again... on self-reflection

=.=' i cant be any more disappointed with myself =.='
urghhhhhhh
too many events happened at once kind of block all your energy to contemplate on your life
i cant believe i could spend all the supposedly free time to surf Internet in office @_@
while in fact i could've used it to do more research and learn more abt the company and how it works @_@
i cant believe that i nearly intend to go to meet my customer with a virgin blank mind :|
like wth
where's this nonchalant attitude from man =.='
while i should've been more worried abt meeting customer and would i be able to translate and help connecting the conversation
arghhhhhh
my boss spoiled me T_T


i'm such a spoiled brat ... frm home to school and now ...t o work @_@

i need to change or else i'll definitely become that guy O_O

and i went back on every single promise that i made @_@
like studying Japanese ... blaming the busy schedule of performance and practice =.=
like trying to save ... blaming that it's necessary stuff ?!!

yesterday i met my Japanese friend
and she again reminds me of self-reflection and hard work
and i felt ashamed of myself ...
for not trying hard enough =.=
urghhhhhh

and i dreamt of mom scolding me last night on how i spent money and my time ...
i was really frustrated in my dream
...so frustrated that i woke up and found out it's just a dream
i miss mom and wanna go home badly

and even if i boasted on following my way and chasing my dream
i did nothing much so far
:|

sighhhhhhhhhh
i hate me for being easy on myself and let others spoil me @_@

i hate it that i'm still at the very starting point of the journey
or even a bit behind ^_$*#_%(@_

and all i can think of is looking forward to gathering and date O_O
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
THIS IS SO WRONG T_T
i cant live my life this way man D: