June, the rainy season comes with the sweltering heat and humidity surge
Making the weather unbearable and bothersome at some point though I still very much love its high blue sky and hydrangea shades of purple
It is the time when one suddenly realizes half a year has already gone in a blink of an eye before their brain can actually register the physicality of the passing time
Time is such an abstract and subjective concept it makes us feel sluggish and rushed at the same time
After all time is a notion mankind creates and only mankind uses it as a measurement in the duration of their life time
No other creature on earth grasps and builds such concept with time and age like us do
Only human acknowledges and counts their age, forcing themselves to behave accordingly to the age pattern they define
Isnt it so amusing? As we consciously and unconsciously create our expectant behavior, stick it to a certain timeline. Along the line we try to adhere to them to achieve what we name as success and satisfaction.
Failing to progress accordingly to that timeline makes us anxious, depressed, stressed, unhappy, feeling uncompetitive and falling behind, vulnerable to critics and subjected to all kinds of comment and judgement
There is probably no creatures on earth condemning ourselves to such timeline mission as us
For all the advancement we achieve, we push ourselves to reach the equal burden of milestones just to make us feel satisfied as they are indicators of a life well-lived
Civilization empowers us as a superior creature, yet brings to us just as much suffering and damages. The curse of wisdom, or the bliss of ignorance...however you call it
Time flows just as the universe, irretrievably, impartially and infinitely. Against the force of nature we are so powerless, trivial and
We are so possessed with the idea to make the most out of our limited time
unlike other creatures who just come into coexisting with their limited time
Yet. in the end, our time eventually comes to a halt, without much traces of us to be recalled of
At the end of our time, we become nothing just as before we made our appearance at all
Time is forever an intriguing concept
the creation of this concept certainly makes human achieve and become distinguished; at the same time, it make us slave to our conception, bound by the idea that we have limited time, making us greedy and unable to accept that we are just another entity coexisting with the universe, that we are not any different from other living organism on this sole aspect
Time is not just a mere measurement but we somehow end up using it to vaguely estimate the force of life, of the universe itself
to realize how little power we have over it and to conjugate an infinite value to it
as everything else in the universe
time is irretrievable and unrepeatable
....
so here i am pondering about time while mentally ingrained a list of duties to carry out according to my age, biological clock and such
knowing it all yet we cant dodge them
i'm not such a rebel to not give them a damn and not brave enough to say i'll be nonchalant and not regret about it later on
...
yes, time ... amazing and mysterious... a forever object of thinkers and philosophers
There is this drama I watched recently called "because this is my first life" about marriage life of people in their 30s when the question between following your dream and making a living aches and when one questions what is marriage with all its implications on the involved parties' life
what intrigues me though is its title.
yes, we are all living our life the first time
and in such manner it implies we could make mistake or feel overwhelmed at certain emotion and experience as they are our first ever
marriage and love included
and it doesnt matter if we made mistake as we are expected to be inexperienced, naive and rash
and it makes sense that we feel restless not knowing what to expect or how to overcome those "first experiences"
here we arrive at another conflict
our increasing exposure does not guarantee us a perfect counteraction or any better shield against feelings and thoughts induced by those exposure though
we may feel the excitement quieting down because we would always try to rationalize and make sense of it, to protect us and to excuse us
and we assign more time on thoughts and behaviors to try to get the better of the situation
that is why first experience always leaves the deepest and most unforgettable memories
though our memories do get distorted with time and our emotional state
....
back to time and nostalgia
I'm rewatching some old dramas, and to my surprise, their content was quite different from my memories
or it may just be that i am more mature and gain more perspectives now than some 10years ago
and watching them make me in awe at the life force again
gone with time our youth, beauty, passion, childishness and oblivion
to the time at which one cannot come back and to the time that contains our proof of living, our memories and our feelings, vulnerability and naivety to the world
P.S. the sound track of the drama watched 10years ago and it astounded me how little I remember it lol
