2020 what a beginning?!

I have several half-written notes on 2020... this might end up being another one, though I'll try to see it through
The year started off peacefully and gently as if i couldn't have asked life for more, with my loving family, a house and a stable job...
It is not that I lost anything but as the year started to roll in, so much mixed messages and dark feelings, chaos and negativity stepped in, pulling my heart heavy and tight with all its weight
Yes, among many, 2020 actually have the long-awaited Tokyo Olympics in store, for which everyone was hoping it a bright and cheerful year with generous economic surplus
None of us could imagine that the outbreak of a certain contagious virus could plunge the world economy into chaos, oppressing and inducing the stoppage of travelling and "globalization" had been challenged more than ever.
The outbreak started in Jan has been rapidly gotten worse on a global scale, claiming thousands of victims and deaths from some of the world most advancing countries, making all governments imposing all sorts of emergencies countermeasures, involving the closing off to immigrants and what we now label "social distancing", in which we are encouraged to stay at home, keeping distance to people and avoid as much social gatherings and contacts as possible to prevent the spread of the virus...
Surrounding by these depressing news everyday, together with the distancing frenziness, people including myself have fallen into our "self-protective mode", backed with "anxiety, pettiness, narrow-mindedness, and doubts" to follow "social distancing" in the effort to abate the spreading speed and number of infected patient... As if it is not enough, my body started to show up other aging signs and the fact that we still couldnt conceive grieved me much...
The ridiculous of work, and this situation which may bring the world to another worldwide rivalry just make it really worse for me, shaking my faith and my beliefs.
Yes, life may not always be fair but I appreciate what I have up to now so much to the point it is unimaginable having to trade anyone I have for another start...  as I believe I did my best to welcome and keep them in my life as important ones... Still, the desire and jealousy for not having what one wants distorted me worse, made me question if there is a meaning in all this suffering at all?
If we all need to trade someone important in our life for someone equally important, i wonder if it is really "just and fair"?
I maybe too greedy but in fact, I am not ready for any farewell to my beloved ones at all, even if it is to exchange with the encounter of someone I have always been long to...
I believe I have always been living for the general good, having faith in love, humanity and in all very positively, but does this mean that I have to suffer the unfair or loss in the process? Somehow I think i kind of understand how the villains in films and dramas turned to evil and the dark sides... They may have been asking the same questions when all their good contribution are not counted and why their precious ones are being taken away one by one... I can imagine how one may fall into darkness and despair, cursing the world and taking revenge to life after losing all their hopes, dreams and faith in humanity, in life...
well, yes , I can see "greed" made me this way... but, hey, my greedy wish is simple compared to others ambition, right?
Or maybe there will be a point in future when I feel thankful that things are this way at this moment as there maybe things I need to learn more...
Things take the time it needs, and impatient wont help...
Meditation and inner peace... the key to my peace and maybe to the world peace?

In any case, I really need to read and write more, now that it is reaching y 7th year not using English as the first language... and guess what, writing somehow consoles my soul, as if it is my best confiding friend ever.