore the impact of the results
and so the mind will be able to control the heart for as long as it manages to.

of course it is only in the acceptable time and space.
do not let it spread over your whole life since it would sound too pitiful and pathetic
for the things that necessarily stay true have to remain true

whatever nonsense i'm writing
i just want to reassure myself of all the unspeakable anxiety and darkness at the deepest depth my mind can crawl to

a life indeed needs a tangible nail to withhold it from falling off the imaginary depths.

on a much lighter note, my DVD has arrived!!!
as if to save me from the death of the daysssssssssssssss
to the fantasy world of my own haha




French is a beautiful language... to listen to

on the indescribible and inexplicable

maybe at sometime before this life ends, i should try to write some tear-jerked or melodramatic novel based on my life =.='
since sometimes it really sounds like some drama that i myself cant believe it +_+

well whatever
i'm so in the mood to read something 'beautifully destructing' or beautiful and hopeless at the same time

dont blame me for this sudden urge of reading something so extreme
it is just that the life force at some point of time insists me to do so and not otherwise

the sum of this week is that i came to aware of something that i have been trying to fake ignorance of all the other time and that i can no longer ignore such fact

and to come to such conclusion is just pure torture
as if i come to know of the cruelty of reality the n time in my life

and that i'm shamefully pathetic still

wonder if i can really make it back...