just had the urge to nail down these lines
so i wont forget admist the haze of daily routine
the text reminds me of my choice, choosing to fall in love and making effort to stay in love with my mate
it sounds awfully common and boring saying that being with him allows me to be who I am, without pretentiousness and lie...since any books on this topic would quote something similar... but mine is genuinely from my life lived as two beings together. And for sure, reality is not always easily lived a as the composed words
for I and he are totally different beings, from different genders, different background and speak different language in the beginning
how much work and effort each has to pour in to put one into another's shoes,
to "understand" and accept the other's deviance
to love and not judge them from our experience
... Being with someone who accepts and allows you to be the complex, unreasonable and illogical being you are, is by all means a likelihood in millions
And believe me, it is just not any random work done by the hand of "fate"
Yes, fate might bring you together or increase your chances of seeing each other... but staying in love and accepting the deviant in the others is another story, a truly handful task one might find hard to comprehend its burden at first.
I mean it is not a miraculous lightning encounter and everything falls into place nicely naturally ... like what we often attribute to the so-called "fate"
Being perspectives, one just cant ascertain that one can and is willing to embrace all the sides of the person our loved one is
we all have our ideal and expectation for our mate
a different image we conjure up in our mind according to the constructed norms and social romanticizing of love
a portrait deviating from who they are
after all, we are of totally different backgrounds, growing up into the very unique and intricate beings we are
thus, striving to accept the true person as one is
to bridge out the difference between our expectation and reality
is a never ending, continuous process of a lifetime.
and never an easy one
an exhausting yet rewarding journey
isnt it miracle and mysterious how you could allow yourself to be yourself with that person and how you could accept to make compromise at your ego for that person
no argument that i'm talking about the allowable forfeit. one certainly does not and need not to sacrifice their philosophy or the special deviance marking them the persons they are. One probably has to grasp though vaguely, the core of their very soul to be able to decide how far they could yield in and what one has to retain to be who they are and who they want to become
And your spouse must concurrently engage in this very same process, cause love takes two to fall in and to build. Once the process is not reciprocal, one might fall out of it in no time...
yeah, it might just be a mindful task but who knows
there is no right answers to a "correct way of love or correct way of life" ... after all
we all may just live out another socially constructed norms as many social values mankind have been creating up to now...
... still, the point is we fall for them for their traits right
and sometimes it feels like if we are not there for each other, who is going to take the place?
maybe the effort to explain or categorize rationally these emotions are still much out of our hands
maybe love is love, irrational, inexplicable, indefinable, spontaneous and forever mysterious
Love does hurt and to be able to love actually does mean the attempt to forfeit partially our ego expectation for our mates and the expectation of their attitude to love...
right, it must be a mutual process to stay in love
but that does not mean applying your ideal onto our spouses, right?
i am still at the beginning of this journey, still struggling to learn my way of love and to appreciate his way of love
it is definitely a tough, challenging and demanding journey
but we say yes, and I am not alone in this endeavor... so be it
come as you may, dear
