pattern i could find

it's hard to put into words my feelings after watching 'never let me go'
just by the title of it, i know i's definitely a tragedy, a love tragedy
yet i wanted to watch it so much eventhough i have not touched the novel yet

the movie is definitely beautifully done, with angles and classy color tones that i'm so in love with and with exactly what i perveived as the British taste of movie-making

and the irresitible charm of British accent that never fails to arouse me

the cast makes it complete with my favourite actresses

and certainly the point is the story
what intrigues me is the juxtapose between the short span of living time of children in the book and a normal human's life
the so peaceful-and-carefree-looking life of them and our mundane,busy, casual and chaotic world
their sole simple yet unbearable task
and their powerlessness over the life they had to lead

but what strucks me hardest is probably their excruciating pain upon awaring their complete and absolute confinement of the life they had to live through

no escape
no hope
no dream
not even time
..............

a wish of love that is far beyond reach, rendered total imposibility
like a deep wound being tortured over and over again
until the bearer is no longer able to withstand it and wither away in the blackish pool of despair
...
and somehow it seems astonishingly real and concrete to me
the awareness of an impossible wish

as i wonder how i'm going to live this lie.
human, creatures of weaknesses

few days from Tet

T_T the arashi DVD that i'm supposed to receive yesterday did not reach me in the end T_T
and now i need to come down to collect it >< ... and with my working hour, how am I supposed to do that?! urghhhhhhh T_T
and MU and mediafire keeps messing up my downloading +_+
sigh
i've been lagging behind downloading arashi's shows +_+
and other dorama :(((
this is such a tragedy for a devoted fan girl dont u think +_+

~~~~~~~~

on second note, it's a few days away from home XXD YAY !!!
it's my 1st time after 4yrs w/o Tet at home :D

and the current apartment's gonna be cleaner and tidier than its current condition hehe :D

and hopefully i'll get my watch (supposed to be my mom's birthday present) repaired before going back :)

~~~~~~~~

well for all, let's enjoy the 'now' first =.='
and face all the troubles and worries later -___-

my new year resolution is and always will be : be happy and follow your dream =.=
so it's gonna be abt Japan, JApan, JAPan, JAPAn and JAPAN :*
LOL




the song is so reminiscent of my high school time haha
sweet :*

wake up at 3am +_+

yes i woke up at 3.30 am or so and now am dead tired
i need some sleep and the world might be brighter than it seems now haha =.='
well at the very least, it does not feel as bad as usual since i dont have shoulder + back pain +_+
yes, aging and in a few more years, i'll become an obachan unable to enjoy life due to exhaustion and lack of vitality T_T
noooooooooooooooo

--------------




i've gone back dreaming, so you must lead me through the day ...

yeah how i hate this state of dreaming of mine in which nothing is clear and defined
...or worse too ambiguous for my own good
and no one leads me to a 'right' answer

days are passing by with the same unresolved and unanswered question
even if i tried to force an answer out of it, it just remains illogical an incomprehensible

yes, it's hard to define and categorize everything clearly; that, i know all so well
but at the very least, there should be a satisfied answer since it is jsut a personal problem, surfacing at individual level.
yet, i cant in anyway possible opt a reasonable solution
and this inherent impulsiveness in me does not allow me to ...either

it's getting no where and it frustrates me to the highest level possible

again i told myself i should just leave and flee
that's it
rite =.='


well i want to go to the sea and free my useless thoughts h
vacation ~~~~

horoscope here and there

The Tiger

Magnetic, passionate and grand! When the Tiger does anything, it’s noticed! Indecisiveness and stubbornness can mar the sparkle of the Tiger personality. On the one hand generous, on the other hand a little mean, it’s sometimes hard to know where one stands with the Tiger. Flexible, honest and truly entertaining, one has a friend for life with a Tiger.

Forecast for 2011 Most Tigers will be feeling quite pleased and energized at the end of their own year in 2010. The Year of the Rabbit will be another positive year for them. Romantic matters are particularly to the forefront, with many born under this sign deciding to get married or to take the relationship to the next level. Single Tigers will have many chances to meet a partner with June to September particularly well aspected. If they have faced recent personal trials and tribulations, 2011 will prove to be a much brighter year. Financially, the Tiger will most likely see an increase in income, either due to a pay rise or an unexpected windfall. With careful planning and budgeting, they can enjoy this monetary increase whilst easing financial burdens. Hobbies and outdoor pursuits will also interest the Tiger this year and will provide relaxation and a social setting, both of which will suit him just fine. Travel and spending holidays with friends will be a focus during late spring and also August and September. If there is a dream location he’s always wanted to visit, this is the perfect year to do so! A house purchase or change of home could very well feature on the cards also. This will be an exciting rather than overly stressful development and Tigers should thrive in their new environment.

Interesting Tiger Facts:
Zodiac Stone: Sapphire
Special Flower: Violet
Best Hours: 3-5 am
Season: Winter
Horoscope Colors: Green, Blue, Yellow

Oh how i love the phrase magnitude, passionate and grand =.='
LOL at my superficialness :">
hope that 2011 is a better yea ... oh well let's try my best XXD



it's genuinely inspired and excited listening to this :* <3
oh dear COLD Play sweet heart ~~~ hahaha

on new apartment and miscellousnes

start the day by dropping my new watch onto the floor, which resulted in the visible crack on the surface ;_;

ok life in the new apartment somehow starts
need to admit that it's a bit scary walking alone early in the morning to work :|
even though it's not that deserted...still i was born w a chicken heart ...so :|

and the rain yesterday totally drenched all my laundry T_T
and i want a fridge

apart from that, everything is pretty fine
well needs to say the area is boring thou
maybe that's why it's cheaper haha

and the Internet is doing well so far :)

i'm still too lazy to start on the design project that was assigned to me due to the fact that everyone else is busy :|
(like i'm the only one who is free 3:-o for god's shake 8-)

and i want to finish Anna Karenina asap so that i can start on other new books :)

on a darker note
the thought about certain matter still haunts me and makes me despise both myself and a certain someone else so much
well it's unfair i'm the only one who have to think abt all of this crap and feel guilty and ashamed of it
well, blame my foolishness
still it's absolutely unfair and unreasonable for me to suffer alone
so i should just leave it and get over it soon

i'm always fine on my own and there's no reason i have to forfeit my free spirit for it at all
it's not worth my time, my care and my thoughts anw

from the beginning, there's no 'us', and there will never be.
so be it, it is I and me, all along.

in all kind of fortune-telling, i'm over-optimistic, love freedom and hate commitment ... :|

just need to note down that it's unimaginable to think of wtf i'd got myself into =.='
oh the earth is still spinning so that should not be so such a crisis?
arghhhhh it's jst frustrating when you cant tell yourself into doing what you're supposed to do T_T
it needs a full stop
and i want to settle down on the new apartment asap +_+
then this stupid temptation will be over
urghhhhhh
sigh

hoping for a brighter yr coming ~